How to find my boyfriend's birth parents?

my boyfriend is 31 and was adopted as a baby. We are searching for his birthparents. we have read lots of advice on making the choice to search but all the sites we have visited have really shuffled us around. anyone with info please share. we just want some support and want some help, maybe you have been here before? thanks…

Answer #1

yah, I fully understand and can see it from their view, thats why I don’t want to meet them or get involved in any way in their life. we do want to see photos of any siblings and of his parents though. and see medical history. in fact we don’t have to know names, we just want photos!! only because we are curious. And if his parents are successful, something prompts me that they would be so proud of him. he is the best person I know. he is superman with a heart and mind of gold. He is a very smart man, he does very well for himself and is very smart with life stuff like financials and decision making. I love him very much and trust my life with him completely. I jusy feel they would be proud and wish they could partake in such a wonderful person. they are missing out. yet I would hate to be disapointed, what if they are a bunch of ungrateful grumpy pesimists? that would be terrible. so yah…hard decision. I guess the whole thing that has motivated me to search is my sister inlaw had two kids when she married my brother. then he adopted them because their dad was a dead beat. my brother and my sister inlaw had 4 kids together. about 4 years ago my sister inlaw shared with me that she had another son when she was really young. her parents forced her to I’ve him up when she wanted so badly to keep her baby. everyday she thought about him. she cried a lot wondering how much he look like her other two that were also born from the same father. She decided to search. she found him and they recently reunited. he came to stay and met our family. it was amayzing. I saw this light in my sister in law ever since. its like her life was missing that link and now its complete. I just wonder if my honeys situation was at all like that or if his parents even feel anything at all. I am saddend over it knowing that possibly his mom thinks about what he is like too. My man even told me once that he has a inside feeling that he was abandond. we understand why they chose adoption, but I wonder if his parents were forced to make that same chioce or if it was completely their own. lots of things to think about huh. just sometimes it really gets to me. I wish I had some answers.

Answer #2

GRAR!!! this is so hard. I am ALL over everything you just said. I agree. I understand. And I don’t want to say this, but I have to. You can not look at it like that. Your sister in law’s story is touching, but not the same. I’m sure I could dig up an example of exactly the opposite, but I know that you know… you don’t need one. You have pandora’s box in your lap (you= you and your fiance). You have several choices on how to percieve the box. I don’t think I need to explain that one either (but if I need to clarify, let me know). “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” I wish you had some answers too, but take what you can get. Be grateful for what you have.

Answer #3

Hey… that is awesome. From our previous conversations, I didn’t think you would be engaged to an idiot, but you have to be incredibly smart, persistant, and tolerant to make it through med school. He has good genes. I can understand why he wants to know, but I can also see why his birth parents would rather remain anonymous. Even though it is frustrating, try to see the situation from their point of view.

Answer #4

Medical history, wandering if he has other siblings out there, otherwise he is an only child. wants to see who he resembles…just normal curiousities..you know…I don’t even know if we would want to meet them, but just curious about all this. I guess he found out that his dad is in cali and he is a plastic surgeon!!! weird… so..I don’t know what to do with that. thats all we know. NO friggin name…

Answer #5

I dont hate you :) silly, no, I appreciate any views I can get because there are millions of ways to analize this situation. I need others opinions, especialy if they have been through this before wether it be they are searching like me, or if they have been on the other side, I want that insite.

Answer #6

thanks, I like you

Answer #7

You can hire a private detective.

Answer #8

THANK GOD, I have none (insites). But I wish you the best in your endeavors.

Answer #9

just out of curiosity, what triggered his desire to find them?

Answer #10

we have no info about them whatsoever. not even names :(

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