Cards on the table but cant choose...

Hes in state jail halfway through with his sentence and I resent him I think.. For not bein here and for fallin and love with him. I miss him like crazy I just wanna be numb from it all should I continue to risk getting my heart broke it makes me worry soo much or disconnect myself from him..atlest until he gets out?? Hes known for his promisqurity* and gettin jacckd up but I know a deeper side I love his fun personallity and the innocents and mystery I see in his eyes im good at reading people but he makes my heart beat fast and butterflies fill my stomac and im too lost in him to not believe what he says though I feel like im being played when im not looking and his eyes.. Whats up with that?? Hes never been caught cheating but he gets messd up and talks alotta crap hes a huge flirt but so am I so cant blame him. Our five year annaversorys this month I just cant believe how much time I’ve spent with him. He wants to do good and get straight when he gets out “make you proud of me I dont wanna hurt you anymore” he says I dont have to wait on him as long as he gets a chance once hes out, but it feels wrong to whatever person I get with knowing my hearts somewhere else. Please any advice will truly help.