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My mom grew up as the only girl in a family of 8, so that's 5 brothers, an alcholic ex-navel officer father and a mother who just didn't have the time. Religion was one of the only things she had. I was brought up a catholic, but I'm an atheist. She forces me to go to church every sunday we can, plus our church teen group afterwards. I've just started skiping church, because I'm sick of sitting through something I don't believe in. My dad knows, and he thinks I should just bite my tongue and make my choice known to her when I turn 18. But, I'm getting confirmed soon, and that's on of the last things I want to do. I love my mom, but I can't do this any more. What should I do?
You need to find a way to talk to her that won't lead straight into a row. That will be the biggest issue, I think - she will want to know the truth but may react very badly when she first hears it from you. Once she's had a chance to calm down, so long as the issue hasn't escalated into a huge argument, I think she'll be able to talk to you about it calmly. So it's the first approach that matters here...
Be prepared to speak to her briefly but very non-emotionally. You need to be very mature about this and not blame her for anything. That way, she'll listen to what you're really saying instead of getting emotional about the way you feel. Maybe you just need to begin with:' I don't know if you've noticed, but the way I feel about church has changed. Can we talk about how I feel some time, please?'
If you leave it at that, maybe she'll be able to prepare herself for a mature conversation about it later. Try not to prolong the first conversation - really you're just 'flagging up' that you want her to prepare for a longer conversation later.
I'm writing this to you as a Christian mum, by the way. But I really, really want my sons to grow up knowing that the truth is more important to me than any false expectaions I have of them. We love our children for who they are, not for who they pretend to be for our sake. So I totally agree that you need to be honest with her about this.
Very good luck...
This is a hard one, because religion is one of those topics that people have the greatest opinions. The best solution I can come up with is to start a conversation like this: "Mom, you know you've raised me to be an individual and form my own opinions about things? Well, recently I have (found these things about religion to seem flawed...and explain)." Hope this helps.
