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This poem is a bit different to my usual style, it is a freewrite, where I let it flow. It almost doesn't seem like a poem to me, it is so unfamiliar. This is my first attempt at this type of poem. Can you give my your opinions on it? It is titled "Never Be"
I dream of a world where there is no hate, A place I can escape, A place to dream, A place to give in to. There is no danger, Yet I feel uneasy. This world does not seem real, somehow. I am waiting for the mistrust that will never come, The hate that will never arrive. This world is good, pure, beautiful. Filled with flowers, nature, and peace. Then why do I feel so uneasy? This world makes a sound, A sickly sweet sound, A sound of uneasiness in my opinion, But why is it so uneasy? Why, I ask? Because this world cannot be real, It is a dream, I will never feel comfortable. I will never be.
Thanks for reading, Britz.
Thankyou, underwaterophelia, you are the first one that has given me critism. Once more, it was constructive! I am glad you have. It shows that I can recieve that. How exactly can I change it to improve it? I do not mean ANY offence to the other people who have answered, I am glad you answered. But any tiny little thing helps. Thankyou, Britz
I have to be honest with you, I'm not crazy about it. I don't think it's terrible, but it needs some improvement. The problem with it is it's too obvious, and isn't very poetic at all. What's more, it's very cliche.
U are so nice and you got a gift of writing I really wish you could end up being an author.Hey well you never no. you are so nice bye!
well its great but I think it needs more sparkle words Bye I love it still
:) Thankyou. Thankyou. I am glad to find support on this site.
WOW I LOVE IT MAKES ME FILL HAPPY FOR A FEW SECS LOL!!!
wow it is good and you can imagine it sounds perfect
omg its beautiful
O.O I love it!
