I had sex with this guy and now...

Alright so last night this guy and I had sex. It was my first experience and terrible experience. He was very aggressive like when I gave him a bj, he would push my head down to far to the point of me gagging. He notice my facial expression that I was not comfortable and he even asked if I was alright, I said “no,” but he kept doing it again and he smelt bad. Then when we did intercourse, I was on top thinking “oh I can take my time if it hurts.” But nope, he thrust his body up and it hurt like a freakin I don’t know what and I asked him to slow down but he just kept pushing it. So I bleed a lot and it was all over his boxers omg it was a mess.

After that we went out side on the dock so he could smoke (no wonder why he smelt so bad). This is the part of where it really hurt me. He decided to talk about why I don’t have a boyfriend. *side note: I have always never been really interested in having a boyfriend because to me, I think its just cheesy with all the love crap. I also don’t want to be tied down in a relationship. So he goes on this lecture of why he thinks I can’t get a boyfriend. One I need to change my hair color ( Its a dark brown and everyone I know likes this hair color more than my natural hair color light brown) Two I need to show off my boobs . Three I need to talk to guys more (which is reasonable but I already have a lot of guy friends). I don’t know why but when he said all that it hurt me because if someone tells you should change something about you without asking, it makes you feel like crap.

After that little adventure he finally said that we probably can’t hang out anymore and then kissed me goodbye. When he left my house I was literally jumping for joy that he left and then cried because of what he said. I don’t know why its making me feel bad. I don’t regret the sex part and I don’t like him. So why am I taking it so personally?