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let the rain fall down on this empty dream we can never make it a reality its all a hopless disaster make this go faster im loseing my mind so let the rain fall down and the shadows escape we can make it all happen

So let the rain pour down and break me free of my misery I dont really care if the whole world goes to hell tonight all it does is make life a little bit harder makes me suffer longer so make it all end tonight

Its not gonna be long till you see the pain you caused and rethink your thoughts and regret your actions and think about the lies you told I cant believe this is happening I never wanted it to be this way I need some one to guide me through so I can see another day

so let the rain pour down and break me free of my misery I dont really care if the whole world goes to hell tonight all it does is make life a little bit harder makes me suffer longer so make it all end tonight

its not all done but I need to see if its good so far!:]

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Answer #1

Great imagery. You can just feel the emotion you put into it. I would have to say, you are definitly a good writer. There are some lines in here I must say I love; ex. Let the rain fall down on this empty dream Great for an opening line. I would caution you to make sure to put capitals where necessary. Keep up the good work.

Answer #2

I LOVE IT! it is seriously amazing. one of the best things I’ve read on here. you can really feel the emotion in it. Great job mate!

Answer #3

I dont get your message?? u…u put in these…these nice,truthful lines,but somehow they clash with a capital “c”. you need to make your message,or theme more…clear.

Answer #4

Eh, I don’t really like it. Honestly.

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