Am I being too strict?

I think high schools should institute a policy of putting birth control in the drinking water.

Be surprisingly upfront and honest. It will throw her off guard.

Just be a good ear and a good shoulder. You have already raised her. You have already instilled values. She heard. She knows. She’s rebeling. Be a soft place to land when she makes mistakes. Be a good ear and a comfy shoulder. If she is sixteen, you can’t do much. Good job getting her on the pill so quickly. I would put a GIANT jar of condoms somewhere where she has to look at them every day and let them know that you don’t like her decision to be sexually active, but you will respect her right to do what she wants with her body. And that the whole jar is for her and it’s not going anywhere.

Oh, and on another note, find the most explicit disgusting photos of sexually transmitted diseases online and show her. I’m sure she knows she can get pregnant, but I bet she doesn’t know what herpes will make look and feel like. Knowledge is a great weapon.

Ok…mom…instead of going into a panic mode, like a high wire walker (which I surely DO understand)…it’s time for calm rational thinking. You’ve just bumped into something you really didn’t want to know…but once “bumped’ there’s no way to “un-know”…so…where to go from here?

Let’s sit down and really think…”who is this girl I call my daughter?” You know her better than anybody else, I’d stake my life on that. She may seem like a stranger right now, teenagers are like that…but you’ve been caring for her for 15 years…you know what she’s been taught by you, you know her shortcomings and her strengths (maybe even better than she)…It’s ok to write these thoughts down…and share with her. You know you can’t “prohibit” her from having sex, as you can’t have her on a leash until she’s 18…but you can discourage it with the facts about what teen prenancy entails…that STD’s are forever, and condoms may protect on some things, but not EVERYTHING…Maybe a little mother/daughter trip out of town…stay in a motel, shop…have a “girlie” time together, to open up the lines of communication…

I truly feel for you…but I also remember when I was teen…and that, hon, was a VERY LONG TIME AGO…there were probably no more virgins around at that age then, than now…we all made it thru. You did, also…Good luck, and God bless.

phrannie

hey, im 17 and if my mom found condoms in my jacket pocket and yelled at me, I would feel comfortable at all going back to talk to her about anything of the sexual sort, so if I was a mother and in your situation I would sit my daughter down and talk to her about sex and ALL of its concequences, she is obviously too young, but the Pill is the best thing for her if she is having sex too many teens are getting pregnant these days, as for the condoms I know it doesnt look right or feel right, but at least you know she is being safe about it, not to say that her having sex is okay on any level, but atleast the condom will help prevent any possible diseases and she has the 2x prevention of pregnancy.

hope this helps, take care!

well as far as your daughter going out and not telling you were and stuff is your fault as the parent. By not knowing were she is going, who she is whith and what kind of supervision she is under your not only setting up the stage for your daughter to have sex but get rapped, get high, be jumped and several other things. Your daughter is right if she can go out when ever she wants then basically you have no say so in who she has sex with or how man people.

It may be true that “someday” she will realize that, but that when a child realizes that what you tell them something, it doesn’t mean that they have to do it, as you can’t “make” them just by telling them. I can’t say if you are being too strict or not, as my daughter is only 3, but I do know that you getting angry is not going to make her want to be honest with you about the things she does. You can’t keep her trusting you by blowing up at something she might think is not really important or just not AS important as you. The best thing that you can do is to talk to her about this subject in an open manner, explaining in the best way you know how why you were angry about the condoms, but try not to be confrontational. Chances are that if she IS having sex, as much as it pains you to think about your baby doing that, she will keep doing it, with or without your permission. Also, ASK her to tell you where she is going to go, get her a cell phone to keep in touch with her, and explain your reasons for wanting to know. Even if it may seem obvious to you your reasons, she isn’t a mind reader, but even if she does know, she will, on some level appreciate why.

:L! I don’t hink your bein to hard cause im 13 ! and I had a child and I regret everything I dne ! I was stupid enough to do it ! buh the boy spiked my drink and I dint no what was happenin ?! trust me talk to her before she does somefin stupid like me!!!

