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Why don't I enjoy being intimate with my partner anymore?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years and we’ve been living together for almost 3 years. We have a wonderful relationship with honestly, trust, support…all of the main things you need to have a good relationship, except when it comes to sex. About a year and a half ago, I started loosing interest in sex with him and now we hardly ever do it. Sometimes we go months without, but lately I’ve been really trying to make an effort to fix it, but most of the time, when I try to, even though I don’t really feel like it, it ends up feeling weird. In the beginning, the sex was wonderful. I don’t know what’s happened to change how I feel about this and it’s so frustrating. I still love him very much, but even kissing him doesn’t feel right. I don’t want to loose him but I really miss being intimate and passionate with someone. For some reason, I don’t feel like I would have a problem being intimate with someone else. Everything else about our relationship is great but sex is important too. How can I recapture what I had? Why is this happening? Has anyone ever dealt with this before?

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Answer #1

Usually things are fun in the begining and over time the passion wears out. This is common in all relationships and pretty much anything in the world. It corresponds with the theory of Diminishing Marginal Utility. The more you do something the less marginal utility you get from doing it. Hope this helped.

Answer #2

Try something new! Try some fun role playing or something that you two haven’t done. Go to the sex store and buy a fun sex game to get you going in a whole new way. Try different positions, wear something that makes you feel like a goddess. The key here is experiment!

Answer #3

Experimentation is great. However, if there are other parts of your life that you’re also losing interest in it maybe more than just boredom.

When this happened to me I also started not liking school and other things that brought me enjoyment. It turns out that I was clinically depressed. Unlike most people say, that has nothing to do with a sudden life change.

It’s all about your brain chemistry going out of sorts. It can happen gradually, or quite suddenly.

If this describes you, there are lots of places where you can get the help and medication that you may need at little to no cost to you. Let me know if this fits and you’d like help finding a place to go!

Answer #4

Dear twilightsky, Well you don’t have a completely honest relationship with great communication or this would be something you both are working on in counselling. I am going to say that there are other areas in the relationship that are faltering. Many couples will say their sex lives have dwindled and will find it is a direct result from another area of problems in the relationship. You need to discover what this is and take care of it before you can see results in your sex life. If you truly want this relationship to work you will seek out counselling to get the root of your problem. Sue…good luck

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