Why is my mom so mean to me?

Okay, this is a long one, but PLEASE PLEASE read it
I just don't get it, my mom treats me like a pile of sh*t. She expects way to much of me and I noticed that she likes to blame all of her problems on either me or someone other than her. For example, she said that she can't keep the house clean because of me and I'm half of her problems. I don't understanf why a 38 year old woman feels the need to blame all of her problems on a 15 year old, why can't she own up and take responsibilty. Even I'm more mature than that, because I'm not afraid to admit that most of my problems are my own fault. She only blames me cause she has nobody else to, me and my lil brother have different fathers and neither of them do sh*t for my family. I've never even met my father! I mean, my mom is 38 and he's 5 something, he has like 7 kids, doesn't even got a full time job and was on drugs when my mom had me. My little brother is treated sooo much better than me. For example, he failed grade 3 and is now doing it over. We gor our report cards back the other day, and he did alright, but I got all in the 90's!!! My mom was talking to my gramma about how good my brother did and when my gramma asked how I did, all my mom said was, ' Oh, she did good.' and left it at that. I tried so hard to get good grades to make her happy, but I guess I'm a fool for that. She never says anything nice to me and tries to tell me I start all of our fights, when 75 % of the time she does. She's always going on about how great and smart and good looking my lil brother is right in front of me and it makes me feel terrible. I have enough self-esteem problems, I wish my mom would at least try to help, but she doesn't seem to care!!! I feel invisible at home and in school and I'm really a very interesting person, but nobosy will take the time to get to know me, not even my own MOTHER!!! I also don't like how she keeps telling me I'm just like my father, when I know for a fact I'm not, I would never have 7 kids and leave them, you'd have to be pretty low. I've said some nasty things to my mom, but come on!!! She also keeps calling my father ( who I've never met) my ' Old Man' and telling me to go live with him. She also tries to make me jealous by taliing about men that like her and trying on clothes in front of me and making model faces.
Anyway, that way really long, but I really need help and I appreciate it so much!!! Please, help, why is my mom like this and what should I do to stop it? Thank you so much!!!

You seem great to me. I love how well you articulate for someone so young. You do really good at writing. You should be proud. So many have difficulties even composing a couple sentences!

I had a tuff mom to please at home myself when growing up, so I know where you are coming from. I think she is expecting you to be how you look to her. You appear all grown up to her and she expects you to act like it. She wants you to take on the responsibilities around the house like you are an adult. The way she acts makes me think this. When I was your age, my mom made me do all the housework so she wouldn't have anything to do at home. Work was enough to wear her out!

Your mom is giving your little brother the attention and praises because she feels he needs them more. He is not as grown and not doing as well as you so she is doting on him more.

She complains about the house because she wants you to help more. It is not easy being the dad and mom of a family. Most parents don't have classes that teach them how to be good parents. Not all do what they are supposed to do or do as well raising children as others do. Perhaps it would be good if you could talk with her and try to express your feelings without sounding like everything is her fault.

Just try to work things out between you. Once you try on each others shoes, you'll be able to understand each others viewpoints better.

God's Blessings while you work this out!

Dear brighteyez,
Well it sounds like it's your mother with the self-esteem problems. We can pick our friends but we can't pick our families so we have to learn live with them. We may never understand them but we must learn to change things for ourselves. Go to a teacher and ask her if she knows of a good counsellor. Usually the school has one that you can see right away. Your mother sounds as if she is having a hard time dealing with her life but that doesn't mean you have to feel that way. There are many ways to make life livable at home but attitude is far most the best way to make things easier. Don't yell back, when asked to do your chores do them without attitude, tell mom she is beautiful when in the modeling mode and how lucky she is (smile) as you say this. Misery loves company so if you try to be upbeat and positive even if you don't really feel like it sometimes it rubs off and others start to treat you differently.
Sue...good luck

But I am nice to her, and I always tell her how lucky she is to be so pretty, it never works

