How to apologize to a unforgiving mother?

My mom and I have been having intense arguments since I graduated out of middle school, im a junior now. As I got older, the more intense it got. Yesterday we had a big argument and I overheard her on the phone telling others how she feel like I don’t love her, never did and I don’t spend time with her. I try to talk to her to see whats on her mind but she play the tough role and it just ends up in another argument. Its obvious that we have poor communication skills and I’ve tried to do everything to help it.. She doesn’t want counseling and think no one can tell her nothing she doesn’t know already. Im clueless now. I NEED HELP! SUGGESTIONS..ANSWERS..ANYTHING PLEASE!!!

Answer #1

im in the same boat!

Except my mum is a raging alcoholic with no remorse or gratitude for anything, Like you and your mum we have a bad relationship!, honestly ? I blame her, she has abused me for 17years and drank with no apology for anyone.

What I will say is my brother and mum do not speak and havent for 7 years and I know its tore the family apart!, the advice I can give to you is you both need a break , time to think and compromise, you might think its stupid but it works, if your mum does not forgive you and makes you feel guilty for everything, then she is in the wrong and you need to be straight with her, and say - Mum im sorry , I know that means nothing to you right now but we both need to work this out.

Whatever you do, do not get angry! it will only be more score points for your mum, staying calm is such a better idea even if it is frustrating,

Let me know how it goes :) x

Answer #2

Tell her that you overheard what she was saying on the phone…that you didn’t realize she felt that way…and for that you’re sorry. Ask her “what can we do to make our relationship better?” The chances are, these arguements aren’t really about what it ‘seems’ they’re about…but stem from mom’s hidden emotions. Asking her for ideas on how to work together, and get along…might be the opening she’s been needing.

p

Answer #3

Thank you. I’ve tried this, and it didnt work too well. =/. I wouldnt talk to her, so she would leave little messages on my phone..very insulting things and so on until i tried to talk to her.

Answer #4

And i also tried your strategy..not too much luck either. She didnt want to open up to me.. she said bottom line, i said i hate her and she dont believe my apology. So im jus clueless now!

Answer #5

what I’m noticing in both advices you received is that meganoskay and I are speaking as tho we left “anger” at the door. In both of your replies, it’s obvious that you are as angry as your mom….and that’s what the problem is. You must make a decision to leave the anger behind and be the CALM one…since obviously mom isn’t going to be. You can only change yourself, you can’t change her. Drop the anger, in order to get what you want from your mom.

Answer #6

i agree.

Answer #7

=) Thanks for the help. Sorry I haven’t been on in so long.

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