sounds like great advice for an awkward situation... I hate people(men & women) that do that, ex's that take it out on the kids when they are actually the innocent ones in the whole process. If you have issues with the ex, deal directly with them, but to dare take it out on the kids, when they are the real ones paying for it all...having to feel like as if it was because of them their parents split up or worse...perhaps something they didnt do right which would cause the other to neglect them or not care for them...I know this because my good friends daughter went on telling me about how her dad wasnt really around to write, call or even see her since she left the home. For years she blamed him & now that he passed away 6 years ago, she still had that hate...I helped her by saying you are a strong young beautiful lady, you are15, he is gone, you must realize that he tried to be there for you in his own way. Hating him or his memory wont make things any better...letting him go & letting the pain go, will set you free so you can live a better & happier life! Her mother said nothing to me about it...that is fine as long as that girl knows that she can let it go & move on. My advice to you would be: writing a "nice" letter to him on what a coward he is, what a looser he is & how some day when he is old, gray & all alone, how his kids will remind him of the lame things he has done to them. If he wants to salvage any sort of relationship...that this would be the last time he ever got the chance! Sometimes people need to be reminded that there is always a second chance to make up for the wrongs they have done. Who knows, maybe he may wake up from his stupid comma long enough to realize what a huge mistake he has made & actually use this remaining time to at least try to reach out to ur kids. It could even be a healing process for all involved. I wish you all luck!
Well, for me, I'd never want to say anything that would make the child see their father in a negative light. I mean.. there can't be anything worse than hearing awful things about someone you want to love and look up to. So.. that's a definite no-no.
When it comes to questions about where the father is, I'd try to be honest, but very selective about what I'm saying. You could say that he's living somewhere else, explain whatever he does.. But you just need to remember that it's a child you're speaking to in all cases. They will be questioning stuff, they will want to know stuff, but there are some things they don't need to know until they're at an age where they can handle the tougher stuff.
I think you should wait until he or she is a little bit older. SO they could understand better. When I was little around 5-7 I would ask my dad hey daddy how come you and I have the same mother wouldn't that make us brother and sister. (I was raised by my grandmother till age 14 then I went with my dad) He would tell me, I'll explain it when your older. When I was 8 years old my uncle without my fathers permission told me my mother had died when I was 8months. I felt pretty stupid but I also didn't care much because I was just a kid. As I grew up then I started wishing she was here and missing her and it bother me a lot. SO tell your child when their older(:
I work with kids in foster care. This question comes up all the time. You tell them the truth. But you do it in an age appropriate manner. And you choose your words carefully. So if someone has dr.ug issues and the kid is 5, you explain about how the dad was having issues and he couldn't take care of them so they had to leave. You never blow them off, because kids have a tendency to blow things up in their minds, and they also tend to blame themselves. So you talk to them, explain why, and as they get older, they can deal with more of the truth.
My Ex Husband Never Calls.. Never Sends Cards . Gifts.. Never Emails Me. Or Asks How The Kids Are.. It's Been Seven Years. .He Hates Me For Moving To Florida After The Divorce.. And Because Of This.. He Never Acknowledges My Sons. He Was Always Like That. He Can't Control Me Anymore So He Takes It Out In The Kids. I Tell Them That Their Father Has Issues.. His Mind Is Not Quite Right. And We Should Pray For Him. And Even If He Ignores You I Care And Will Never Ignore You
Maybe the truth? If she said like "He will be back one day." yet there was no way in hell he's coming back that kid would be sitting in front of the window waiting for hi father to show up. Maybe the mother can just say I'll tell you when you are older and when the kid is old enough she will tell him the truth.
I do agree with Slash. Telling the truth will always be the best choice so that later on the kid would not blame the mother for telling lies. If the fact is really hard to face, the mother will have to wait until the kid is grown enough....
** oops forgot to say, that tell him/her the TRUTH when their old enough(:
Great answers. I get where your both coming from. Thank you. :)
** oops not a little bit older , old enough(: