Teenagers will drive you crazy. While I do want to work with them, having one at home is not a thought I relish. You remind me of a child psychologist who teaches a course at my school. This is someone who is absolutely amazing with people (90% of my class was drooling all over him), he is great with kids, but even he has issues with his own teen daughter. It's just part of life. Even the professionals dont have a guide when it comes to their own kids. So dont expect any magical answers. If your kid comes through healthy, basically well-adjusted, and with a future to look forward to, you've done your best. You'll mend your relationship in time. In the meanwhile, just hang on. It wont last forever. I cant tell you what to do from personal experience. My relationship with my mother was hell for years. But this is something I've heard from others, and I used to do with my dad. It wont fix everything. But it may help. See if you cant do a just you thing. Like a ritual or an activity that is just between you and her. I used to go for drives with my dad. We would just listen to music (yes, he dealt with listening to the backstreet boys on repeated loop). I could talk if I needed to. Sometimes writing letters. You dont have to talk to her about it. You can just leave her letters. Whatever works for you. I know it isnt easy. But maybe if you can find something that makes it a little more bearable. You're definitely not alone. You need to go to PTA meetings and meet some mothers. Get together and allow yourself complaint time about your kids :P
Alright, first of all, realize that she's not going to get it. Children forget that their parents are human beings. They have feelings, wants and desires. So, tell her. 'When you say or do xyz, you are hurting my feelings'. Of course, she is a teenager. So you are also potentially handing her weaponry in which she can hurt you. And she probably will. You're going to have to grow a thicker skin. Teens are a pain in the butt. And you are going to have to learn to deal with that. But communication is always helpful. Discipline, also helpful. And this is something that drives me crazy. Just because you bend over backwards for someone, does not mean they will do it for you. That's your issue and you need to get over it. Especially when it comes to your child. It isnt a tit for tat thing. You are always going to give more than you get. That's the deal you signed up for when you had kids. So deal with it. However, it does not mean you have to accept any sort of treatment from your kid. You deserve basic respect. If you dont get it, punish her. Your kid is going to hate you at some point. That is part of being a teenager. You just have to deal with it. And remember, it will end. She's going to leave at some point. You just have to hang in there till she does.
thanks TY for the reality check but in turn what I say here I do not do at home. I may bend over backwards for her but I do not expect anything in return nor do I take her bull. I have rules and consequences and yes she acts as if she hates me. I was just wondering from other teens and parents if they can relate and maybe have found a way to deal. It tears me appart no matter what kind of tough front I put up. I do tell her how I feel about things plain & clear. She is just something else and at times unbelievable. I do not put my issues on her but yet no matter how thick my skin gets I am a human too and sometime its takes everything in me not to go the hell off on her. But hearing from everyone lets me know I am not crazy for feeling the way I do.
I agree completely with Renee. I have been blessed, I have an excellent relationship with my 17yo daughter, we often joke that we were twins seperated at birth. I have always been open with her. I have always explained why I'm punishing her, why I do the things I do, and what my feeling are on topics. I feel very lucky that she still values my opinion and I try to take time out of what I'm doing to give her my full attention. I try to be a good example to her. Teen-agers aren't exactly the most selfless of beings. You can't expect more out of them than they are able to give at this stage in their maturity. However, that doesn't mean you can't nurture good habits for the future.
honestly when i was 13 i hated my mum she though she knew everything now that shes use to haveing a daughter more we relate better somtimes we have movie nights with her bestfriend and mine she teaches me about makup and now ima lot closer then i ever though we could be when i cry she dosent just hold me she shows me shes been threw the same thing with a funny story sorta like what made me cry so we can laugh and cry together i dont respect my mum as a adult i respct her with the love and care she has to me and if u ask me thats the best respect u can have from a kid
yes, she can be very hurtful at times. I get on her alot about her grades and attitude and she doen't like it. I explain that we all have to deal with things we do not like. I listen to her problems and whats going on in her life but I am a parent and children do not need to knoe nor care what adults go through everyday. I am trying to get her to understand that she isn't the only person in the world that has feelings, needs and wants. I bend over backwards for my girl.
i feel you on the view of her nt needing to know every thing, but she is getting to the age where she mabe NEEDS to see there are others out there worse off... maybe volunteer at a soup kitchen or such... i really hope she can come to the realization soon, or there may be some problems in high school... good luck!!! i'm sorry i cant help more.. little young to have had a kid an alittle old to remember what worked for me...
The best thing that you can do right now is to sopport her and to not be affraid to have some strict dicipline for her, because she is growing up and you know, and finding out who she is, she's becoming someone who will soon have a voice. But again you do need to keep her on track so she dosen't go the wrong way either you know.
Is kainda of a delicate balence.
Stresfull but possible.
At 12 years old, she is just starting to find her 'voice'. She may be bossy, hurtful, and selfish and it's totally understandable that this would hurt you. You need to be assertive with her and let her know that you are her mother and these are your rules. If you don't do the tough love thing now, she will only get worse.
I know it was long ago you posted this and im hoping you have had better times since then. Dr. Phil says teach them all they need to know then let them go. he says, Thats all you can do. I always tell myself, your only job in life with being a parent is to love protect and guide your kids the best you can and thats it.
do you ever let her see you cry???
if you dont show any human emotion (big ones other than anger), how is she to know youre not just some parentbot that was told to raise her?