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Alright.. I don't think this is in the right category, but I don't know what else it would go under. This is going to be rather lengthy I think, juuust a warning... but if you really want to help give me some peace of mind PLEASE read it.

I know I'm young (not as young as most FunAdvice users, but..) when do most people see the light at the end of the tunnel? For me it's all been a battle since the beginning. I have a sibling who suffers from multiple mental disabilities, and parents who are getting to the point where they won't be able to care for him the way they are now. NONE of my other family members would take him on. I know this mainly because they are never comfortable around him, and are always talking about how brave and patient my parents are for keeping on with him. Some are even scared of him.

ANYWAYS... there's that.. and I dunno... I had a job offer that involved me moving states, took up the offer (which was a hell of a deal I might add) and something happened on the other end that made the job unavailable. This was something I was planning on and looking forward to for months, and now it's gone. It's just like thing after thing keeps going wrong and I don't know what to do. I have a boyfriend that I've been with for 3 and a half years now and 90% of the time we're good.. it's a bit of a distance thing right now. He's coming out to visit for 2 weeks mid July... which is fantastic. I know we're great together, and I have the opportunities now to move closer to him. But what if that's a mistake? I'm not dumb enough to sacrifice my future for a man, but at the same time I know the distance is going to tear us apart soon.. it's been too long and visits aren't enough anymore.

The only thing is I'm at the point now where I need to figure out what I want to do with my life. I have a few different passions that could potentially make me successful... but it's like I have these gifts and I don't even know what to do with them. I've been involved with the fine arts since I was a young child, and have really excelled at that (I do commissions for paintings and such) I train horses and... as cheesy as it sounds, I have been told I have a way with animals that most people don't. Obviously I can't read their minds or anything but I just seem to connect with them. People have paid me to work with their problem animals (usually just horses and dogs) And my third passion is music... I have played the guitar for years, but now am really falling in love with bass more and more. Without music I can't breathe

Wow.. this is getting ridiculously long. I don't even know what I'm saying. I know people face the big question of Who they are all the time... and people just say "Oh everything will fall into place the way it was meant to be" and shrug it off..

I don't know, maybe I'm just looking for reassurance... all I know is it literally feels like I'm losing my MIND. Like I could literally go insane. My hands shake when I think about it and I freeze up and can't really function. Sometimes I just get in my little car and drive because it's the only place where I find peace and can think clearly, think about all of this. There are sooo many decisions that need to be made. I can't pursue all my passions simultaneously. I know no person can answer where MY place in society is. I don't want to be famous, but I want to stand out somehow. I don't want to be a MACHINE like most people in today's society, I want to take care of all the sh*t that needs to be done, but also be human and enjoy life. I want a successful career that I can have FUN with.

When did you all figure this out? What inspired you to go the way you did?

Again sorry this was so long... I don't know what I'm saying, I'm just freaking out a tad! Thanks...