My boyfriend of over a year and I recently broke up. After about 2 weeks, he came back apologizing left and right and saying I'm the one. During that time though, he has become REALLY good friends with another girl. He told me that he would have come back to me much sooner if he hadn't been spending so much time with her: he referred to her as a distraction. (AKA, she was encouraging him not to get back together. Nothing ever happened between them). She has a long-term boyfriend, but she and my boyfriend do almost everything together. I'm not used to it, and it's bothering me. I'm trying to figure out what a reasonable take on the situation is. They are partners in their nursing classes, so to an extent they HAVE to spend time together. But for example, the other night he called me when he got home and said "see look, my priorities are with you. I called you first." First?? My response to him was "you call her every night?" She is definitely with another guy, but since he is on military leave he isn't ever around.
I drew the line when he told me he might take her out clubbing (even though he specified they wouldn't be dancing together, and that these were plans he made with her before he and I got back together). To me, that is just totally disrespectful and I made that known.
He loves me and I love him right back, I am just concerned that he is putting in more of his already limited time with her than he is with me, and it hurts. He is trying to balance everything and I'll give him that, I just am unsure about the situation. Is it reasonable for him to spend that much time with this girl, or am I being overbearing?
Same question every few months...end your suffering and dump the two timing looser in order to protect your own sanity.How you or any one can think this behaviour is exceptable is beyond me.In a perfect world yeah you could trust him and beleive all your told, but this aint a perfect world and the way he plays you is wrong and you are 100% right to doubt him.The fact you even have to ask a question about it is enough for me to say end it.If he loved you he would not need this friend like he does, the whole thing stinks, she dont like you?...well he should not like her...Get yourself a guy who will make you feel special,not second best,who will respect you and your feelings.And anyhow your boyfriend will no doubt not be around for so long coz i bet military other boyfriend guy will sort your boyfriend out when he gets home, not many people would believe there just "friends" BS.
"... Is it reasonable for him to spend that much time with this girl, or am I being overbearing? "
No, I don't think it is reasonable for him to spend that much time with her - now that he and you are a couple. However, in my opinion, it WOULD be overbearing if you expected him to start cancelling prior arrangements just because they made you feel uncomfortable.
I think it IS reasonable for him to fulfil his prior commitment to "take her clubbing" - an arrangement that he agreed to when you two were not "a couple".
I think you should just say you trust that he will not allow any inappropriate "intimacy" - even if that is what this other girl is hoping for.
This question does annoy me...Its like, if you were my women...and I Loved you, then just the fact this so called friendship upset you, would be enough to end it out of work...this friend of his dont like you, then he should not like her, he cant exactly be biggin you up all that when with her if she is like that about you...if she is his friend then she should like you because you make him happy, and why he wants to be with a work friend over his supposed women he loves is even more suspicious.I if in love want to be with my women 24/7...not when ever.
I used to have women platonic friends. In college most of my friends were women. I found that having women as friends put too much stress on my romantic relationships. While I wish it wasn't so I ended up having to choose between having a harmonious romantic relationship with no women friends and having female friends and living under a cloud of suspicion.