I agree 14 15 is to young, think putting her on birth contol was a good idea because after all she seems to be at the point where she will most likely remain sexually active. so taking a precaution to ensure she will be protected despite your objections. The fact that she had condoms is a good indication that although she may be to young for sexual activity at least she has the forsight to protect herself and her partner. It may be a good idea to sit her down and explain to her yor moral issues regarding sex. my daughter had sex at 16 it was her first serious relationhip in wchich they both went to planned parent before they went ahead and engaged in there sexual contact. yes I was upset that she had not waited but I realised she took responsibilty bore doing so despite my upset I respected her for being responsible.unfortunately her first partner andher did not work out she was devasted I explain that once you give your virginity to someone as a femal we tend to feel a deeper connection to are partners after being intimate, and sometimes boys , men often do not feel the same emoional tie as a girl may. also, keep in mind that if her peers are engaging in the same activities she may feel that its ok when her friends are just as active as herself. I think a long talk with he may help somewhat but I would not recommend being judgemental , angry accusing or showing extreme disappointment. state your feelings and your deep concern encourage her to come toyou about anything pertainingto sex, give her understanding and let herknow your there for her. if confusion or concern comes up. I of course was alarmed with my own daughter but realised she was ayoung women and it was bound to happen, now she talks openly with me about her sexuality and what it means to her, it felt really good when she told e about her first experience this meant she trusted she openly asks me about sex whith questions. yes it still bothers me! but at least we are open abot the matter.

I think you are being 2 strict and just think if you dont let her do it shes going to do it anyways I mean would you know she safe while doing it just like with my mom she knew I was going to do it regaurdless but felt safer with me doing it and her know so lossen up

yes your being too strict. let her explore…u took her to the doctor…u showed her all of the protection possibilities…your job is done. shes had sex more than once and shes going to do it again. the more you restrict her…the farther shes going to go to get what she wants

it’s amazing how many people are saying don’t give her contraception! she will go behind your back and have sex anyway…she already has…so tell her how you feel, but learn to live with it. at least condoms show she’s taking care to protect herself.

I think birth control is better than an unplanned pregnancy. I also think you should have house rules and enforce them, but realistically, you can’t follow her everywhere or keep her locked in her room 24/7 and even if you could, is it a battle worth fighting? I don’t think so.

I WOULD HAVE HER PUT ON THE PILL KNOW MATTER WHAT YOU SAY SHE IS STILL GOING TO SNEAK AND HAVE SEX WITH YOU KNOWING OR WITH YOU KNOWING I KNOW IF YOU PUT HER ON THE PILL YOUR THINKING THAT YOUR GIVING HER THE RIGHT TO HAVE SEX… BUT LISTEN HONEY YOU DONT WANT YOU BABY TO HAVE A BABY DO YOU I WOULDNT WANT THAT FOR YOU… YOU KNOW NOW DAYS a lot OF PARENTS DONT CARE ABOUT THERE KIDS THEY TAKE THEM TO THE MALL AT A EARLY AGE AND TURN THEM A LOOSE AND DONT CARE… BUT I KNOW THAT YOU CARE AND I KNOW THAT YOU WANT THE RIGHT THING FOR YOUR CHILD BUT THE PILL WOULD BE GOOD AND I TRIP SOME WHERE JUST YOU AND HER WOULD BE GREAT I KNOW THAT TEENAGES AT LIKE THEY DONT CARE WHAT YOU SAY BUT THEY DO LISTEN MOST OF THE WETHER THEY WILL TAKE HED BUT THEY WILL THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU SAY TO THEM HONEY IF YOU EVER NEED SOMEONE TO TALK WITH YOU CAN EMAIL ME ANYTIME…

id say your not being to strict at all especailly if she had sex at 14 or 15 or any age by 20 go over the rules of protections and talk to her about the dfiseases that you can get maybe she won’t do it again but thats my opinion you should do watever you think is right with your daughter

No you’re not being too strict. 15 and especially 14 are ridiculous ages to have sex. Being an 18 year old male, and having no experience with having my own kids, I’m not in much of a position to advise you on what to do. However, I will state that if I were a father, and in your place, I’d probably lay the smack down on her two boyfriends. What dicks.

