Breaking Up

I am so confused about this. But before I start describing my predicament, I would like to state that I have a history of complicating things unnecessarily, so I may just be doing that.

My boyfriend and I have been going out for a month and a half. Ever since we started dating, I have been questioning the future of our relationship and my feelings for him, possibly only because I’m the kind of person who worries too much.

But it soon became evident to me that while my feelings were decidedly lukewarm, and were only beginning to strengthen, my boyfriend was already deeply in love with me. We’re both only 16 years old, but he already wants to become a part of me. He says I’m the most important thing in the world to him, and honestly, he thinks about little else but me. It was very disconcerting for me, but I went along with it, even when he started talking about marriage and children. I started feeling suffocated and panicked. I realised that he probably wasn’t the person with whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life , and so I began trying to make little changes in him. Of course it didn’t work, and I ended up feeling incredibly guilty for not loving him for him, as he loved me for me.

I decided then to wait a while before evaluating our relationship, but when he told me that his happiness depended on me, and became panicked one day because I was more friendly than romantic, I realised that I was hurting the both of us. The last thing I want to do is hurt him, but if I “wait out” this relationship any longer, I think I’ll just be stringing him along.

But the problem doesn’t end there. I do have feelings for him, even after all this doubt and worry. So I feel depressed now that I’ve realised I have to end it. What is more important is that he has become my best friend, and I don’t want to lose that! I know I probably will. And I can’t help but wonder if I’m the one who’s in the wrong. Am I afraid of commitment? What if I’m throwing away something wonderful? What if I never find this again?

I know that I don’t love him or cherish/ appreciate his love as it should be appreciated. And that’s just not fair. So at the very least, I need to let him go so that he can find happiness in someone else, someone better suited to him.

The most important thing is that, I don’t want to hurt him, but I don’t know how to end our relationship without doing so. He had thought that we were soulmates.