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I know that I am probably going to get highly criticized and beat down for this but I can take it. I am 32 years old and have been emotionally and physically cheating on my husband for over a year now. The physical part has only occurred a handful of times. He is married as well. I know that this is wrong and have known ever since it began. It started as me challenging myself to see how far I would actually take it and now I can't seem to make it stop. I've gotten myself into an awful situation that I don't know how to get out of. My husband is a wonderful man who would divorce me in a second if he knew about this. He is very into his profession and he doesn't quite give me the attention that I need (not making excuses, just telling you how it is). I feel that I do love my husband but I know that what I am doing to him could break him. I can hardly sleep or eat. My thoughts are filled with constant images of me being with this other person and the feelings that I get when we are together. It's not that I really even have true feelings for him - it's just the attention and touch of another man that I crave. I've tried to stop the communication but I feel as if it's a drug. I'm afraid that I am letting my whole life slip before me. I don't want to be this person - I never thought I would be here. I just don't know how to move on. How do I make my marriage work knowing what I have done? Is it possible? I can't tell my husband - this isn't even an option for me. I know that I have no future with this other person and I know it needs to end. I just don't even know if I have the want or desire to actually end it. I've tried to pray about this but sometimes I don't even know what I'm praying for. I have no one to talk to. I am pretty sick with this person that I have become and wonder if I have a serious mental problem...or if I am just trying to make up for something that my marriage is lacking. Either way I am living a life that has no meaning to me right now and that's just sad. I'm not trying in any way to make anyone feel sorry for me. I brought this on myself and I will eventually have to pay the consequences.
Has anyone out there been through this? Do I have mental problems or is this just (pathetically enough) adultery at it's best?
I am truly sorry that you feel so miserable! Maybe you should sit down with your husband and let him know that you crave his time and attention and that you are feeling neglected. If that does not work then maybe a divorce is the answer.