Overcoming racism

OK I have something to admit. It's not a very easy thing to admit in today's society, but I'm sad to say it's true. I am a racist. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a KKK member or a skinhead...nothing whacko like that. I'm just a normal, everyday guy, but I have some serious issues with people of another racial group. You could say I am prejudiced...but I want to emphasize that my attitudes are based on experiences I've had in my lifetime. I won't go into too much detail, but let's just say that I've been wronged by some people who are from a different ethnic group, and I've made the mistake of allowing myself to think all those people are like that.

Now I want to unlearn this racism because I know it's not healthy. But it's like I have this tape playing in my head, telling me what to think about this other racial group. Does anyone have any suggestions for how to overcome prejudice? Hateful feelings are so powerful, it's hard to just ignore them. Please help me.

My advice also is to AVOID typical sterotypes. I mean lets face it, you're probably not going to find a whole lot of stellar people, of any race, if you're having out on the street in town known for hookers and drugs and drive bys. Look for good decent people of all races, churches for example, not to say all church going people are good anymore then those you don't go are evil, but it's a pretty safe place to start. Churches, work, professional areas not the local Mcdonalds.

You can overcome anything you CHOOSE to. Look for the good in people and realize that the things that have been done to you were done by a person, not a person who was black or white or Hispanic or Asian, but by a specific person. Ok maybe several people of the same race have wronged you, it was still THEm, not their race.

Well, I'm black and white and my initial reaction after hearing this was to get mad, but then I realized that hey, at least buddy is willing to admit his prejudice and wants to stop it. And let's face it, whether it's a conscious thing or not, we all put stereo-types on people based on race, appearance, religion, demeanor etc etc. It's not right, but we do. The best thing to do is to surround yourself with people of all different races to give you a new perspective and help you realize that race doesn't define a person and just because someone from a certain race is crude, it doesn't mean they all are. I hate to see people blinded by prejudice when it doesn't have to be like this, we need to put a stop, all of us. Think about it, if your skin was brown, would you be any different on the inside? Wouldn't you feel hurt when people assumed you were going to be a certain way because of your brown skin? You need to put yourself in other people's shoes. Anyway, the best of luck for overcoming this, peace.

wow honey you need serious help om hispanic and no im not mexican im salvadorean but hun your wrong just because u've had bad luck with a certain raze doesnt mean everyone is like that but da,mn honey im not going to lie I can really get mad at this,look hun let me tell you that it doesnt matter the color of your skin we are all equal you need to get through your head that you wont win anything with racism that way to get that of your head you need to learn how to trust out of your culture and if you dont know how to do that then no one can help you

If you're judging people of different races because a few, (even if you said, like 20) people from another race were crude or mean or awful towards you, isn't it logical to say that they could do the same right back to white people? How many people that are white have done terrible things to people not only of other races but also to eachother! The point is that it doesn't matter what race you are because no race is better than the other, each one has its group of people who will act in a way that isn't acceptable- but if you're going to generalize for the whole race like that, then you'd also need to generalize for everyone else. There are no exceptions, we are either all evil, or all good-hearted in general, because we're all equal.
Your problem lies with the fact that you're shutting out all of the negatives of the white race, and all the positives of other races, which isn't fair or rational. Try to think about (if you have to, search for) positive things about another race, they aren't hard to find. The white culture is no longer simply white, in the United States and around the world we are all widely dispersed and integrated. Just not enough that racism no longer exists, but you can fight it. Keep an open mind, and don't forget that it means nothing what race you are, we are all capable of using the good heart we have.

maybe a someone did something to you that is bad that was from a black asian or hispaic ethic baskround but that doe mean all of us are bad I'm black my bes friend is white I like white guys

Just because stereo-types bother me so very much, I'm adding you as my friend, so I can prove to you that just because some people of a certain race take on certain characteristics, doesn't mean we all do. I'm mixed, but I'm far from your stereo-typical black girl. I'm shy, quiet, I like reading and I have goals in life.