Hun you are only 15, what kind of problems could you possibly have? its your mother who has issues!!!! she is most probably jealous of the fact that she is an old bat and is trying to make herself feel better by picking on you and making you feel bad about yourself, she is jelous that her own daughter is growing into a beautiful young women and is doing great for herself, getting good grades and isnt messed up in the head, she nos your not going to end up being a single mother of 2 kids with different fathers that want nothing to do with her! so she is so jealous of that, shes messed up.
What you need to do, and I no its difficult, is not let her bother you, or seem like she doesnt bother you becos the more reaction she gets out of you the more she is smiling inside that she pissed you off. Act like what eva she says doesnt matter do you becos you no you are better than she realises, she nos it to but doesnt want to admit it. When she crapping on about your brother, agree, say 'yeah he is doing heaps good huh' and walk away smiling at the fact that your mother didnt see you get jealous over it. When shes crapping on about how great she looks, smile and walk away thinking 'yeah we'll see what kind of dog you bring home next' becos you no she is worthless and you yourself are going to do great things and not be like her. she wants to see you fail becos she failed, the only great thing she has done in her life is have 2 great kids, but you are going to go all the way becos you have a good head on your shoulders that she isnt going to mess up, and she is so jealous of that, let her. One day, you can look at her and say 'I did it mum, im everything you wanted to be, and I did it myself'!!!

Thank you so much, I don't think she's worthless and I do love her, but she really bothers me and hearing all that really helped, thank-you!!!

Thank you so much, I want to be a writer someday

And you will be a writer, put your mind to it and dont let her put you down. Keep up with the grades and you'll get there one day and you'll feel great becos you did it yourself.

Ok, I see you have got many nice answers, so I add only that, your letter is clear and smart, you wrote that your grade at shcool is good, your mother answered your grandmother that 'oh, she did good', so your mother knows your values. Your mother cannot show you how she likes you, this is a real problem, but I am sure she loves you, Ok, your father is not a strong character, your mother is angry with him because of this, but this weak person gave her a very nince and strong characer daugther, you. Never will be jelous for your little brother, somehow your mother regards you more adult as you are, and tries to quarell you instead of your father. In fact your mother never left you, and this is the really importan point. Continue studying well.

you know what.. you should print off what you just wrote.. and give it to her.. it would get to her.. she probalby doesnt talk about you because thats what your normally like. She is proud of you. no matter what you say. she is.. her blaming you for a dirty house.. help out so its a bit tidy and tell her you did this or that.. vacuum for once. itl help a lot. Tell her it bothers you that she ignores you you feel left out and not loved and it hurts you. shel appologize. tell her your trying really hard to make her notice you but everything you do doesnt seem to work. but if you print what you wrote, and give it to her.. shel probably cry add in ' I feel so neglected I have one parent and she doesnt even love me' say it was a personal diary.. to help you out. but leave it onthe counter.. take out the alcoholic thing.. about your step.. make it mom readable. TRUST ME. and say I lovem why mom soo much I wish she loved me too. <3 pleasepleas please do it! Itl work

wow I know how you feel this is like an exact repleca of my life except the father thing I live with my family I honestly think I should tell you that my plan is to leave this state and go to New York or London or Canada. I think that there is no point in changing someone that old because its not like changing the mind of a teenager there minds are allready developed. It would be harder for her to do what you want. Sorry, well if its any help she kicked me out of the car today and made me walk like from 21st street all the way to 7th which was like a 6 mile walk.

Honestly, I am 17, and my mom is terrible to me too, and I have always wondered what I did so wrong for her to treat me like crap, and treat everyone else, like my 13 year old brother whose highest grade is a 36, like he is the best thing that ever happened to her, right now, my mom is sending me and my brother to move to Indiana with our dad, and its all because he messed up, but all the blame is on me, again, but the only thing I can say, is let it go, and if it just gets worse, try to get emancipated, but I would save that for last, because all it would do is cause more problems that nobody else needs.. And if you really need to, tell your mom to go to the doctor and be put on happy pills, my mom is on them, but once she quits taking them, there is nothing you can do, but while she is on them, MOST things are good...So, maybe you should just look into that..

Hope I helped some, I doubt I did, but you never know.

Wow. After reading all of this I realize how lucky I am to have a mom who loves me and knows how to show it.

your mum reminds me of my mum and litle brother.
like he will treat her worser and she forgives him like 5 mins later and shell be mean to me and ill have a comeback, but no where ner as mean or rude as his and she starts saying 'stuff you' 'get stuffed' 'move out' etc. I always cry and I think im going into depression. I think my mum has made me weak.