I don’t know honestly I mean she juss wants 2 have funn like everyone else…jus make sure she is using the right protection and tlk 2 her about stds

I sounds like you not being too strict at all. She’s too young and irresponsible. Someday she’ll realize you were hard on her because you love her and don’t want to see her hurt.

your not being strict…its only natural to be protective over your children. But…the more you go against what she wants to do the more likely she is to go out and do it more. Its hard to accept and its probably really frustrating but all you can do is advise her. I think that the fact that she had condoms shows that she is thinking about protection (if that is what she was using them for) and you should be happy about that. Sit her down and really speak bout it with her. tell her your worries and tell her you only want whats best for her and for her to be safe.

Find a movie that will really change her mind about it… There is a movie called GIRLpositive on lifetime, and it is about a girl who contracted AIDS because she wanted to be like everyone else, and continue having sex, make sure she knows all the dangers, and everything else, dont be too angry when talking to her, but be firm, and make sure you know how to go about the situation.. :]

I dont’ think you’re being too strict at all she’s young! I’m 16, and amazed that so many of my friends are having sex and getting pregnant. I don’t know what to do about that matter… but, unlike most of these answers, I agree about putting her on birth control. no matter what you say, she’ll probably make her own decisions anyway. so birth control helps you feel better that she won’t announce someday soon that she’s pregnant…also way too young for that.

I hate the idea that you put her on birth controll, because it does enable her to continue to have sex. Your not being too strict. This is your 15 year old daughter you are dealing with.

Just remember that you are the parent. YOU make the rules. Not her. She cant tell you what she is going to and not going to do.. and you can take away any privileges from her at any time. Your doing what you need to do to protect her.

ok mom…im 17 and I was 13 too when I lost my virginity…I wish I waited…but its too late to go back…just talk to her…about serious issues, (stds) all that…she may act like she doesn’t listen but she will hear you…just sit her down and tell her to tell you about these things and why she wants to do them…most teens right now are just to eager to do this…I’m a teen…and very mature for my age…but I know that if you talk to her she will hear you and at least consider what you say…how old is she now???

frist of all she should not be able to go anywhere by telling you she sould be asking you sad to say she is walking over you and your husband its sad that you are scared to punish her with somthing so serious you seem woried about her being mad at you your daughter not your friend she doesnt have to like you as long as you are keeping her safe she can be mad all she wants this sounds like a problem a single mother should have your husband role in this could play a big part in this sulution only he seems not to be playing his part both of you scared of your child? hope the best for your family!

Many parents go through what you just did finding out that their teen is having sex. I think that you should be happy that she at least thought to use condoms. She’s already had sex… and most likely she isnt going to stop now. Get her on the Pill and allow condoms. If you get angry or lash out she will most likely do it more because it will be her way of rebelling against you. At this point discourage it and don’t allow it at your house, or she will believe it is perectly okay. Don’t condone sex, but buy her the protection she needs because if you don’t she may not be able to get them when she needs them and this will increase her chances of STDs and pregnancy. just keep condoms in stock and make sure she keeps up with her birth control as that is probably the best thing to do now.

unfortunately I dont think there is any middle ground here. im nearly 16 and I lost my virginity last year and I wish I hadnt because the guy I was with turned out to b a total jerk. I think that putting her on birth control was a bad idea, now she thinks she can go and have sex when she wants and wont get pregnant and wont be using a condom as uve taken them off her. I think your best bet is to sit down with her and dont get angry at any point.(this is essential because if you do she wont listen to you). talk to her about STI’s and the concequences. then I would stop her birth control and make her realise that she is in control of herself.

at this point she’ll probally realise what shes done is stupid and wont risk doing it agen incase she gets pregnant or an STI.explain what will happen to her if either of those happen.

I understand why you would be angry, if it happened to one of my kids I’d b furious but you need to show them that what they do is up to them but they are the ones that are going to have to deal with the concequences.

I hope it works

good luck x

awww I feel your frustration right now. But unfortunately I’m only 14, and know nothing about being a parent obviously. lol I hope the answers above helped though. Good Luck!^^