My little girl Alyssa (who will be 3 on Monday) was recently diagnosed with leukemia in February. She has been a fighter and is doing quite well, it's a long journey but I know she will succeed. On the other hand I'm not doing so well. I'm so angry at times that this had to happen to her that I'm afraid my anger may rub off on her no matter how hard I try to hide it from her. Before all this she was the type of kid that was always very courteous, happy, respectful of others, always did what we asked of her, and very bright. Yet lately she has been angry and lacking in some of the good behaviors. Some of the behavior problems are from the Cemo drugs but I know a lot is also from seeing me upset and I don't want her to become like I have. I know how to fix myself and get through this but I not sure how to get her back on the right track right now. Growing up in the industry I'm sure has been very stressful at times so my question for you is how did you become such a genuinely good person, what do I need to do to make sure my little girl grows up to be as well rounded as you? Or do you think I'm stressing to much about her behavior?
I'm so sorry for your struggles. Your daughter's diagnosis is a difficult one, and as I type this, I'm praying for you. :)
This will sound funny, but I think the best thing parents can learn is good acting skills. Your feelings are legitimate. I'm not discounting them at all. But part of being a good mom is knowing when to let kids see your emotions, and when to save grown up frustrations for grown up time.
If I'm boiling mad about an entire bottle of glue on the living room floor, I still calmly approach the "offender." I don't yell. I explain why it was wrong to be wasteful, and how we all clean up our own messes. He starts to clean it, and then I help him "finish." (Can you guess what I did today? LOL)
Here's my bottom line advice: don't read anything written by a doctor or a somebody with letters after his name. Psychology is theories and garbage, and not provable by science... if it were, we wouldn't have one high school drop out become a prison inmate and another Albert Einstein. They don't know how to raise your unique child. They just offer generalities that may or may not have any basis in reality. (And too many of them have no kids of their own. LOL)
You don't know if your time with your daughter will be short, or many years. Frankly, NONE of us know! Instead, read the Bible. God has blessed you with this little girl. He doesn't allow everyone the privilege of being parents. He picked YOU!!! That is a privilege! God believes you are the perfect person to raise this sweet daughter, and He is faithful. He has TOLD you how to raise her! Proverbs gives general guidelines. Ruth is a great character lesson for a little girl. Read about the way God values children (Matthew 18) and how He creates them at just the right time and to the right circumstances (Psalm 139). Then be comforted...
To raise a "well rounded" child, you must begin with character. At three, you can talk about a different trait every month. Kindness. Gentleness. Being Polite. Having a cheerful attitude. Practice and talk about these things while cuddling on the couch. When things are difficult, when the anger comes out of her in a fit or something, make a sad face and speak softly and sound disappointed. "Oh, sweetie... that really wasn't kind when you hit him, was it? Remember how we talked about being kind is when you consider others' feelings? I think you owe him, and apology, and then we can try playing again, this time being kind."
You CAN do this!!! At three, SHE can begin to learn these things. The time you spend telling her about what kind of mommy you hope she'll be, what kind of friend you hope she'll be, what kind of person you hope she'll be... is time that is never wasted and always strengthens the bond between mommy and daughter.
Dear montenegro, First I'd like to say I am very sorry to hear about the leukemia but I read the great strength in your question. We are not given anything we can't handle. This is a time when you are expected to be angry at everything because your daughter is hurting. As mother's we naturally feel hopeless and helpless in these situations. After all we think we are supposed to be their protectors. So when bad things like this happen we feel we don't have control. The wisest thing to do is first seek out counselling. There are a lot of therapist who deal with exactly what you are going through and you will be able to find out who they are through the hospital you are currently going to. As adults we understand why your angry but a child will not. So even though they are smart and sometimes can really tell how we are feeling we must put the anger aside when we are with them. When your child is showing anger and you know it isn't due to any discomfort your reaction is important. Remain calm and try to find out what she is telling you. At 3 they can articulate some things and some needs. Treat her as you would normally by being loving, nurturing and patient. Sue...good luck
she might be in pain ...that causes anger and also dont act like that in front of her she sees it and thinks its ok...children know when a parents upset they can feel it...dont stress about her behavior every child goes through it think back to when you were young think of a time you just randomly yelled for no reason and then you will understand where she is coming from...everyone has there own personality thats what makes them unique and as your child get older she will reolize right from wrong and start to develope a good personality...shes only 3 you cant expect her to know logic right now...you will see in time everything will get better.
