How can I stop being so forgiving?

If someone does something terrible to me, and honestly it happens too much, because the people who do it know me well. They will say something then just a simple “Oh soz.” will make ME come crawling back to them and apologizing for being pissed at them for five minutes.

I forgive so easily. I’m just a pushover and I hate it. If someone takes the piss or hurts me, like punches me or something (but obviossly not as a joke) then I won’t say anything; just take it. I do hold grudges but I don’t show them and I really want to change. :( I’m extremely shy and have no confidence but honestly I don’t think that will ever change, thats maybe why I just sit and take what happens and forgive too easily.

Please help.

Answer #1

You sound so much like my daughter! She wants so much to please everyone, she doesn’t take her own feelings and rights into account. There is girl she met in 5th grade (she’s in 7th grade now) and this girl has supposedly her “best friend”. That year,(not long after they became friends) we found out that she is a habitual liar, it the girl tells me the sky is blue I have to go check for myself because she was the one who told me. Anyway, my daughter is a very cheerful, crazY kid and makes friends easily and quickly. When I caught this girl in blatant lies (she has Fetal alcohol Syndrome and some kind of cancer in her leg but it doesn’t need treatment, she was born with it—these are some of her craziest lies)I contacted her Grandmother, (whom her, her sister, and Dad live with) and was told that of course they were lies (as I already knew). My daughter did confront her with it at the time and she apologized and said it wouldn’t happen again. Well, that was 3 years ago and it has continued ever since. My girl just finally had with her recently (her and her “boyfriend” had broken up and this girl started “going out” with him the NEXT DAY!! took a boy to finally do it, but she has gotten this girl out of her circle of friends. Anytime something good happened for my daighter this girl had to do something to ruin oit for her every time. She couldn’t stand to see Kaitlin getting more attention than her. You too, have to put these people behind you and find friends that will treat you the way a true friend should treat another. Don’t stand by and let people hit u, tell them you don’t like it or appreciate it and they are to never do it again!! you deserve better than the “friends” you have now. Take a good look at yourself and your friends and ask yourself if you want to be miserable with these friends throughout school or do you want/need to kick these guys to the curb and find new people to be friends with, friends who are deserving to be around and treat you right.

Only you can change this situation and you have to unless you want to be miserable for the rest of your life. You say that you hold grudges but don’t do anything about them. You will never be happy with yourself if you continue to run with this crowd, they are no good and do not have your best interest at heart. They know they can do just about anything and you won’t say a word. Surprise them and one day(very soon I hope!!) just tell them to get lost. I’ve always told my daughter this: being with people like that is like being alone in a crowd of thousands. If you are alone with them, then why have then. Sometime soon you need to tell them goodbye, get lost, and that if you are going to be alone— you would rather be alone by yourself!!! Good luck, you CAN do it!! {=

Answer #2

I kind of know how you feel as I too am really shy. You’re showing them that you forgive them, but inside you’re probably still hurting, and feel way past forgiving them over and over again. Don’t pretend to yourself that they’ll never do it again just because they’ve apologised. Are they your friends? They probably continue harmnig you and showing you no respect as they know you’ll just let them off for it. But you can’t let them think this no matter what. Next time they do something horrible look at them as if they are stupid then say something along the lines of ‘Get a life. Seriously, I thought you were better than that’ in a cool, calm voice. Then shake your head and walk away.Don’t waste your time worrying about them. And don’t apologise to them for something you didn’t even do. Tell them ‘You serioulsy think I would apologise to you?’ As you say these things, just remember all the hurt they’ve caused you and it should come out easier. Make sure you don’t let them get away with it. Laugh at them to make them feel embarrassed whenever they do something stupid. When they talk to you act a little distant- just nod your head or shrug your shoulders- to make them see that you’re serious. Hope it goes ok!

Answer #3

hello people im so upset right now I dono what to and my feoncay is getting married in apr.. AND we wanna get married in catholic church to have it blessed and so on,,, Well he was baptised catholic and hi dad is jewish I know its weard but n-e ways we wanna have a catholic wedding but his dad dont wanna talk to a priest to do a afadavid form so I am so torn up about it.. And top it off his mother dont wanna talk to me she says im to pushy.. Im not trying to be pushy I just want her to get to know me.. seince she said we are getting married to soon and she dont know me.. So seince she was complaing about that she didnt know me why is she telling she will talk to me when the time comes… time we get married we known eachother for 2//half years.. and been together year… he was my best friend and I never been more happy in life.. I just keep letting the hurt feelings go and try to talk to them but they say they will talk when the time is right im really confused.. can someone exsplain whats going on with me and his family I need some answers asap.. ps and we have had a great realship and everybody knows we are happy so there is no concern for them to be upset…

Answer #4

The ability to forgive is never a bad trait - just be aware/smart so you won’t be easily run over…Take care !!

Answer #5

The question being?

I know what you mean I am the same. I hold grudges but I still forgive. It’s hard to explain. I can also be shy around people I don’t know.

Anyway- it’s not necessarily a bad thing. If you’re a Christian it would be part of your religion. But by guessing how much it’s getting to you you aren’t?

try to be strong, hold you head high. Silly things can be forgiven but if the person always walks all over you don’t stand for it. It usually takes one confrontation for someone to just leave you alone.

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