I am a good christian girl, I strive to be close to God, I want a great relationship with him, and I love to learn what he has instor for me. But there is this guy friend that I have and he isn't a christian, or at least not a good one and we love to hang out and be flirty and have fun. Well last night he asked me if we wanted to be friends with benefits and I was wondering if that is okay thing to do when I am a christian?
Well, the Christian ethic is that you don't have sex before marriage. Can you go having casual, meaningless sex out of wedlock and still be considered a commandment, Jesus fearing Christian? Imagine what your pastor would say if you asked him that question. Right.
The fact that you'd even ask this question leads me to believe that you are not so resolute in your faith as you say you are. I know plenty of God fearing Christians who knew the answer to your question by age 10.
So it seems now that your real question is not really a question at all. More an announcement that you are considering engaging in activities that are gravely against the rules of your faith. Because pleasures of the body are temptations, this is something that all young Christians are faced with at some point. Some stay in the faith, hold off, end up marrying very young (look at Jessica Simpson) and then realize that it was all a big mistake just because they wanted to truly be an adult and have sex. Some leave the faith for awhile, or change to a more loose religion and piss off their family in between.
Now is the time in your life, when the decision is yours. Its sounds to me like you are speaking out of fear, because what you're basically saying is that, "hey, I love God and am a good Christian, but I wanna have meaningless sex with a guy I think is real cute. That's okay, right?"
Well, I'm no Christian. But I'm also not going to come on here and say, "it's okay, honey. You just go ahead and have all the crazy sex you want, God will understand." So I don't know what to tell you. If you seek the advice of your Christian family, they will tell you that you are wrong and committing sin. If you solicit the advice of non Christians, they are going to give you the blessing to spread your legs anytime you want for anyone.
Putting religion aside for a moment, I am in the opinion the "friends with benefits" is not the things for young people to do. Especially virgins. There are a whole set of rules and regs that "friends with benefits" entails that you really only understand as a sexually experienced adult. And even then, I find that most adults don't do it right. Inevitably, someone ends up caring for one person more than the other. It's a big mess and I'd only just have sexual relationships with people you actually care for and are having at least a dating relationship with.
Whenever a guy proposes a friends with benefits situation, it means that he has no desire to date you, fall in love with you, or be your boyfriend. It just means he wants sex with you without strings, whenever he wants, indefinitely. What an honor!
At least find a guy that finds worth and value in your for more than just your nether regions. When I was young, I found some guy who just wanted to have sex with me very, very boring. Every guy wanted that, therefore I had no interest and all and resented that he couldn't be different. So find yourself some power here to make your own decision. You'll get people telling you nothing different here but to "go for it" or to stay a good Christian and wait until marriage. You already know those are your options. You have to make this decision yourself.
I have always looked at it this way..God loves the sinner not the sin..i am a christian too and my boy friend is not on top of that we will together i love God got o church every week offten times twice a week and am really involved in it..I read my bible every day and I am not just some one who is saying that i really do do these things and I am only seventeen years old..(in foster care too) the thing is there is know good or bad christian we are all people and we are all isnners and we all fall short and give in to temtation I have as have everyone..what makes you a good christian do you think? For we are saved by faith and not by works..itis not what we do or do not do that saves us but by our faith in God and what Jesus did for us on the cross. If you love God and believe that christ did you are saved and already forgiven for the sins you commited and will commit it is no excuse to sin but if you think god will hate you if you mess up you are worng he will never stop loving you and he will never abandon you..as for this friends with benifits i would say know don't do that because it is a meaningless thing there is no commitment and know love..just pleasure for self gain..things like that should be done with some one you love not with out any attatchments i think that is wrong my self..I love the mani am with and it is my prayer that in time he will come to love God the way I do and I had sinned against God with him..and i know it was wrong but I love him too..thing is although I have reason God will not excuse my sin but he will not stop loving me either.. i personaly say know to friends with benifits and wait for love..it is more then worht it..either way God will love you.
