How if I make my boyfriend mad enough do I know if its abuse?

We have been together for about a year or so. But I can say the way we got together wasn’t quite right, I was his rebound. Which turned into being in love I guess. But I’m an argumentative person and I am a little rough but I don expect to get hit like I do. His mom says “well you provoke him, if your gonna hit like a man then get expected to get hit” but my dad always tells me its not okay… He’s not even allowed at my house. He constantly thinks I’m cheating on him, or that some “dude” is trying to get at me ( like someone is gonna steal me away from him ) I can’t go hangout with my guy friends unless he already knows them. He calls me names and says I cause him stress. Last night I did provoke him we were both drunk with his sister he lost his temper and punched me and tried to take my phone because he thought I was trying to cheat on him. I don’t know what to do is it abuse because I hit him too sometimes and I’m the one arguing too half the time…