Why is it so hard for me to think for myself?

Because you still need to learn responsibility.

usually people don’t think for themselves and rely on others to do the thinking for them is because they are afraid of consequences. when you leave it up to others to make the decision for you, if it turns out bad, you won’t blame yourself. But if you’re the one who actually makes the choice, you’d feel stupid if it doesn’t turn out right.

But of course like everyone else will tell you, don’t let anyone make the deicison for you. What I think you need to do is constantly ask for advice as much as you need (from a trusting friend or family), consider it, and come up with your own solution.

I agree with both answers above. you just need to trust yourself, everyone makes bad decisions. but the only way you can avoid that is by owning up to it and put the past behind. by doing that you can have more confidence and you can trust what you are doing, when you trust what you are doing is right, then you have somewhat mastered you internal conflict. like merriemac said then comes your ability to be responsible. it wont happen over night. it takes time.