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As men growing up, we've been told the story by friends, family, TV, movies and our religious institutions, that every relationship should be "happily ever after". But nothing is further from the truth, because it turns out that nothing lasts forever. Not even your life. And most men don't want to break the bad news when it comes time to end the relationship. Here's how you can do it.
This is an important step. And it's a simple one. It's when your needs are not being met. Whether they are physical, emotional or other. When your needs are not being fulfilled you become "unhappy". You don't just become unhappy in a vacuum.
Chances are, this is not going to happen. But its important to talk very very honestly and open with your girlfriend about what is missing. This is where most guys fail. They just don't have the balls to face their girlfriends and say "I'm not getting _______".
And while she is listening to what you need (and if you are both being honest and straightforward), you should ask her what she needs as well.
Communications is the foundation of a good relationship.
If your girlfriend is unable to sit and talk with you about what you need. Then the relationship is truly over and we can get to the real parts of this guide.
Let us try to get practical here. There needs to be good timing. For the purposes of this guide, we are assuming that she is NOT living with you.
The best time to dump her will be early in the week, since she is at work or school and will not have the time to mope around on the weekend and try to get you back. Monday or Tuesdays are best.
It will sink in over the week while she is busy doing her normal duties and will have a slightly lesser impact.
Meet at a place where you do not get a chance to sit down, or you can easily leave without having to pay a bill.
Do not have coffee, tea or any kind of drink, because this is a slow activity and you generally have to finish.
It generally should be in a public place. Normally for lunch, or when you know she has a limited amount of time to get back to something else.
It should NEVER be close to where you live. Make it closer to where her home is. When she gets the news she will need to quickly find a place to digest the news that is safe. More importantly, if you do make the mistake and dump her close to where you live, she will try to negotiate back in -- which can be uncomfortable if it is just outside your home.
If you are dumping her by text or email, it would be good when either of you are out of town.
If you are in the same area, dump her at least 24 hours before she would normally get a chance to see you again.
You want the dumping to sink-in for at least that amount of time so she does not get a chance to negotiate her way back in.
Reality has to set in - and only time or distance can do that.
Never blame her, or something she is not doing, as the reason why you're dumping her. This will only get her mad. Or she can try to negotiate her way back by promising to do better (she won't).
Instead, say something like:
"[Name], I'm at a point in my life now when I want to focus on my career/job/studies and I will not have the time to see you anymore. It's not about anything that you did, its just what I have to do with my life at this time"
Assuming you're in a neutral place as we discussed earlier, you should prepare to leave. Do not discuss this further. At this point you have to be really cold and distant. And be firm. She will try to pull you back, threaten, hold on to you and negotiate with you.
She'll ask you "what do you mean" or to "explain".
Simply repeat a variation of the above. But don't get into more detail than that. Then get up and leave.
You'd be saying the same thing.
"[Name], I'm at a point in my life now when I want to focus on my career/job/studies and I will not have the time to see you anymore. It's not about anything that you did, its just what I have to do with my life at this time".
At this point she will reply and get more of an explanation from you. Or try to negotiate. Simply repeat the same text again with variations -- but do not get into more detail.
At no point in time you should meet her again.
1. Do not meet for coffee
2. Do not go to her home
3. Do not go to her office
4. Do not meet her in the streets.
At no point in time you should communicate with her again.
1. Do not answer her phone calls
2. Do not reply to her texts
3. Do not read her texts (so she sees that you read them)
In fact, the best course of action is to first block her from texting or calling, then DELETE the chat history. Then DELETE her actual contact information.
I know deleting the chat history could be painful because of all the wonderful chats you've had and all the photos etc, but you need to make a clean break. And you need to enforce a clean break for her too.
By doing this you are also helping her.
Above all, do not fall into the trap of having sex with her again.
If you've read this far, you realize that you should end all contact. But I know, you remembered that delicious time with her and you want to relive it again. Don't.
Some girls will try to get revenge.
Some girls will try to get pregnant.
Either way, once you dumped her, the relationship is poisoned for the future so there is no point in trying to get back.
Everything I've said so far requires you to think with your head, not your heart.
From timing when you need to do the deed
To figuring when to do it
To deciding how to say it.
If you let "how you feel" decide any of the above actions, you will fail.
This is not something you can sugar coat or keep putting off. And your emotions will not let you if you don't get a handle on them. Sometimes people do not realize that men are almost as emotional as women too -- its just that we bottle it up inside.
The best way to recover from the breakup (that's right, it hurts the guys too) is to do things that you would have never been able to do when your girlfriend was around.
DO THE THINGS YOU LOVE THAT SHE HATED.
It's a very simple recipe. And it helps you understand and appreciate the freedom of being in control of your life and actions again.
Exercise is also a good way to get over her. It's scientifically proven that the chemicals released during exercise makes you feel better.
Going out and having sex with other girls is also hugely important too as this makes you realize that there is more than one fish in the sea.
Dedicate yourself to growing your career or studying hard. After all, that is the reason you stated for breaking up -- and its a very good thing to do, no matter what -- and an excellent and real excuse.
You may feel that you have invested a ton of time into the relationship and you even love her. But never forget, that there are more women than men in the world.
You will find someone else.
You will also never forget her. And this is ok. Because she was unique. But so is every girl.
I hope this guide was helpful for you. If you want to reach me personally, just click the "ASK" button below to ask me a question.