I didn't read all the posts, and this may have been covered, but, if not, I would like to add that in matters of intimacy, we are not to give our hearts to unbelievers... and this is what is going to happen, if this continues in this direction.. God wants us to pick a mate from the believers, so that we are not unequally yoked... it brings heartache.. much of the time... so, if we knowingly go against his word, we will reap what we sow.. he teachs us to remain pure, to save ourselves for our spouse, adultry is sin, and it will bring heartache, there is no way to get around consequences... guilt is a big one.. and if God lives in you.. you will feel guilty... and dirty... Satan will not tell you this up front... but, ask anyone who has been there, they will tell you that guilt is real... and it is painful... the exact opposite of joy... that God gives and wants us to walk in... guilt will destroy us, if we let it... that is why the word tells us to confess our sins... so that they can be forgiven... and we can be delivered from the awful burden that sin brings... Consequences also follow sin... every time... without exception...God will forgive us when we ask, but, he does not wipe away the consequences... we are stuck with them... and some of them are very painful indeed...Much to think about... as you make your choice... The bible says to flee fornication... that means to run... from it... to deny it in your life... to abstain from it... to refuse to give into temptation... the benefits of following Gods word, are peace of mind, and the joy of knowing you did it his way.. and not your own... God Bless...
Friends with benefits is not a way to build or maintain a relationship with God. I dont understand why you so called friend would ask this of you knowing you are christian. A true friend helps build your faith even if he doesnt have any. Its about being there for you not taking advantage of you. There are many things that can go wrong and I gaurantee you will not feel good about it afterwards. Keep yourself strong and continue to seek God. I beleive you know the answer to this question and are looking for someone to say its ok but you must look for the answer from God and God says it not ok. Fornication is a sin. Do not harm your soul. Express this act of love when your in love and married, you will so glad you did. Be honorable and faithful to Gods teachings, his teachings are made to help and help you it will if you dont do such thing. Help your friend become christian and teach him what you have learned. Do not be seduced by the things of the flesh because they will harm your inner peace and guilt will be prevalent. I pray everything goes well and that you may find your answer from God. Be strong and love God.And remember God will love you but will you love yourself?
Bit surprised this thread is still going on... I think that those who bang on about "sin" etc are sightly missing the point, as is the person above who writes "go for it if you'de (sic) like".
My feeling is that the girl who originally posted this (months ago!) is someone who doesn't really want to do the friend-with-benefits thing, and was seeking validation of that. This is because she asked about it --- if you have to ask if it's a good idea, then you shouldn't be doing it.
FWB is not something everyone can do. It's a whole different moral code --- it means accepting that your partner is a j*rk and is likely to give you cr*p. If you attach any emotional significance at all to sex, then don't go there.
The original questioner's "friend" who suggested doing FWB sounds like a creep who was looking to exploit her. I only hope, for her sake, that she didn't take him up on his "offer", and she's probably best off with him out of her life. But if she did, she'd at least be unlikely to make that mistake again.
BTW, I'm not a Christian. Just a guy with morals, who hates seeing nice girls getting entangled with a$$holes.
... I agree, s*x with someone you're not in a loving, commited relationship with COULD really f*ck you up, short and long-term .
Your body is not a s*x toy for your friends. (although perhaps you could suggest a s*x toy to your friend next time he asks you for benefits).
Also, by the same token, you would not be respecting your friend or his body.
We can understand putting our fingers in fire will hurt but
because emotional and pshycological damage is much less tangible, we do kinda find it difficult not to do the things we know will hurt us.
. you are the one who should care about your sacred body and soul and decide who'm you trust to share it with. Love and respect your self above all others, dont put yourself in situations that arent good. You deserve better.
If you aren't mature or sure of yourself enough to make some decisions, you could ask the advice of your parents? or other adults - ones who have functional and happy relationships will give the most worthwhile advice -I hope you find such support..
Personally I think the friends with benefits thing is horrible. I'm not religious, so I won't even START on that one. But think about it.. yeah, for now you'd have your fun. You may even be the type of person that never wants to get married. What happens years from now, down the road.. you finally meet the woman or man of your dreams... (DON'T think this won't happen to you cause I guarantee you it will) that person asks you how many people you've slept with.. what happens then? You can't lie, so when you do tell them, that would be a HUGE bummer to lose the person of your dreams, MERELY because you wanted to have some fun earlier in life. I know several real life examples of this.. so don't think it doesn't happen. Either be in a committed relationship, or don't be in one at all. Pointless/dangerous fooling around can lead to some BIGGG problems down the road.
Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body. 14 And God hath both raised up the Lord, and will also raise up us by his own power. 15 Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid. 16 What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh. 17 But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit. 18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. 19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? 20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.
No, it just means you, like the rest of us, are a sinner. The thing to do is to stop the sinful "benefits," ask God's mercy (such as, for Catholics, Reconciliation), and try to live according to the Gospel.
What's the problem with these sins? Well, you are using your body to say, "I give myself to you completely," when you have not, in fact, made any such commitment. You are lying with your body. I assume you are using some form of birth control, to protect yourself in case..
