picking parents over true love HELP

I agree with you completely its just hard for me to get through to my boyfriend bc he loves his mom and sees her hurt and I understand we’ve gone over most everything thats been suggested his mom needs help and looks to him for it and hes kind of trapped really im so lost should I stand up to them or suck up to them

I’d imagine it is difficult on both of you and your relationship, but every relationship goes through really tough times, and it’s to test your relationship to see what lengths your willing to go to with each other. He can help her still, she needs professional help, he should fine some numbers to call, websites to visit, etc. so she can talk to people who have been through the same thing that she’s going through. I can help you find some websites and numbers if you want me to.

You don’t need to suck up to anyone, just give them time alone and she’ll thank you for it. She just wants some quality time with her son, time where she’s the only woman he’s focused on for a little while (like a few hours or something).

Follow your heart - I mean he’s old enough to make this choice in his own, he’s an adult now. This is up to him to decide. Generally I say I’d never pick a guy over my family but this situation is so different because his parents have an issue which is addiction. His parents need him, and I think that even if he stays with you they’re going to accept that eventually. I don’t think they understand what they’re causing, but the sounds of it they’re barley ever sober which makes this difficult I’d imagine. I think he needs to get away and make a better life for himself, he cant stay caught up in their addiction forever. He needs to tell them that he does love them but he’s an adult and it’s time he makes decisions on his own, and if they love him they’ll accept that.

As for you - just be patient with him, help him through this (I’m sure you already are) and just don’t give up, especially if you feel what you have is really something special.

ya were trying thank you all the advise I get is helping

I agree with you completely its just hard for me to get through to my boyfriend bc he loves his mom and sees her hurt and I understand we’ve gone over most everything thats been suggested his mom needs help and looks to him for it and hes kind of trapped really im so lost should I stand up to them or suck up to them

yes thats what I told him but the issue is his mom hes her oldest s on the rest are step children except the 10 year old and shes very depressed in this family of hers and feels that he needs to take care of her because of the way his step dad treats her

If you love your b/f… you have to accept the package.. Tell him that his parents ARE important and you wish to also support them, BUT you cant watch him throw away his life trying to nurse his mom. Family love is good.. but sometimes you need tough love. I know, I know… it sounds harsh, but if he really wants her/them to get better, than he can set them up with a professional.. that’s what they need. It’s not a bad thing… it means they are taking POWER and CONTROL over their lives. He can support and love her/them, but when you get too involved, you can get pissed..

well if you know someone whos an addict image a whole family of 5 that are and try and try to get them professional help I already gave that idea its like you cant save one without the others because they just feed negitive things to them and he wants to get out its just he is young and a lot to handle and they saved him from his father and he feels he owes them for that even though he really runs the house hold and the job all alone and gets nothing in return I know it will work out and I know he wants to be with me forever its just hes parents F=ING parents that dont want to loose their slave thanks for all the advise it just proves my point.

yes thats what I told him but the issue is his mom hes her oldest s on the rest are step children except the 10 year old and shes very depressed in this family of hers and feels that he needs to take care of her because of the way his step dad treats her

He can still help her, but she needs to learn to accept you. She obviously feels he’s quite mature if she’s saying something like that, then shouldn’t she realize he wouldn’t be with you if he didn’t think it was right? Also if his step-dad treats her wrong then maybe she needs to get out of there too before something really bad ends up happening.

I know you want to be nice to the parents-in-laws to be, but if they have a problem with you being CLEAN and they are making their son either drown with them or be with you, then you have to be strait with them. Tell them tat you are in love with their son as he is in love with you and that that in it’s self does NOT need justification, You know and understand that they have their choices made to get high but you aren’t joining them and it is rude and out of line as ADULTS to be asking two newly adults to be joining them. My friend has a family history of adults using drugs..she says that “you can’t control parents… you need to talk to your b/f and tell him to find a way to make it work. It’s his family. If it’s love, you’ll find a way. You have to find a way around them, you can’t control them”

Not a problem - I wish you both the best of luck :)