Home More advice General Knowledge
The thing that separates a stalker from a silly moonstruck pest intent on following you around is that the stalker is firmly fixated on you, whether out of a perverted kind of love or out of hatred for you.
He may be a former intimate partner or he may be an erotomaniac, but either way, he believes that he is hopelessly in love with you (yes, he: there are four times as many male stalkers as females; 8% of all women will, at sometime in their lives, be stalked by a male, whereas only 2% of men will be stalked by a women). And, even worse, he believes that, if you are not already in love with him, it is inevitable that you will fall in love with him.
He is obsessive, he is rigid, and he obsesses on you. He could also be paranoid, prone to verbal and physical violence, and have a host of other mental and behavioral problems. He is a sociopath who will make your life a hell, or maybe even take it away from you. What do you have to do to deal with a stalker? First, be able to recognize one: identify stalker warning signs
1.Two common traits of stalkers are that they are intelligent and self-centered. 2.They are quite talented and dogged at tracking down the object of their warped affection, and they see nothing wrong in what they do. 3.No matter how strenuously you may reject a stalker, he will never surrender his notion that you will come to your senses, give in to his pursuit, and fall in love with him. 4.It is quite likely he has no friends; his only "relationship" is with you. 5.He is likely to have few, if any, social skills, tends to be a loner, and typically has low self-esteem (If you're one of these, then learn how to build self-esteem); should you make the mistake of showing him some affection, rather than his accepting it, it is equally possible he will consider it a sham and accuse you of mocking him.
6.He can become angry and abusive in a flash. 7.Stalkers come in three flavors. There is the delusional type, also known as the erotomaniac, with whom you have never had a relationship and never will; the hangdog with whom you have broken up but who refuses to believe the affair is over, and the stalker intent on vengeance for the pain he believes you have caused him. Both the delusional stalker and the hangdog stalker have the potential to become vengeful stalkers. There is a new computer-age variation on the vengeful stalker – the cyber-stalker. He operates much like the identity thief, messing on-line with your credit accounts, your financial records, changing your name in computer databases, and so on. But, unlike the identity thief, his intention is not to steal money from you (though he may) but to make your life more painful. (Other vengeful stalkers might include people like disgruntled customers, road ragers, and others, such as the ex-employee who returns to a company from which he's been fired armed to the teeth and "goes postal" on his former bosses and co-workers. But most victims are stalked by people who think they're "in love" with them and possibly angry that they are rejecting them.) Second, take action. Don't be passive, and for heaven's sake, don't encourage the fool. If you are breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend, make it quick and final (For tips on breaking up, read how to break up with someone and 50 Mostly Immature and Hurtful Ways to Leave Your Lover). Don't drag things out. Make your last conversation absolutely your last conversation – do not talk to that person again. Third, never assume that because a stalker has never been violent in the past he cannot be violent in the future. Protect yourself against potential attack. How? Here are a few of the many things you can and should do:
1.Avoid leaving yourself open to attack. More and more, Web bloggers are inviting attacks by simply making their opinions known far and wide. People advertising themselves on dating personals web sites also run a risk. If you can't take precautions and you can't defend yourself from potential stalkers, you should go to great lengths to maintain anonymity. 2.Move away and keep your address a secret; get a postal box; un-list your phone number. 3.Get a dog. Train it to protect you on command and to be alert for intruders. 4.Learn self-defense. Carry Mace or pepper spray. Whether you choose to carry a gun is up to you and the laws of your community; however, carrying a firearm when you are untrained in its use or you are not prepared to actually kill your stalker leaves you open to having your own weapon turned on you. (read 7 Simple Self-Defense Tricks)
5.Carry a cell phone with you at all times. 6.Never respond to a stalker's attentions, not even to shout at him; your attention, even negative attention, is all positive to him. 7.At work, have fellow employees screen your calls and visitors. 8.Think twice about obtaining a restraining order. Too often, it does little to protect you and only serves to infuriate the stalker. 9.Know the locations of police stations and 24-hour convenience stores.
10.If you suspect you're being followed in your car, make four right or four left turns. If the car is still following you, head for the police station. 11.Join a psychological support group. 12.Install a security system and motion-sensitive outdoor lighting. None of these things that fend off a stalker actually gets rid of him. That's virtually impossible.
Be aware that a stalker, even when not being a physical threat, can do a great deal of psychological damage. The majority of 100 stalking victims followed in a recent study published in the American Journal of Psychiatry had to make significant changes in their work habits or abandon their work altogether; they became far less socially active, and hunkered down in their homes. Anxiety (For more information regarding anxiety, read The guide to generalized anxiety disorder), sleep problems, post traumatic stress disorder (For more tidbits regarding post traumatic stress disorder, see The guide to post traumatic stress disorder), and newly-developed substance abuse became common. No, you generally can't get rid of a stalker. But you can, and should, as much as possible, take control of the situation. Defend yourself, do some research, connect with other victims, and do what you can to maintain your sanity. If you enjoyed reading this article, you'll be interested to read how to prevent identity theft.
Walk around with a 13 inch knife on your belt. Even if you have no intention of using it no one will bother you when they see it. I have a few if you want one... Nah, I'm way too protective of them.
That's seriously what I'd do...
Another way is just to avoid them. If they become hostile then go back to suggestion number one and they will leave you alone right quick.
If they are a real, legitimate, hardcore stalker then tell the police that you are being stalked and request some protection.
But most importantly: Know your enemy.
Depends on what they are doing and where its taking place. If they are literally stalking you and coming on your proprty than you could call the cops and get a temporary restraining order and get them in trouble for trespassing. If its a kid in school and things are going to far or hes making you feel uuncomfortable than talking to the principle or a school counseler that can handle the situation would work.
Kick his ass or ask your bf 2, or get a restraining order or do what paul says (that's the longest advice I've ever read- actually I didn't read all of it but I'm sure he's on 2 something)
