I’m looking for some advice. We had these rules in place for our daughter till she graduated high school. Our son is 17 now and he’s faced with the same rules, however he’s challenging our curfew rules. I would like to hear other people’s opinions as to what they think about my curfew rules. Do you think they’re fair or too strict?
My son doesn’t play sports or participate in anything that takes up his free time outside of working 20-25 hours a week and school.
Sunday through Thursday, the curfew is as follows: He as 12 hours to distribute throughout the week however he wants. He can only be away from the house 6 hours at most, unless he has a special activity schedules which might exceeded 6 hours. Or he can go out break up his time more. We’re doing this because we want to make sure he has time during the school week to do homework, chores, and practice his guitar.
Friday and Saturday he gets another 12 hours to split up however he wants. The 6 hour rule still is in place. Again, if he has something planned, besides just hanging out; we might make an exception and allow him to stay out past 6 hours.
Now during the summer when he has no school, the only curfew from us is the 6 hour rule, but he can stay out up to 6 hours every day.
He dose also have to abide by the curfew laws of Dupage County.
Thanks, he has had some issues with coming home high and we have found pot (marijuana) in his room. He's hanging out with a 23 year old as well, who smokes pot and drinks. So he has easy access to both.
On a more positive side, he is maintaining a 4.5 GPA; he’s responsible for the most part, outside of me having to ask him to do his chores all the time.
I don’t want to be over strict with him, but I don’t want to be under disciplined to where he gets himself into too much trouble and to where he loses his respect for his mother and I.
Based on the advice I’ve been getting, I feel like I should lighten up a bit. I’m just afraid that he’s going to make some wrong choices. I’ve confronted him about the pot, and he has no remorse about using and pretty much believes it should be legal, and he doesn’t want to stop smoking it.
I guess I could just let go, and see what happens?
Wow, that sounds very complicated. I think a proper curfew depends on the type of kids he is. 17 is a tough age to be overly strict. If he has a history of getting into trouble, or hanging out with troubled kids, I would keep close reigns. Otherwise I would let him have a little more freedom than you allow. Again, it all depends on how much you trust him. My son just turned 18, and he never had an official curfew. But he always told us where he was going, and what he was doing. And he always called if there were any changes. Weeknights he was never out past 11:00 unless it was some special event. Weekends were not much different.
Don't use any strict curfew.
Make rules instead, like...
- tell us where you go and who you go with
- tell us how we can contact you in case something unusual happens
- no drinking, no drügs, no risky adventures
- don't leave home before the homework for tomorrow is done
- be home at least 10 hours before school starts. (so if school starts at 8 AM that would be 10 PM the day before. They should get 8 hrs sleep and have enough time to shower, eat breakfast and go to school)
- at the weekends, tell us when you plan to be home and be home at the time we agreed on.
I think your rules are awfully confining for a 17 year old. He gets only 12 hours out of a possible 120 (during the week), and then an additional 12 hours on weekends?
I don't even think it's healthy to keep a teen home that much ... getting outside and being active is the key to being healthy. Besides that, you're not allowing him to develop responsibility by letting him make some of his own decisions. Personally, I think you need to cut the tether already.
I'm 15 years old and have never had a curfew. I think it's just about not getting to crazy with it. I've never come home at like 5 am or anything. The lastest probably like 3, which is okay. If you know where he/she is & have no reason not to trust him/her it really shouldn't be a problem. Only when he starts trouble-making or being irresponsible should he have a curfew. If he comes home drunk, it's definitly time to set up some more rules.
You are right to be concerned about the pot. Although I agree with him it should be legal, he is to young to smoking it. While he may thin he is, he is not really fully developed as an adult yet. You have a tough balancing act. Trying to keep him safe and not alienating him. But he will be 18 soon, and then you will have little control over him. He sounds like a good kid though, so maybe he will outgrow this. Good luck.
don't you think your being alittle bit over bearing. i mean when i was 17 as long as i got home on week nights at 9 or 10 and went to school and told them who i was going to be with and weekend 11 to midnight they didn't care how many hours i was out as long as i made it home safe and an adult knew where we were going. and at that time i spent all my time with my bf.
I'm not sure, maybe for a week you could test out letting him go out til when he wants if he keeps in touch with you saying he is okay every now and again, so you know he's safe, and if it doesnt work then he has a reason to go back to your curfew, give him a chance to prove he can handle the freedom
thats an excellent idea. i would just say as long as you know where he is and it ok with you where he is going let him have some freedom. and of course have him to his school work still and guitar but i think at 17 he can handle it =)
my fam didn't give me curfews lol. curfews were given by govs during civil unrest and i think shouldn't be given my parents. my fam just told me to inform where i was and will be if I was gonna be late. gotta have a trust system.
I agree, there needs to be a trust system, for sure. My son has blemished my trust in him a bit, so he needs to rebuild our trust somewhat. Thanks for your input.
Thank you, I’m going to loosen the reins a bit and see how he handles it.
Thanks, I will use your advise, when I sit down with him.
Thank you, I might just do that!
Thank you for your advice.