Well first of all, thank you all for your responses. I expected some judgemental attitudes, and I got them...but I also hoped for some honest advice, and I got that too. I have a few things to say in response. First of all, I'm not blind to the fact that many white people have racist views, and exhibit racist traits. And I do believe that racism in the US is first and foremost a white problem that we must overcome. Second of all, I honestly think some of you are living in a fantasy world...the truth is, race does matter, and many people can't look past it. I know I can't, even though I've tried to. Third, I would like to emphasize that I have no problem with racial harmony in our society, my problems are more on a personal level. My sister was seduced and raped by a black man, and my best friend was robbed at gun point by a black man, then fatally wounded when he refused to give up his money. I know it's wrong to stereotype, but I'm having trouble moving past the skin color of these perpetrators. I don't want to believe all black people exhibit these traits, but it's difficult. It's a daily struggle, and I'm looking for helpful advice on how to move past it. So please, spare me the PC high-on-your-pedestal crap, and tell me something that will help me heal my pain and change my views. Thank you.

No way do I think I'm overly self-righteous- but one thing you said bothered me. You said that race does matter, and some people can't look past it. The reason WHY race matters in a negative way is BECAUSE of people not looking past it, there is no rational reason why the race of a person should affect who they are as a human being. Granted, your race may play a part in who you were, but it is insignificant when you think about it in the grand scheme of what else makes us, us. I do understand, however, what you are going through, although it is in a different way. My parents used to hit me when I was younger, and I developed a fear and a common dislike for most adults because of it. I knew that not all adults were as cruel or judgemental as my parents were towards me, but it was hard to get past the judgement I had made because of what I went through. Nonetheless, I did overcome it- and I had to deliberately tell myself that there were honest, kind adults out there who had helped me and been good to me. You need to try to step out of your comfort zone in order to get past the judgements you've made- don't hesitate to talk to and be friends with others of different races and try to learn from others in that way. I wasn't able to get past my judgement until I had some good examples of really great adults to prove me wrong, you may need something like that. Good luck, and sorry this is so long!

ok sorry to sat honey but you have a real problem race in fact does not matter for your information and please excuse me if at any moment this sounds rude but you so mistaken by your theoryyou only put out how blackpeople this and that how they have done this to you and stuff but have you ever sat down and thing that like 200 years ago the were treats so bad they were your slaves you white people have done so many things to all races but you never hear us complaning so get over it because this world come in all shapes and sizes and colors so you might as well get use to it im only 15 and I understand and your probably in your late 20s and dont have a clue,also no offence but white people are always trying to make other razes inferior how they are better but unfortunatly your wrong any raze can be successful but anyways think about hun and start realizing that not only black to evil things also white and mexucan and hispanic, there is everything in this world,you need to see a psychologist hun because really no one can help you with this and if you really do want help you need to know that to be helped you need to want to be helped and abviosly you dont want to cause you keep seeing the negative side of it

sorry for my mispelling I was writing too fast my bad I hope you understand

Wow, lovemaker7. I'm appalled at what you wrote the second time. How can you tell someone not to make stereotypes, when you yourself said "white people are always trying to make other razes inferior." I am white, and never have I thought I was superior in any way, I don't think it makes me a better or worse person than anyone else. Putting other ethnicities down is not something that is unique to the white race, we've all done it in different ways. You seemed to assume that mjax111 didn't want to be helped because he sought the negative side, but he came to this site and asked for help didn't he? And, to suggest that someone needs to see a psychologist without knowing them (or being a psychologist yourself) and for having a problem with generalizing, which you did yourself, seems a little wrong to me.

but is true hun dont get mad well ok ill stop giving advise

lovemaker7: clearly you are not the kind of person to be giving advice on this topc. In fact it sounds like you have similar issues to mine.

liluxo: your reply did get me thinking. it will be a struggle for me, but I'm trying to unlearn what makes me think the way I have been, and you're right, I do need to expose myself to more black people and try to get outside my comfort zone. I realize many black people have the same kind of distrust toward white people, and while I used to have no sympathy for that, I do need to be willing to listen. thanks for your words, it will take time.

well whatever hun you have no trouble with racism because I have white and blck family so I am not racism in any way nut ok its ok

Dear Mjax,
The fact that you are excepting your feelings, and trying to change your attitude is a HUGE step in changing this hateful attitude toward different races. You are not in denial, so this should be pretty easy for you, and you are right when you say it's unhealthy etc...
What to do??
First simply stay away from these people that (wronged) you. When you feel wronged, just move on....don't let yourself to mentally dwell on this. From now on when you (mentally) notice yourself going down that "thought" path....catch yourself and tell yourself
"next thought" . You are in control of this. What is happening, is you are judging these individuals on how they treated you, and if you think about it they are controlling your thought, and controlling your inner emotions. When you get these thoughts, you probably get tense, angry, hatefull, etc...(just like you explained in your question). But think about it....By embracing all of these negative thoughts (because of these people that hurt you)
They are controlling your inside. Which is a horrible way to go through life.
Try the "next thought" exercise (and really do it) Think about your next thought. It really does work. Look at all races as (one form) of human beings. When you first start your "next thought" exercise you may be saying it every 5 minutes..thats OK you are contolling your own thought and the times between the "negative thought"will increase.
Think of it like this....
If you walk up to a cliff that has a drop off of 2000 feet straight down..you will have a lot of caution and will not allow yourself to get to close to the edge. Our thought process is the same, but for some reason a lot of us choose to ignore it..We choose to allow ourselves to consistantly "jump" off that "mental cliff", creating all kinds of inner turmoil and hurt for ourselves....the only difference is it is a non-physical experience..of course
it can eventually lead to physical damage but not the noticeable,(in front of our face) physical damage that the "cliff" example portrays....However it is all the same. AND you know that the race of the people that wronged you is
not a bad and evil race....They may be bad people but the "race" is fine. If you did not feel this on the "undercurrent" of your inner self you never would have wrote the question.
You are very smart and you listen to your inner mechanism that tells you something is not right. Remember to simply do the "next thought" exercise....I think this will help.
Familycoach

Hey there, first of man, props to you for standing up and tryng to right what you are seeing as a wrong, most people would roll over and just simmer in their preconcived notions and only let the problem become more exaggerated. I dont know if anybody is really reading this post anymore but I sure hope they are because this is a problem that is plauging society. I personally grew up in a predominantly white upper middle class neighborhood and did not really know any people from many other races. When I was old enough I joined the Army and got the biggest case of culture shock that just about anybody could have. I would like to highlight the case that you made where you think you need to "get out of your comfort zone". I think this would be best for you, to see the other side of the story is an enlightening expirience. My standpoint from my life expiriences now is that there are extremeists in every race and unfortunately these individuals showcase the "stereotypes" for all races. Just as you may through your pain and troubles that you have had to endure, which by the way only akes you an even bigger man to be able to step up from that and try to change. Butas I was saying just as you may see some of these stereotypes of the criminal gangster black man, another black individual will look at you as a eliteist white person who thinks he is better than everybody else and know where hes come from. Neither side is right to me. There is only one answer to the problem of racism in the USA and that is for everybody to put away their prejudices and the past and MOVE ON. I know the things that happened in the past to people of other ethnic groups were attrocious, there is no excuse for this inhumane treatment. My feeling on the other had is that while this has happened, we mst move on, we must learn to live togather and while we remember those times we need to also remember that people today did not necessarily cause those problems. I was born in 1985, I have personally never participated in slavery or segregation or any of the other atrocities of the past, nor do I condone them, so I do not feel I can be held responsible. I feel for those who have gone through it, I understand that racist action continue to this day, but we must put it all behind us and see each other for what we are, celebrate our differences, and learn to live togather and embrace each other as individuals.

sorry 2 say I cant help you with this all becoming bigger fact in our every day lives. im white and I have a few gud black and indian and coulerd and white friends but when I speak 2 my black friends they say that they hate other black people and then they call them kaffers and then they say ( im not a raicist but I hate kaffers ) and we all go ha ha ha but their isnt much you can do about it 4rm were im 4rm

be a man and stop listeing to your mind, and start telling it what to think. You know its somewhat of a personal flaw, being racist. So instead of flipping that mexican guy off for cutting you off on the freeway, do nothing. Instead of thinking the racist thoughts you do when you encounter these people, think the exact opposite. You know what I mean?

Is this about Lovemaker7 or overcoming racism? I'm confused! She's right but I don't think you need a phychologist! You need to go somewhere that there are a lot of people of another race! Like LA, or Mexico, or China, you know? The thing is, if you can get past your fears of the past, you are the bigger person!

familycoach,

Your reply was very helpful in how to handle my thought processes. I've been working on catching myself and paying more attention to my thoughts on things like this. And I've been trying to "branch out" more and hopefully take on some positive experiences. It's funny how, if someone from your own social/racial group wrongs you, you don't think anything of their race, but if someone from another race/social group wrongs you, you allow their skin color or culture to be a part of why this happened to you. Thanks again, all the best.

codeman66

Your post has nothing to do with anything. I have not flipped any Mexican guys off for cutting me off on the freeway. My issues are a little deeper than that. Please don't clutter up the board with useless nonsense. Thank you.