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I’m moving in about a week with my boyfriend that I’ve been with for almost 9 months. We’re movin from washington to california and we’re going to live wit his parents until we can get on our feet. The problem is, I have a lot of faith in him to turn his life around & stay off drugs, go to school, get a good education and all that so we can have a wonderful life together. Sometimes I think it’s too much faith. This move isn’t really about us it’s about me gettin out there and startin my life. His too. Is there a period of time that I should wait before startin to give up (that sounds horrible but seriously, I don’t wanna wait around all my life for him to clean his act up)? I love him to death & I believe that he can change but am I just wasting my time?

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Answer #1

You realize that he is always going to have a drug problem right? I mean, depending on the severity of his addiction…its always going to be there. And most likely, one day, he will relapse. Maybe not right now. Maybe long into your relationship. Or when you may marry and have children. Can you handle that? Can you support him through that? It is too much to ask a person to go cold turkey the rest of their lives. A lot of addicts relapse. I hope he is constatly going to meetings for his problem, etc. If not…leave him now. And if you cannot see yourself with an addict for the rest of your life…leave him now.

Answer #2

Does he have a lot of friends in California? I mean, will it really truly be starting over for him or is he going to be picking up where he left off?

I would give it at 2 months. That’s enough time to get acclimated. More than enough. If he is at that point showing genuine interest and is trying to pursue things (maybe he isn’t IN school yet, but he has filled out applications and is picking classes, maybe he doesn’t have a job yet but has submitted many many applications and is actively calling following up on those applications, etc)

If not, he doesn’t WANT to change. Because if he wanted it bad enough, he’d be doing it.

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