I just feel so creepy all the time, I see a lot of other people as cute or sweet or nice and when I remember I'm not like that it feels like I've been punched in the face. I'm really tall and I like to hide my hands and face in my sleeves and my hair and I don't like talking to people and I feel that my voice is messed up or something. I also have a habit of trying to hug things (usually binders or folders) close to my chest, and I feel like I freak people out all the time. I have really great friends, even if I don't have many, and even though I'm usually the one talking all the time with my best friend and my family, I can barely say a word to anyone else and I just feel like I'm the odd one out all the time. I also have problems in P.E. class because I just don't feel as good-looking as everyone else and I absolutely HATE playing in a team because I'm already fully aware that I'm terrible at sports but the fact people depend on me and have to work with me and probably feel embarrassed by me when I mess up just rubs it in my face, and I just feel so bad at everything because even though I get good grades I don't think I deserve it because it's kind of based off the fact I have a good memory, and that's it. I also feel I can't relate to anyone because when I meet anyone who I think just might have the same problems as me, they end up doing something that makes me completely throw that thought away. Literally the only thing I can look forward to is sitting on the bus, eating, reading, watching shows or talking to like 3 people out of everyone I know. Everything else is painful for me and I hate it and then I hate myself for it because I know people are in much worse positions than me and then I tell myself it's okay since I actually feel bad about it and then it just keeps going and I don't feel it's right and that I'm overthinking and it's all just so messed up but then I overthink again and I don't know what to do.
I'm sorry this turned into a really long rant about my thoughts since school started back up again, I just felt the need to spill everything out into the internet since there's not much else I can do. Also, I'm in the sixth grade, if it helps.
Listen,you are what you are and its not right being tall is great everyone wants to be tall.and its not bad to hug.i mean i hug my blanket at night.lol and its funny you said you are embarrased because of it.its pretty normal.you are just feeling negative now whats bad in getting good grades and that you have good memory.iam dumb i put something in some drawer and spend time to remember it but you cant be silly like me.haha.when i was short i wanted to be tall.when i was tall i wanted to be short again but then i accepted my self as for who iam.you should appreciate your self much more you are just depressed everyone feels it.ups and downs.but it is good that you shared because it lowers the weight of problem.everyone is good in their own unique way.others can't be like you and you cant be like them.no one is perfect.we oftenly see others happy but what we actually need to see is our own beauty.dont stress,do your best and forget the rest.it is not these people that you need to make happy its with your self.you have good friends go out with them.i remember i finally started to get over what people think and how they are at age 18.you are 17 your life is just on studies focus on it you have a great future waiting which you will make and it cant be good if you dont accept your self at first.dont care about people they only know your name so they dont own a right to judge you.you are fighting your own battle.let them be and focus on yours.there is greatness in everyone of us.and in you too!! go hang out with your friends have fun girl you are lucky you have friends and family many ppl have only one of these two or not at all.life is a gift.do your hobbies and dont think about people its your life.not theirs!! and stay positive never think negative remember.it always!!