My boyfriend made plans to travel with his best gal pal before we met. They've been friends for about 5 years, never dated. Their relationship is kind of weird though...they're like really close and he texts her every single day. She has a boyfriend though and they're buying a house together, so I'm not really afraid they're into each other. We've been dating 4 months. That would be their second trip together while we're dating. I told him I was uncomfortable with the second trip and that I wish he wanted to travel with me. To make a very long story short, I said if you go, I probably will break up with you because it hurts me too much. I know it sounds like I'm controlling but it just hurts too much and I wanted to be honest with him. Anyway, he consulted his platonic girlfriend and they decided they would still go even if it meant losing me. So I guess that's what hurts, the fact he chose his trip over our relationship...but also I created the situation by giving him an ultimatum so, I'm very mixed up now... So am I being irrational? I know if he was going with a guy it would be different so...am I just jealous? How would you deal with this? How do I get closure, I can't keep talking about this to death with him...He's been so patient. And I'm definitely not leaving him he's the sweetest guy and I love him.
Thank you! :)
Since this trip was planned before the two of you met, what you need to do is just accept it and deal with it with maturity and understanding. If you don't trust him, you'll never keep him anyway.
His friendship with this woman is obviously a very important one.(who knows, maybe he can communicate with her like he never could his mom or sister just for ie) Friendship has no boundaries, you don't find a close friend just anywhere, friendships are built and developed.
Trust me I know these things from experience.
I'd say if you really like this guy, then put you're big girl pants on and be rational about this. THEN........let your relationship grow, and see what happens. You just can't put restrictions on people especially after only four months.
If you want a real. meaningful good relationship with anyone, this is what you have to do in order to find out who is right for you. Trust and communication are of the upmost. Trying to control someone is never going to develop into anything worth either person's time, rather a waste of time.
You've only known him four months. Your words and actions will dictate whether this guy comes back around.....................THEN you might get the answers your after and have something to "build" upon if you want.....................:)
Well I think you should respect their friendship. They have been best friends for years and for you to suddenly come in the picture and start giving ultimatums isn't cool. I think you and your bf should make the effort to have all 3 of you hang out because his friend is obviously going to be in his life for a long while. On the other hand, I think he should have invited you on the trip or planned a separate trip that includes you since you are his girlfriend. You shouldn't have given him an ultimatum but its sad that he chose his friend over you.... But then again, 4 months isn't really that long and you're already starting to show your jealous side. Honestly I would be uncomfortable if my bf went on a trip with a girl I didn't know too, but I would just have to trust him.... You guys need to talk it out.
You're right. I just feel jealous though,I guess...I shouldn't have checked his phone (did I mention I did that?) I probably sound like a crazy person.... But the fact is, I know he texts her «I love you and I miss you» and when I ask him if he misses me sometimes he just says, no «I'm not really that type of person.» Plus this girl tried to break us up, she keeps saying stuff like «if he had to chose between you and me he'd pick me...» I guess she knows he's had a crush on her before and she feels loved and even though she doesn't want to go out with him, she probably wants to be the most important person in his life. So that's why I react this way I guess. I don't know how to feel about the fact that he really loves this girl who hates me...and I worry that he loves her more...
As a guy who's best friends are all girls, I think you really need to respect their friendship. It's obvious that they wouldn't do anything together and the trip is just part of their friendship. It's been four months and you need to be cool with their friendship but respectfully ask for some more attention as well. I definitely agree that you should spend time with his gal friend and get to know her so you're more comfortable with them doing stuff together
Afterthought: I think I was kinda hard on you in a couple ways and I applogize for that. Even though I meant everything I said and believe it's all true, I should have included that I DO understand your position and how you may feel too. This is difficult for you for sure and I do understand that. It was the ultimatum part that got my wheels turning. I know you like this man and want a relationship with him,
Let him go and build on your relationship afterwards. You will see when he gets back. What else can you do? Throw it away now forever, or show excellent character and prevail. Either way you will win in your heart because you did what was right and mature. Noone can place blame on you for conducting yourself properly
Dump the making you second best looser...What you feel and say is 100% normal and right, he is in the wrong and obviously cares more for her than you.Dont question your own actions when his are so unreasonable.
I would love to spend time with her but she hates me and tried to break us up on several occasions...so I don't know what to do.
Ooo that's not right!
thanks that helps :)