Am I bad looking?

You have all the right ingredients of physical attractiveness. You have that lovely natural appeal as characterized by the kind of actresses you often see in t.v series such as ‘Friends’. What you DON’T have is confidence.

I don’t know how old you are (14-ish?) but I remember that right up til I was about 17 I always seemed to end up with ‘best’ friends who were brimming with self confidence and were convinced that every boy fancied them, or was ‘looking’ at them. Such vanity was ironic considering we were hanging out at a Christian youth club -and that one of these girl’s was the vicars daughter!!!

I began to believe their self-hype and became very reserved in their company and convinced I couldn’t compete. These ‘friends’ were very skilled manipulators and if a boy ever did chat me up would waste no time telling me afterwards how ugly or undesirable he was as opposed to ‘their ‘suitor who was always ‘hunky’ of course.

It took me years to realize that in their way these girls were probably even more insecure than I was. When chatting later to the male friends who had been in that club at the same time to my amazement they informed me that I had been the most fancied girl there. You could have knocked me over! I’d felt so inadequate for so long, but as my confidence slowly grew I started to be offered photographic modelling and promotional work and even won our local ‘beauty’ competition which I entered really just for a night out and because I thought it might be fun.

So relax, you’re worrying unnecessarily. Do make sure you mix with positive and supportive friends though. Experiment with a little subtle make up. A lick of mascara and a pretty coloured lip gloss should be enough at your age and will work wonders for your confidence.

Practice a little harmless flirtation. If you like a guy but feel too shy to look him in the eyes when you talk to him a good trick is to focus on the bridge of his nose instead. He won’t know the difference. Use his name a couple of times in your conversation or touch his hand or shoulder fleetingly to make a point. If you can’t think of any conversation ask him questions about himself. He’ll be flattered that your interested, but be GENUINELY interested . People -girls too-will find your warmth very appealing and pretty soon you should see a reaction which will leave you in no doubt of your attractiveness to others.

Think carefully about those words you have used in your question though and take heed. Being too ‘self-conscious’ is EXACTLY that, i.e. being too pre-occupied with yourself to be interested in other people -or in other words, selfish. If you view it that way it will perhaps help you get over this phase in a constructive way.