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I was wondering if you could help me. I'm not sure whether there is something wrong with me or it's just the way I am. None of my friends, my boyfriend or my family know this about me or the way I feel about myself.
I stand with a bunch of people at school during breaks and I tend to stay quiet. Sometimes I can go all day without talking to anyone. When the attention falls on me - my heart starts racing really fast and I go red and it doesn't even matter what they've asked me. Everytime my teachers picks me out or I just talk to them one on one, it does the same thing. I feel really uncomfortable. My heart races and I can feel myself go red.
I feel that I am below everyone, I'm not as important as them. Thats why I stay quiet because I believe that I'm not as important as them, I don't belong here so I'll just stay quiet. That everything would be better without me but noone would notice I was even missing.
I constantly compare myself to everyone just to confirm to myself that my life is never going to be like theirs - perfect. I compare what they have to what I have and make myself feel like crap because my life is so sh*t. Even tho, I have no problems with friends or family. My life doesn't have any major faults but I'm never happy.
I get really wierd mood swings. I can be happy then I can get really miserable for ages. Some days I go to school and I'm really happy then the next day I'll come in and not want to speak to anyone because I just don't care about anything.
I have self harmed before. I try not to do it because I do it on my wrists and at school everyone can see the cuts. When I do, I try to hide them with bracelets and sweatbands and I've also promised my boyfriend that I wouldn't.
I have no self-esteem, self-worth or self-belief what-so-ever. To me, everyone is better than me and I am the lowest of the low. I've found that things I used to enjoy have become pointless and unforfilling.
Sorry If I've been moaning but I've felt like this for years now. Is there something wrong? :/
Oh wow, that sounds EXACTLY like me in middle school.
don't worry, its just a part of growing up. to start getting more self confidant, you have to be cocky in a way. like think all day "I'm so sexxxyyy" haha if you make it funny, its easier to accept the fact that you are equal. don't let people pull you down, you should know you are above all the cr*p they do. This is all part of being a teenager, and it SUCKS. it'll be over and you'll be stronger because of it. just try to put it into your head that you are awesome. it works after you do it for a while. :)
well, you just repeat it, it doesn't make you arrogant its just like "oh hey, stuff isn't that bad" you just have to laugh at everything around you
