I don't know where to start. So anyways, I recently moved St. Louis, MO from Columbia, MO and it's about an hour and a half away. I guess I moved because of college and the fact that I wanted to be close to my parents because since I was about maybe 10 my dad has lived in different states for work and now that he is working in St Louis it gave my parents a chance to live together once again and I wanted to live with them too I guess. But anyways, for those of you who don't know what it's like moving to a new town; its hard. I have no friends. I seriously just sit in my room every single day on YouTube or playing Xbox. I go to a community college so I have class on tuesdays from like 7am-9am and the same class on thursdays and another class thursday night from 6pm-10pm and then a class on saturdays from 8am-5pm. And whenever I am not at class, I am in my room watching YouTube videos. I've applied to a few places to get a job. I got 2 interviews and neither one called me back about the job. So I don't have a job yet. But anyways, when I moved back in August, I had been dating my girlfriend for about four months. And while yeah it may not sound like much, it was to me. She was a different kind of girl. Our first date we ever went on, we want to a state park and explored there. And normally, the girls I dated before would just come over to my house and we would lay on the couch together and by the end of the first date we were already making out. But that wasn't the case with AAAA (not going to use her name). We didn't kiss until maybe the fifth time we hung out. It was only maybe 2 or 3 weeks before we started dating that we started talking. I quickly fell in love with her and she quickly fell in love with me. Over the summer, I went on a trip to Colorado with her and her mom and brother. That was really fun and that is when I realized that I started to love her. Soon after that, one thing led to another and I ended up taking her virginity. Before her, I only had sex with 2 girls and about a couple weeks after I didn't have the same feelings for them as I did before. But with AAAA, it was the opposite. It really meant something for her to give me that when she was saving it for someone who really loved her. And I guess that was me. A couple months pass, her and I and my mom and dad head up to Iowa to my sisters house and stuff like that. I met her family, like her grandparents and stuff like that. I loved them. Even though I was really shy and didn't talk much, they liked me. Anyways, she came up to my new house in st louis and that was at the beginning of this month and everything seemed fine. It was the first time my parents let her and I sleep together. So a couple weeks past. She starts getting really stressed out with school and her job and applying for colleges and her parents are going through a rough time. So she started to become depressed and upset. She wants to go to Baylor in Texas and that is about 11 hours away from where I live. She said that she wants to go there to start fresh. She said that she doesn't want any ties and that she wants to start a new life basically. And that would include me, I guess. But anyways, I noticed that we started to drift apart. Her texts went from "Good morning babe<3(:" to "Morning." I felt as if there was less love. So last week, I asked her about it. She noticed it too. So Thursday night we had this talk. I told her that some days it felt good and we were all happy and loving and then other days we barley talked. I told her that I didn't like that and that I didn't want to break up with her and I felt as if it was leading down that path. And like some days it felt as if I was just her friend and not her boyfriend. So on friday night, she wanted to call me so we could talk about things. She said she was trying to push me away so it would be easier for her to break up with me or in hopes I would break up with her, I guess. She said she was breaking up with me because something about how she has to do what is right for her and she is all stressed out about school and she felt as if her being depressed was bringing me down too and she didn't want to waste my time when I came down to Columbia to visit because she was always busy. She just wants to get her life straight and less stressful and she said until that time she doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone so she can figure everything out. So we broke up. We didn't really talk much. I begged her to change her mind and stuff like that and nothing worked. So I texted her last night and told her I was gonna be in Columbia if she wanted to work things out. She said that she feels that she owes me that and she misses me and didn't break up with me because of my fault's but rather to deal with her own and that us breaking up isn't necessarily a forever thing that she needs a bit of space. She also said that she needs to fix herself before anyone so that is what she is working on and in order for her to be happy in life she needs to learn how to be okay by herself. She also said that she does miss me and loves me but she just wants what is best for both of us ans shes sorry that she has created so much hurt because of this and thinks that we never really got that chance to be friends sense we started dating 2 weeks after we started talking and maybe it will help her get over whatever she is going through. So I wanted to come down this weekend in hopes that we will get back together but she said that she does not think that we will get back together this weekend but she said she will try and relieve some of the worries I have or at least clear things up and also she said not to get my hopes up that we will get back together because she said she needs to work on herself. But of course I want her back and I will try anything to get her back. I am just worried that she will like being friends more than being boyfriend and girlfriend. So while I was typing this, she texted me saying that she doesn't know if she should see me this weekend because she has a lot going on and she doesn't want me to be under the impression that we are getting back together. So I honestly have no idea what to do. I'm at the end of my rope and I really want her back. I miss her and I really do love her. I just hope that someone can help me with this. I have no idea what else to do. If we break up for good, I don't know if I will be able to find someone like her. Someone different or at least someone I love as much as I love her. I need help. I just want to be able to kiss her again. To hold her again. To say I love you and have her say it back.
Four months is a really short amount of time to have so much drama. In 4 months you two still don't know each other 100% and you're still "honeymooning" (meaning that it's the beginning of your relationship and you think everything is perfect and this girl is the one for you). There really isn't anything you can do if she doesn't want you back. I just don't think she's all that interested in you, and that isn't your fault, it's just that maybe she isn't as compatible with you as you thought. If she's having problems within her life that she needs to work on and she said she needs space, then give her that space. It sounds cheesy, but if you really love her, let her go if she wants to go. Let her know that you still love her and want to be with her if you haven't already, but let her make her own decision. You both are really young and have so much to experience in life. This isn't going to be the last girl who will make you feel something special, trust me.