What should I do if I've had an anorexia relapse?

honey you have to understand that you have an illness. if you relapsed, no matter how much you don’t want to go back, you need to…your life depends on it. this illness is a LOT more serious than I think you realize. please understand that your family is trying to help you. please let them by telling them the truth.

Im 20 years old and suffered from anorexia from the age of 17 to 19. It all started with just wanting to loose a couple pounds for summer. I was 5’2, 78 lbs at my weakest point. After finally realizing I had a probem my family checked me into a rehab program. I went to councilling for 9 months once a week. At the beginning of my group there were 21 of us, by the nineth month there were only three of us to complete the program. I was doing well, relationships…career…my mood and outlook on ife became a lot more positive. About three months after the program my thoughts came back. I was ashamed of myself, I felt like I had let everyone including myself down. I started abusing laxatives really bad so I could get rid of anything in my system. Then I started chewing my food and spitting it out so I wasnt deprived of anything, but didnt have to worry about gaining the weight of eating the food. Im embarrassed and dont know what to do about my probems. Its a true fact that anorexia stays with you, the thoughts are stil in my head. Its a constant battle of the good side vs. the bad side. I fear my mind will overpower me and I wont be strong enough to fight my relapse. I know I need to seek help and tel someone but the only one I feel confortable telling is my mother, and her father (my grandpa) is really sick and probably only has a couple weeks left of life. Im afraid to pull this on her at this time. I feel selfish, bc I know I have a good life, good friends and an amazing family. They have already been through this once with me and dont deserve to be put through this again. Summer time is just around the corner and already I find myslelf so concerned with wanting to loose a couple pounds. I know what im doing to myself isnt worth it, so why cant I stop? I was afraid to write my issues on a link I found on google, but im to ashamed to identify myself and ask for help any other way. Im asking anyone that may see this to give me some advice or help me find a way I can hep myself. im hoping I wont get any negative responses or hate replys from people telling me how pathetic I sound, bc then chances of me getting help or talking to someone else about my problem is very slim.

Hope this helps:

Safer ways to cope:

http://depression.about.com/cs/selfinjury/a/selfinjury.htm?nl=1

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/eating_disorder_self_help.htm

If you need someone to just listen, just talk to, or pray with you:

24 hrs: 1-800-488-4673

Ask-A-Nurse: 1-800-892-8260

Eating Disorder: 1-800-382-2832 (24 hrs) or 847-831-3438

I wish you the best !!