why can't boys be easy?

i have no idea. its just so hard to throw everything away. he is so good to me all the time except for these things. its just hard

I don’t really like the sound of this guy. He doesn’t let you have friends? That isn’t good. I mean you have to have fun and he can’t just stop you. He also seems to get mad at you quickly. Its your choice of course but I don’t think this is such a good idea to keep dating him.

the thing is he lets me have friends but he makes me feel guilty when i want to talk to them or take time from him to hang out with them. he always says he is being like this becasue im moving away this fall but he will be there the next year and i will see him 3 days out of the week at the lest

ok, well its hard. Does he have any friends? Maybe when you are with your friends think about the fact that he spends time with his friends( if he has any). It isn’t like you aren’t going to see each other ever so when you do meet up with him have a really good time, go out etc.

he has friends too but he doesnt really hang out with them unless im at work because i dont get off until 6 every day.ive been debating on when i should talk to him about me wanting to join the organization i really want to do but i know he will not want me to do it, but in the back of my mind i really want to do it and i dont want to regret not joining later on.

He’s too over protective and not in a good way. It’s more possessive than protective. You need to think- Do you really love HIM, Or do you love the idea of having a boyfriend? Personally I don’t think you should stand for this treatment. I think you should break it off when you move. Just say that it’s too far and if you can’t see him everyday you don’t want to see him at all or something. Most relationships that start like this will end up with the guy becoming abusive to the girl later on. Save yourself, and find a guy that loves you for you.

i don’t want to break up and i will only be an hour away at school tuesday through thursday, so yeah…

I agree with the two above. I honestly think you should break up with him. I mean what kind of boyfriend is that if he makes you feel bad just for having friends. Or at least talk to him about it. Tell him you’re not going to want to put up with that anymore and if he can’t deal with that then it’s best you break up. I hope this helps!

Why don’t you want to break up with him? What are some nice, thoughtful things he does for you?

You need to end this relationship now. You need to be with somone who supports you with everthing from your toe nails to your work and friends. If he gets very angry with you, it might result into a worse situation. That situation could result in physical abuse. I advise you and I sure a lot of other people will to, just leave him. I am not sure how old you are, but you seem young and you have so much ahead of you in life. There are so many other fishes in the sea that will treat you with great respect.

He has gone back to school and is trying really hard for me (he isnt a school person) he takes care of me, brings me flowers all the time, takes me out and pays for everything. he really is so sweet to me. i think my blog makes him out to be a horrible person and he really isnt he is just always thinking the worst is going to happen and it drives me insane because it makes me feel like he cant trust me and i would never do anything to hurt him or damage our relationship.

My only advice is that people who love you want you to be happy, they don’t play with your emotions to control you, which sounds like what he’s doing. Whatever his reasons are, attempting to control others is not the basis of a healthy relationship.

Well I hope everything works out for you:)

thank you :) im going to talk to him and if he cant support me and let me live my dreams then some other guy will someday

You are very welcome.

That’s good. I wish you lots of luck

oh my god, my guy is exactly the same, this is so similar to me its freaky, i was with him for 11 months and we are now acting like we are together but we’re not, its been 14 months, and he does alot of stuff wrong but i always forgive him and if i dont forgive him within a couple of days he will bring something up from that past that i have done wrong and make me feel guilty, then he gives me a hug and says ‘shall we just forget everything’ and i am pretty much forced to say yes. then when i do something little wrong he drags it on for weeks but if i try to have a go at him he tells me i must not care at all seeing as im being a bitch. also he hates my best friend and has now turned us on each other and everything seems to be going wrong. i love giving people advice and i can give you advice and its the same advice people can give me - get out of this situation as soon as possible otherwise you’ll just love him more and more and it will get more unbareable to leave him, but i can promise you, as soon as you get out of this situation things will get better for you honestly. and that advice is the best advice i can give you but i understand how impossible it is to take. hope things get better xx

OH LORD, everything you said sounds just like me! did you break up with him?