Or, do your parents know and approve of what you are doing? Why not?
Well, true intimacy, in a committed relationship, does not need protection. The very fact you need protection, the very fact you are ashamed to tell everyone of your commitment, and to make that commitment in the first place, indicate something is missing here. And that points toward the sin.
"No, it just means you, like the rest of us, are a sinner." -committedchristian
It's true. We're all sinners. Trimming your beard is a sin. Eating seafood is a sin. Wearing a shirt made of two different materials is a sin. Thinking bad thoughts is a sin. Having sex with someone who's not wearing a wedding ring that you gave them is a sin. Having sex with someone who's the opposite sex is a sin. Keeping slaves is NOT a sin. Murdering a non-Christian is NOT a sin. Murdering a Christian is a sin. Blowing up a city with a nuclear weapon is a sin.
Every sin is equal, we're told. So wearing a cotton/polyester mixed shirt is equal to detonating a bomb on a busy subway.
Sure you sinned (e.g. you ate some shrimp, you kissed someone of the same sex, you kill nine people with a chainsaw) but it's okay. We're all sinners.
It is not wrong to seek someone for companionship, but why only friends, why not boy friend and girlfriend? I have had this happen to me, I was IN LOVE with him(will not name HIM), but all he wanted was friends with benefits, I did my best to please him, hoping that the more I did what he wanted, the more he would see I loved him, but all he saw me as was a good time. I would be in heaven when we where together, but after wards, I would feel dirty and alone, knowing I was just someone he used to appease his sexual desires, nothing more. I had to leave him, it was the worst things honestly, I loved him, or thought I did, but how could I love someone who didn`t love me enough to want to be seen with me as a girlfriend, who respected me? If your relationshipe with him is to become physical, know why first.
The Bible says sex is a gift from God for a husband and a wife. If you aren't married and having sex you are outside of what God wants and desires for you. Since sex outside of marriage is not what God designed or wants of you, it is not something you should be doing. Everyone makes mistakes and plenty of Christians mess up, but you aren't talking about something happening in the heat of the moment (which is still sin), you are talking about deliberate sin. God will always forgive but the Bible makes it clear that we are not to deliberately sin just b/c God will forgive us...that in itself is wrong. God to your Bible and look at what God says about sex...it is a gift to be shared w/in a marriage and outside of that it's wrong.
Friend with benefits is generally a bad idea, Christian or no. Someone (usually the girl) always gets hurt. In particular, if you have to ask others if they think you should do it, then it isn't something you can handle.
Incidentally, I take issue with juniperone , for saying that non-Christians will always give advice along the lines of "spread your legs anytime you want for anyone". I'm not religious, and I'm saying that casual sex is probably not for the original questioner. You can be open-minded about people's sexual behaviour, and still understand that casual sex isn't for everyone --- it isn't for me: I already know I don't want to be a man-slut, and never have done.
... Christian means 'Christ Like', right? ... Do you think Jesus (God) went around having freinds with benifits or casual relations? I dont think so. Its a perrrdy lame excuse, if its not intercourse then it doesnt count.. you get the same results.. results that should be saved for marriage.
And Lord knows I have my own problems to work on.. but I think there is a such thing as a bad Christian. If people say they are, and then go out and randomly hook up, get drunk, do drugs, dress slutty, whatever it may be.. and think, hey I can just ask for forgiveness and then just go do it again and again... thats just wrong. How is that even being a good person let alone Christian?
Although there are no "bad christians" if you know that you shouldn't do things, then don't do them. If you think that you are going to have s*x before marriage or that something bad will arise from this relationship, then I advise you to get out of it this instant. Being a christian is being close to God, yes, but it's also being able to follow his word, and make sure to obey it. If you do something wrong out of ignorance, then God will surely forgive you. In fact, he will forgive you out of love, (like parents) however, if you keep doing something out of pure stupidity, then you need to repent. Don't do something foolish, that you will regret, because God sees everything.
Jennifer, ultimately is comes down to YOUR denomination and personal beliefs about the subject matter. I don't think having a 'friend w/ benefits' is so much the problem topic, its more of a 'pre-marital sex' issue.
Keep in mind, the responses you're getting are from a HUGE variety of Christian denominations. Some are idealists, fundamentalists, literalists, etc.
As far as the Bible goes: Well, there are too many contradictions in the Bible to make it a totally complete & applicable 'go-to guide' for modern living. Sometimes, you just have to rely on your well-being and common sense...