My teacher gave the class this advice,' If it gets worst, just wait study hard and be someone, not for your parents but for yourself. You have problems at home just wait until you 18 and you can get the He*l out of their'. Well you seem to work hard so just forget about her and do your own thing'. To get friends at school join clubs that always helps. Or play an instrument and make a band! I made tons of friends cause of music, but I had always had many good friends.

I can understand you there
but in my case its my step-dad
your mom has problems of her own
what I do is spend as less time as possible w. my dad..yes I love him but the less we talk the happier our family is..dont listen 2 her when she tries 2 put you down its just her being ignorant,do your best in everything you can so you can throw it in her face & prove 2 her that you dont need her much..some people are better off w. out parents that arent resposiable,mature, or caring.

Venessa Gave you some advice about joining clubs at school thats good advice but you could get some spritual support in a Good Christian church its a blessing when you can go to God to help you and God can move in your mom heart Prayer can move mountains if you have faith.

look girl I have been through your problem and I know what it feels so let me just t tell you that you should just ignore your momo when you guys are fighting and later on she will be better cause what if your mom suffered a lot with your dad and sometimes they think they are going to do something wrong so they try to be the hard ones ok girl so just do your best always and keep on with your good grades on u'll see oki
good luck
and if you got anymore qustiions here is my email
Fun mail me
love ya
xoxoxoxo

For what I just read you sound like a great person so don't ever doubt that! And I know what you mean because I'm sort of going though the same thing you are but not to that bad. I think that it is so wrong for your mom to do that, like they don't no how hard it is to be 15 and they still make it hard.
I think you should first stop trying to push your self to do things that might make your mom happy for you if she's not willing to except you for what you are then she's missing out!
oh and try talking to your mom about how you feel alone! ( I no it sounds cheesey but it works) LOL I hope this helps because I no what your going though!

did you do anythin to make her pissed off aty you. it could also be because shes going through somethin in her life

Hi answer from a mom

I myself have a 16 yr old daughter who says I am mean to her and that I don't love her. I have 3 other children and she is the oldest I love my daughter to death and all I want is what is best for her. But at this time she thinks her boyfriend comes before her family. She had many friends girls and guys before she met her current b/f. To her going to school was like a big fashion show she was Miss Glamour. Ever since she has been with him its just him he does not want to take her to parties that I know she is dieing to go and she has changed the way she dresses because of him she doesn’t have friends anymore. She spends more time with him than with family. She does not do much around the house (she does help with the 5month old baby from time to time and she now wants nothing to do with my 5 year old she is always fighting with the 15 yr old because he tells her that her friend treats her like crap) I think I'm not strict with her or the others at all. I mean she has her boyfriend, her own room, a cell phone, name brand cloths, purses jewelry. I have put her through driving school and you name it she has it. I have even got her on birth control so she can finish school and not end up pregnant and on welfare. She is very manipulative and always gets what she wants. I think the problem here is not me but she still blames me. She is only happy with me when I give her money for food, pay for her boyfriend’s gas and lend her the car and buy her things (things she does not need). I work my butt off for her and all my other children to have everything and she is still unhappy. Please help what am I doing wrong maybe I gave her too much and that was my problem. I divorced my cheating ex and now have a boyfriend that is good to all of my children and helps me a lot unlike her father. He is a clean freak and even before him I would always stress the fact that her room was always turned upside down. Now she says I have changed because of him I know she hates me.

Whoa. I hope your life gets turned around. Because that shouldn't be a chioldhood facement. Your mom should've been better. I hope you become rich or something.

well you do say that some if it is your fault and maybe you should have a sit down talk with her and tell her how you feel you half to be the bigger person and take it personal about how your mom treats your lil bro better than you it is just because he is younger and sometimes he needs more attention I also suggest that you find one really good friend to talk to when you are stuck also maybe your mom has something that has happened to her thatis really hard and she is just taking her anger out on you just be patuont with her maybe you both can also set a day of each week to go out for a girls day and talk about what ever is on your mined she needs you now than ever because she has a son and a 2nd huosband and maybe she is scared becuase you are growing up and she is scared for when you move out she will really miss you and it probaly is just you grew up so fast so fast that she didnt ever get the chance to tell you how she felt and maybe missed out on doing some activiteies with you becuase of her work well thats all good luck!