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Why do I always feel lost?

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hi eeryone. ugh I have no clue wats wrong with me. well I kinda do but not rely. I always feel like im lost and dont belong. I feel like im always pt down. im scared of what I say and do because in my past all my opinions were silenced and my actions were judged. im still very much judged with what I do. ugh I hate it. most of the time I feel uncomfotable to, I always feel so fat. thats why im bulimic. and I also take pain away by cutting. I know its all bad, but what can I do? I relle need help, thats why I want to go to counseling...but I cant rite now because of huge family/court/parent/money issues. ughh I hate this all. is there anyone who I can to talk to? and just vent to.? please I have no more options left .I feeel soo helpless and I feel like I've ran ou of hope..