Sigh. Classic signs of an abusive boyfriend, yet no one can ever see it for some reason. When words like ‘allow’ and ‘let’ and ‘feel guilty’ come about in the first few minutes, you know you’re looking at a relationship that’s headed towards abuse. Someone who is good to you brings out the best in you. They do not make you feel guilty, they do not have to give you permission, and they want you to be happy. Their wants and needs are not placed first. You can fool yourself into thinking that this is just a part of the problem. But it isnt. He’s jealous, controlling and possessive, and it will get worse. You’ve invested a lot. And it sucks. But it seems pointless continuing to invest further in something that will get worse when you are not under his watch 24/7. And because there are always two sides to every story, you really might want to think about why you choose to be in a relationship with a guy who controls you. I mean I can sort of understand the appeal of someone who wants to be with you all the time. But there might be insecurities hidden behind there. It is ok for you to want and have your own life. Anyone who loved you would give you that. Otherwise they are more interested in controlling you then making sure you’re happy. And you deserve more than that.

I’m truly hoping that when you move an hour away, that it’s the first step in getting out of this completely. He’s a classic control freak…controling not only how you fight, how you think, the “forgiveness time schedule”….He’s given himself special priveledges, in a way that HE can be a certain way, but not you….and then there is the friends…..WTF?

Lots of us in our youth have tangled with someone like this….and most of us managed to get the h*ll out…..I’m hoping that’s what you will do! You be SURE to join that group when you move….I mean it….if he can’t accept that, then a furture for the two of you looks mighty grim (for you)….

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Hi honey… your words and the words of all these beautiful caring people are a page out of my book!! I got together with my husband when i was almost 19 years old.. now it’s a little over 9 years later and i’m in the same relationship and we’ve been through times a bliss and times of sorrow.. times of all forms of abuse.. I know just like you do that he wants me to be safe all the time and that’s why it’s better if i’m at home instead of going out all the time like he does. I know he has a great side to him and cares about me so much. He is a total jerk but then he loves me like no one else… I get it and i’ve tried to leave several times… For me i see my relationship with him has something to do with my mother because she always wanted me with her.. doing for her.. living for her.. she didn’t stop me from having friends but didn’t make it easy for me to have relationships with them either.. she did a lot of things to stop me from being an individual. I’m going to be 29 this month and it’s taken me this long to really put so many pieces of my life together to understand more about myself and my choices. I was supposed to go to school and on trips so many times but he always found a way to make me feel guilty or make me feel stupid or look selfish so that i would choose not to do things on my own.. like he isn’t physically telling me “no” but putting me in the position to choose “no” for myself. I cannot tell you what to do with your life… so many have told me what all these nice people are telling you.. get out.. take care of yourself.. there are other people in the sea and all that and look where i am? i’m still here.. and now i have a 3.5 year old child who is taking the crappy ride with me and you know what? he is giving me the strength to do what i couldn’t do for myself when i was alone.. he is giving me the will to get some education and get out of this mess.. no matter how shiny the life he paints for me seems.. i need to make my own life and be happy with what i can do for myself. I don’t my son will grow up being like what he sees in our totally disfunctional relationship. When i was younger i felt like i had nowhere to turn.. i felt like i didn’t want to go stay in a shelter or something.. my mother was not an option.. my friends were my age and didnt’ have places of their own or they were too messed up and i didn’t want to be like them.. i felt like i had to accept his way of life to be happy. I don’t know all about you and i don’t know all about him.. my husband can be the sweetest thing.. then he can be a monster too in his worst moments.. you’re saying that you come here and make him out to look so horrible.. Your not making him look like anything but what he truly is.. you are suffering more than living and breathing and being happy.. that’s why you are talking about the difficult stuff.. no one needs help to be unhappy.. they need help to be happy.. Like i said before.. i can’t tell you what to do but i can tell you something.. be stronger then i was before and if you can do it.. do all that is good for yourself and when he isn’t happy about your choices for you.. do what is best for you and rid yourself of him. I know you love him so much.. i understand.. i do too.. but there is a better life for you for sure.. i know there is a better life for me and you. He is not allowing you to be an individual and its taken me years to recognize part of what being an individual is because i didn’t know before him.. i have learned that i want to be special and i want to do something meaningful in my life and he ultimately doesn’t seem to want that for me because then he feels i would be better than him or something and he needs to be on top.. he needs to be the best. Good luck =) p.s. once you have kids you all will be going through his abuses together..

