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Boyfriend is moving

My boyfriend got a job offer back home, which is a 6 hour flight away. I knew that he was going to go back home, we just didn’t expect it to be this soon. We have been dating for 3 years, official for a year and a half, very in love. He would like me to move with him, but I told him that I would not move my entire life away from my home and family unless he is more serious about our relationship. I told him we would have to get engaged. He is afraid of commitment, but did not say no to the idea yet, he asked questions about the situation. Then he told me that he will think about it, and for me to not stress about it…that everything will be fine and to trust him. I told him I would move if he proposes, and we can hold off planning the wedding immediately, and wait a year during the engagement to start planning the wedding. He is moving in a month, I am nervous, but not bringing it up again, because I don’t want to hound him about it. Help, what do I do, I can’t help my mind going crazy because I love him and I don’t want this to end, but I am nervous as to what his answer will be. Any advice on how to win his heart in the meanwhile?!

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Answer #1

I’m going to take what you said, and show you how stupid it was to say it

“Wow, well first off I didn’t say ‘propose to me or it’s over’.” + “If he says no, then fine I will stay here and keep my heart open for someone new and move on.”

You don’t need someone “older or wiser” to help you. You already don’t even understand what you’re asking of him, or even what’s floating around inside of your head. Why does he need to be the one to make such a big decision? Obviously if he’s asking you to move with him he still wants to continue with the relationship. If you feel like your relationship is going somewhere, then move with him and give it a shot. If not, you can live with the fact that you didn’t take the chance and you’ll never know where it could have gotten you. You shouldn’t need him to say “will you marry me?” to feel secure about being with him in a new area.

Answer #2

…You told him…”PROPOSE TO ME OR IT’S OVER”?

What’s wrong with you? Shouldn’t that be more of a special moment? If he isn’t ready for commitment, too bad, let him be. You shouldn’t say “make me your wife or we’re done”. What happens if he says yes, and then it turns out he only said that so you moved with him and he isn’t ready?

And no, I have no advice for you to “win his heart in the meanwhile” because chances are you are just going to take anything anyone says, do it for the one month you have left with him, and then never do any of it for him again. You’re just trying to grease the wheels so to speak, like when a guy buys a girl dinner so he can get laid.

Your options are move with him or find a new option. Telling him to propose to you is just wrong.

Answer #3

Wow, well first off I didn’t say ‘propose to me or it’s over’. I said that in order for me to move all the way across the country with him I need to know that what we have is serious. If he says no, then fine I will stay here and keep my heart open for someone new and move on. If he says yes, then I know he is serious and I won’t ever feel regretful about moving there with him.

Anyone a little older and wiser have advice? The previous advice is not helpful.

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