Heyy, Gimme a joke!
A Blonde's Year in Review
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels...HELLOOO!...bottles won't fit in printer.
March - Got really excited...finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months...box said "2 - 4 years"
April - Trapped on escalator for hours...power went out.
May- Tried to make Kool-Aid - wrong instructions... 8 cups of water won't fit into that little packet.
June- Tried to go water skiing - couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast stoke swimming competition...learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms.
August- Got locked out of my car in a rain storm...car swamped because soft-top was open.
September- The capital of California is "C", isn't it?
October- Hate M&M's - they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days...instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108 !!!
December - Couldn't dial 911- duh - there's no eleven on the stupid phone.
This guy in his car and this girl in her car are approaching the same intersection from crossing directions - they collide in the intersection - both are unhurt - she says to him, 'wow, it must be fate that we meet like this, not a scratch !' - he says 'maybe so' - she says 'let's celebrate, I've got a bottle of wine that made it through the crash' - he says 'Sure !' - she opens it and gives it to him - he takes a big swig and hands it back to her - she puts the top back on - He says 'aren't you going to have any ?? - she says 'Nah...I'll just wait for the Police' :-)
ok here is a dirty joke a truck dirver was going down the road and saw a couple in the middle of the road making love.he honked his horn 100 feet away from the couple and they die don't budge.he honked his horn another time 50 feet away from the couple and they didnt budge.He saw they werent going to move so he stopped and whent over to the couple and asked the man why they didnt move out of the way because he could of killed them. the man replies I was coming she was coming and you were coming BUT you were the only one with the breaks.
sorry but I have a blond joke.(sorry no offense to blonds) ok so a blond a brunette and aredhead are at the gynacologists getting to see what there babys gender is going to be. the brunette says that she is goig to have a boy because she was on top during intercourse. the redhead says im going to have a girl because I was on bottom during intercourse. the blond says OMG im going to have a puppy.
a man gets drunk every night and comes home late.his wife decides to get back at him by dressing up in a devil costume. so the next night he comes home very drunk .she jumps out from behind the sofa. the man isnt scared. in a slured voice the man says...
man: im not scared of you I married your sister.
Girlfriend: I wish I had bigger boobs
boy friend; I know what will work!
girlfriend : what?!
boy friend : get toilet paper and rub it in between your boobs
girlfriend: how will that work?
boy friend I don't know but it shure worked for butt
A man checks into a hotel and says to the clerk, 'I really hope the pornography in my room is disabled.' She glares up and him and says, 'No, it's going to be regular porn, you sick freak.'
And here is some interesting definitions.
Lymph: To walk with a lisp. Gargoyle: an olive flavoured mouthwash Coffee: a person who is coughed upon Pokemon: A jamaican proctologist.
how are Bill Clinton and JFK different.
Bill Clinton got his head blown off and JFk was assinated
first husband (proudly): " My wife is an angel!" Second husband: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
GUESS WHAT!? do you know the new politicaly correct way to call lesbians? VAGITERIAN