if your relationship is so bad why do you stay in it? wouldn’t you want to get out for your son so he could have a better life? and i always feel like i wont find someone who will treat me better and it is scary to think of being alone, or him not having me to help him get through school so if we arent together i will destroy his life and ill be alone because i know he would quite school…but i plan on talking to him about my problems and if he gets defensive about it and does not support me then the only option i have is to break up with him, i just have to find the time to talk to him…

he is not abusive, and i have enough sense that if he even touched me i would get my two brothers and daddy to kill him, so im not worried about that, at all

ic.. well, it has taken me this long to get to that point where i can leave.. like someone else said here.. the longer your with the abuser the more attached and in love you get with them.. that is definitely a hard thing to get out of.. love is love whether it’s a messed up situation or not. his life.. my life.. yeah its all intertwined and that makes it difficult to see things clearly or do things in a clear way but right now i am gathering strength and skills and for 2 years of my sons life we lived separately for work reasons.. he had to be overseas and i wanted to be in america and then i could see that maybe we are happier apart and so on.. that time was a peaceful time in my son’s life and i am happy for that.. and looking forward to having that for him again ;) I hope that you get what you need whether you have to stay or go.. i understand it hurts to be treated like the way you’re describing and that is how we started and things evolved from there.. take care!! =)

oh and the other thing is when i was younger i was more concerned for him then for myself with business and school and would make adjustments to myself for him to have the type of life he wants for him and for me etc.. even now to some extent i’m doing that.. That is good when the relationship is healthy but i feel that in your case you should be proud that you got him to start going to school.. now you cannot take it upon yourself to feel responsible for him to stay in school til he is done.. i know you love him.. you want what’s best for him but at the end of the day he has to have that desire on his own to make it for himself too otherwise it won’t get him anywhere.. =)

abuse is not always in the form of physical violence. there is emotional abuse and mental abuse as well and those can turn into physical abuse but even if they don’t there are many people who will tell you that they would rather be hit then go through the other types.. i agree with ty on so many levels.. to get to the root of the problem and understand why you’re ok with his behavior try to look deeply into yourself.. is it possible that your male role models are protective in the way that you feel your bf is protective idk.. but it does help to think about how we choose and why.. sorry to keep going on but i just feel i need to add this.. =)

Here’s the hard truth - the longer you stay with the “wrong” person the longer it will be before you find the “right” person. You are not only delaying your inevitable break-up (broken relationships rarely get better)…you are delaying the reality of true happiness and genuine, mutual love and respect with someone who will love you exactly as you are and won’t try to mold you into the person that he wants you to be.

You posed the question and people are telling you what they know from experience…do you really want advice or just someone who will tell you to “hang in there, it’ll get better”?

im going to talk to him this weekend when i see him face to face and tell him this is what i want to do and if you dont support me then i guess we arent ment to be because he should support every decision i make. im very nervous, do you think i should type it all up or just go with the flow?

well its so bad because its like up and down at the moment, a little while ago i tried to detatch myself emotionally and i started talking to another guy, just casual. and then my so called best friend told him everything and he was being so horrid and got me to tell him what happened but he said if it was true then he would make my life hell so i couldnt tell him the whole truth because i cant deal with that at the moment, i have exams. so then he dragged that on for over a week and is still bringing it up a bit now but we are better and he is being quite nice. but i have like come to the decision that once my exams are over im going to tell him that whatever is going on between us is over and that i dont want to lose him so i hope that we can be friends but i cant deal with the pressure of things. its just hard because his mum died a couple of months ago so i cant get the courage to break it off with him because i make up excuses in my head when he is angry at me because he obv isnt having an easy time at the moment. but i know it cant carry on like this, let me know how you two go because its not fair on you to carry on like this x

you might want to list key points on a paper and not read it out but just make sure you cover each point by the end of the discussion. You are doing the right thing. Be strong! You already have a dream.. something that is important to you so i think you’ll do great! Just be ready for any type of guilt trips he might set on you.. keep yourself fixed on what you want and try not to let what he says hit you too hard =)

You need to end this.Plain and simple.This guy is nothing but trouble.