How can I feel stable again?

MY NAME IS KIM, I AM FROM ROCHESTER MI…I HAVE ALWAYS HAD TONS OF PEOPLE, FRIENDS, AND SUPPORT IN MY LIFE. FOR THE PAST 5 YEARS I’ve BEEN BATTLING BULIMIA AND MANY DIFFERENT DISORDERS. LATELY IM FEELING VERY DEPRESSED AND OUT OF CONTROL. I HAVE A LONG HISTORY OF HORRIBLE RELATIONSHIPS AND MULTIPLE PROBLEMS IN THE PAST FEW YEARS. I AM NOW SO LOST AND FEEL LIKE THE PAST YEAR OF MY LIFE HAD A CURSE ON IT. I AM DIAGNOSED WITH OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER, EATING DISORDERS AND DEPRESSION. UNFORTUNATELY NOONE UNDERSTANDS ME AND I’ve LOST MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY. LATELY I’ve BEEN USING A MED CALLED ADDERALL TO LOSE WEIGHT. I ENDED UP IN THE HOSPITAL FOR LIKE HYPERTENSION, HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE AND OVERSTIMULATION OF THE CENTRAL NERVOUS SYSTEM. I TAKE XANAX FOR ANXIETY AND PANIC. I CANNOT STOP USING THE ADDERALL EVEN THOUGH I FEEL TERRIBLE WHEN I USE IT. MY DR. HAS GIVEN ME STRATTERA BUT AM SCARED TO TAKE IT BECAUSE OF THE ADDERALL AND IM NOT SURE WHAT MEASURES I NEED TO TAKE TO BECOME STABLE AGAIN. EVERY DAY SOMETHING DIFFERENT HAPPENS TO ME WHICH LEADS ME TO BELIEVE IM A HORRIBLE PERSON ANY ADVICE?