Is there an easy way, or hard way, to learn how to forgive people in your past?

That is a tough one and the biggest struggle I have myself. From a religious standpoint, I can tell ya what God says about it if you are interested. As far as easy vs hard, I think it depends on what was done to you and how you deal with it. Also what I think is important is how the person that hurt you acts, I mean are they trying to do better and correct their wrongs so to speak? I’m sorry I don’t have a good answer, I need the answer to this myself in a big way.

That is so right. Wish it were that easy for me.

Well one of them is my mother, the other is my cousin, but he past away. My mother acts sorry for what happened, I hope I don’t need to spell it out, it was abuse of the worst kind

Just remember we are all humans and at one point or another we make mistakes. Yes, some worse then others….All I can say is, once you forgive others, I mean actually forgive. I do not mean the spoken word, you actually looking within yourself and moving on. There will be a lot less of hate in your heart, and it will be reflected in the ways you treat others. Forgiving someone, will bring you happiness. good luck. Remember you are as strong as you believe you are :)

Thanks

I understand. It is the absolute worst. If you want to talk about it you can fun mail me, if not I understand that too.

You just have to accept that NOBODY is perfect and that this individual may have had unknowns to you in their life which made them act as they did, or however you were hurt by this person.

Forgiving is easier said than done, but i agree with chubby cheekz. forgiving someone is something you need to do for yourself. if you can’t forgive, the wound festers and fills you with bitterness. bitterness (and anger) are poisons to the human soul. it eats away at your spirit piece by piece, eventually eroding your happiness. would you drink from a bottle labeled “poison?” of course not. so every time you think about what that person has done, picture their face with a skull and crossbones and remind yourself that every second you dwell on it is a second of your happiness that you’ll never get back.

another thing you might try when you see this person or think about what happened, is to remind yourself of a time when you hurt someone else, either knowingly or unwittingly. we’ve all hurt someone’s feelings before. maybe what you did is nowhere near as bad as what was done to you, but by whose standards? remember…to err is human…to forgive, Divine

one last thing, then i’ll shut up…remember in the bible Jesus said, “if you come to pray, do not come with unforgiveness towards your brother in your heart. for if you do not forgive your brother, then your Father in Heaven will not forgive you. Instead, go to your brother and forgive him (or her). make peace. then your Father will surely forgive you. we Native Americans abide by that rule. even before we knew what a bible was, we believed that you should never go into a spiritual ceremony if you were holding a grudge

this should have been my 3rd response. no idea how it got out of order

2nd response

1st response. (whats wrong with these crazy things?! everything is out of order!!

I had a grudge against my family for a long time, for some of them I still do. They mistreated me, and I keep remembering it like it’s some big neon sign flashing but the thing is for some of those grudges…it’s time that fades them away. I grew a little, and didn’t care as much. It happened a long time ago, they don’t bother me anymore. I can move on with my life. That is one way to look it at.

if i’ve guessed right, it happened to me too. and millions of other people. nobody believed me. my mom and sister thought i made it up and ignored me. now that i’m older (or just plain old!) and wiser, i realize that at the time it was something they couldn’t handle knowing and didn’t know how to deal with. many people stick their head in the sand when issues like this arise, because it is so out of range of their coping capabilities. theres nothing to be done for it but to forgive and let it go. its counter-productive to carry that with you your whole life or to make your mom carry the guilt. it won’t change what happened