If you are asking this question, then you probably already know the answer. If you have to "think up" a good reason for something, then that is a ggod clue for you, that it is probably not. A Christian is someone who loves and follows Jesus. He says that if we love him, we will obey him. He wants us to obey him because he loves us and knows what it best for us. Whenever you are not sure if what are wanting to do is good or bad, think to yourself, "If I could see the look on Jesus face while he was watching me do this, would the look be sad, or would he be smiling."
I agree with callynth about having to 'think up" a good reason to explain your behavior. Another clue: if you are tempted to hide the behavior from others, like parents or church ministers, than you really need to consider if it is good.
And, to respond to captainassassin, the Christian's trust in God's mercy is not a loophole, a free pass to continue to sin. St. Paul writes extensively on the commitment to God's mercy. We are set free for virtue, not to sin. To continue in sin because we can always then turn around and be forgiven is perverse.
1. The New Testament says to not yoke yourself to an unbeliever. That was speaking to a marriage or physical union.
2. The New Testament speaks of sexual sin as being against your own body, and that fornication (sex outside of marriage) is contrary to God's will and purpose.
I have yet to find a way in the Bible to reconcile having sex with someone you're not married to. Yes, it happens in the Bible, but not without consequences, and the Bible, taken as a whole, is pretty clear that it's not in God's will.
If you are old enough to marry and cannot control yourselves, and plan to be married very soon, God overlooks it. But as others have stated, having sex makes you one with them and how many others has he been with? Multiply that out and then fall back on your knees and ask for forgiveness for even thinking of giving yourself to another before marriage. You will be so blessed for waiting. Such is the debate over abstinence only sex education!
"Incidentally, I take issue with juniperone , for saying that non-Christians will always give advice along the lines of 'spread your legs anytime you want for anyone'."
flagboy that was WAY out of line. I'm not religious AT ALL but I don't believe that. I would never do that, and I know plenty of non-Christians that think the same way. Just because we aren't Christian doesn't mean we don't have MORALS.
Sex is only special between a man and his wife- without the commitment there- the fun will only be for a short while and you will feel used and dirty when he decides he wants nothing more to do with you. Besides- why would you even consider doing that for him? If he disrespects you so much that he only wants you body and no relationship he's not worth your time.
no offense, but doesnt God want you to stay a virgin until your marrier. I too am a Christian and I am devoted to my faith trying to develope a great realationship with the Lord, but shouldnt the word abstinence come into mind? Personally, a Christian devoted to her faith and God shouldn't have friends with benefits.
I'm supprised it hasn't been locked either flagboy. After 9 months it is time. If you wish so repost this question ok but I'm locking this thread.
and Mexiborg. . . Murder is murder Christian or not and it is a sin Christian or not. . . Like a man loving a man as he would a woman is a sin.
Did your friend mean friends with benefits... as in s*x? Or something else? If he meant s*x then I don't think you should be "friends with benefits". I don't think God would want you to be just having s*x and saying it's nothing more than just benefits.
Sarah, I was responding to, and quoting, someone who wrote this way above. Indeed, I was contradicting the earlier poster's apparent inference that non-Xtians have no morals. Read it carefully. I'm not religious either.
Boy.. we don't need Satan... Captain is doing just fine... trying to convince in the opposite direction... Kinda like a big bird, when ever a nugget is dropped, in he comes swooping to grab it... and take it away...
Just wanted to add: someone who wants to be a friend 'with benefits' sure sounds like spin for 'we can do more with each other than just friends' or 'we can USE each other for smoething' - common sense - DANGER !
Ask yourself: Would this please or not please my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ ?...The Holy Spirit (who lives within every Christian) will guide you to the right decision.
there is no such thing as a bad christian. if youi're christian you should know God forgives all sins, even sex before marriage. even good christians aren't perfect.
It depends on your denonimation. In any case, people will more likely have a problem with it than God. I'd say keep it between you, God, and your "friend"
Like others have said, you can't have it both ways.
Are you a sincere Christian or someone who just plays lip service to being a Christian?
"Murdering a non-Christian is NOT a sin."
"wearing a cotton/polyester mixed shirt is equal to detonating a bomb on a busy subway."
seeing how it wont have any effect on you, nothing bad is going to happen to you for it, go for it if you'de like. youll be fine.
Of course, you've always got that "ask, and ye shall be forgiven" loophole...
Youre a Christian and you dont knw the answer to that question???
Define what you mean by benfits in this case. . . .
No!!! Not the Bible contradiction thing again.
well said, tor.