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Constant paranoia about my boyfriend

Long story short my boyfriend and his ex are still friends. They aren’t super close. They don’t hug or you know hold hand or any of that stuff thank goodness. I’ve told him that I get paranoid about this and he says that he doesn’t have feelings at all for his ex and I said ok, but part of me still feels uneasy. He says i can trust him but I feel as though im guarding myself because I don’t want to get hurt. I love him very much and he loves me, and deep down I know that he wouldn’t intentionally hurt me, but I don’t know what my deal is. He doesn’t like me talkin to certain guys because they’re too touchy feely on me and he hates it. I don’t tell him to just stop talking to his ex because it’s not my right to do that and plus I’m not controlling. He told me that his best friend and I are mainly the only one he texts. When we are in class they’ll talk to each other from across the room, sometimes they might walk in the hall together, they ask each other questions and stuff. One of my friends told me that his ex doesn’t like him any more and that they’re just friends. Hea always reassuring me that he doesn’t like her like that and that I always come first. When he says that I feel good at that moment then later on when I see them talking my mind goes straight to him still having feelings for her and cheating on me. This is really messing me up mentally because it’s all I seem to think about now. Am I just overreacting and exes can be friends as long as they aren’t too close?, or do I have a reason to be nervous about them?

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Answer #1

Based on the information you have provided I would say that you are overreacting. Ex-partners can become good friends, as I have experienced with my previous girlfriends. You need to make sure that he feels trusted by you. If you continue to ask him about her and act paranoid he will feel as though you don’t trust him, and this could damage your relationship. Take some time to calm yourself down and maybe then express your concerns to him. Tell him that you do trust him, but you just feel paranoid because you’re scared of being hurt. If he understands that you’re feeling vulnerable then he may act in more supportive ways and may even consider communicating with her less (though this should not be your aim because - like I said - ex-partners can be good friends and he may enjoy the friendship).

Answer #2

Being in a school environment is kind of hard to ask your boyfriend not to have any interaction with his ex. He should be able to talk to her and still be friends with her thou as couples can be best of friends after breaking up. If you see them flirting with each other, than obviously your paranoid and distrust is correct thinking he might cheat on you as he is adding fuel to the fire (pardon the pun) and then it will be your decision whether to flick this guy and select another boyfriend that does not have an ex-girlfriend at the same school as him. If on the other hand you are one of these jealous type that do not like their boyfriend having female friends, sadly you are going to lose out as no guys want to be bossed around by their girlfriends.

Answer #3

As I think you have implicitly recognized, this is not really about your bf and his ex. It’s about your own feelings of insecurity and fragility. Have those feelings arisen for you in other areas of your life, or in previous episodes and relationships? If not, ask yourself if there are other problems in your relationship with your bf that would be there even if his ex moved away. But if the feelings are familiar ones, then you need to look more deeply into the real, inner source of your fears.

Answer #4

In a situation such as this, you need to be careful. If your bf’s ex continues to be a problem with you, and if you keep on making your feelings and objections known to your bf, you might end up pushing him away. If you push hard enough, you could lose him completely. The previous comments, made by others, offer some very good suggestions. As one person commented, the problem is within you. It’s your feelings about the situation. Feel threatened? Of course. All of us would in that situation. But express your fears or make them apparent to your bf? That’s a bad idea. If you have a good relationship with a responsible, mature female adult, then this might be just the person for you to discuss your feelings with regarding this situation. Outside of that, counseling could help. If you don’t overcome your insecurity, you may alienate every guy you date. You should be able to have male friends. He should be able to have female friends. It’s remarkable that he can still be friends with one of his ex gf’s because that’s a hard thing to do. I know it is for me. If anything, his ability to still be friends with someone he once dated should be admired. Not everyone has the presence of mind and the maturity to do that. You need to admire him more for being able to do that and worry about his friendship with her less. I hope this helps.

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Answer #7

Your kinda exaggerating this….take time and have trust in him He’s probably telling you the truth and one question: Have you dated anyone before? if not there’s the problem because you want this realtionship to be perfect..;) If you have dated someone before and this has happened before and it ended badly…you should just calm down and put your trust in this guy…He seems really sweet and you should really trust him! :) Hope I helped:)

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