secrets of rape and shame

As someone that has been through it I can say that you feel shame, regret, hurt, anger, guilty…plus a whole bunch of other emotions.

I’ve never told my parents…but I have told some of my friends and my husband. I also went to talk to a therapist, that really did help.

You can’t force her to tell her parents, and it’s her choice if she doesn’t want to. At least she’s telling someone and talking to someone. Just let her know that you’re there to listen to her…sometimes the best thing to do is just listen.

not neccesarily look at herself in the mirror. it’s just shame. I cant explain it.

its not thhhat easy

No… she doesnt need to necessarily tell her parents. She’s an adult and is perfectly capable of making her own decisions. However, she does need to get help for it. Does everyone necessarily need help, no… but I would say the majority of sexual assault victims do need to talk to someone, and if she is still experiencing shame, then obviously she’s not completely over it. Do not go behind her back and tell her parents. You have no right to make a decision like that for her. But you can encourage her to try and get help in some other form. Try and get her to see someone, and this link will get you to a hotline, she can either call or chat to someone

http://www.rainn.org/

yet… she talks to people she trusts?

Wrong? Who are we to decide if someone’s choices are right or wrong?

It’s her choice to tell whomever she wants, and withhold it from whomever.

If she wants to tell them but doesn’t know how, that’s simply a matter of figuring out how to do it. Either she will figure it out or not. There’s no “wrong” there.

And, someone who is too ashamed to look at herself in the mirror does NOT sound “fine” to me. It doesn’t matter how long ago it happened.

A counselor/therapist or support group could be a great help to her peace of mind. As a friend you could support her by helping her find professional help.

Just my 2 cents.

Hun understand that rape victims usually think its their fault. She might be having trouble because shes scared of what her parents are gunna say

my sister was molested (sp?) when she was about 8 years old.

I was the very first person she told and she told me this year…shes 16.

we saw the guy out somewhere and my parents got mad that she didnt speak to him so I knew something was up with her.

so after we checked out at the store my parents were really mad and were going to make her go to him and appoligize for being rude…but she said she had to go to the bathroom and so I went with her

she told me in the bathroom and said that he told her that she couldnt tell anyone or else…

after we left the bathroom, we got in the car and mom went to put the buggy up

so, dad was sittin there talking to her and being all like “you are never rude to people…you need to call him and appoligiz” and she said no

he got mad and started yelling and I couldnt take it so I just yelled “he molested her!” and he just froze

after that they got things taken care of

my sister said that every night since she was 8 she had had bad dreams about it and flashbacks

she thanked me a million times for telling because now she feels much safer

so I think that you should either tell your friends parents or help your friend to do it because believe me she will thank you and thats what friends are for

yes, I know . bc …welll..nevermind… you dont know unless you have been through it!

She should really tell her parents and let them know. My mother was raped as a child and it affected her as an a adult after she had me. Everything came back when she had me she actually kinda lost it. She needs to see a counsolor and let it out or its going to haunt her for the rest of her life

it was 2 years ago. she’s fine . just the fact she dont know how to tell her parents.

She needs help a doctors help. This can lead up to depression & suicidal thoughts you as her friend should encourage her to tell someone. Support her & if it gets serious enough YOU tell someone

if she feels that shameful about it shes obviously not okay. she should tell someone. like her rents. or mom. dad. whoever shes closer to. now that shes 18 she really could just tell the police but they have no evidence now. even though they dont its okay no matter how long ago it happened she can still try to press charges