Newest poem: broken heart

remember that you can post any comment you like

BROKEN HEART

I thought that I loved you with all of my heart,
But then I found out that you lied since the start.
All of my feelings melted away,
And because of you, I can no longer stay.
You asked if...

you could regain my love,
But it was flying away with a small white dove.

Could I ask for just one more thing,
Before I prepare to leave everything?
One last question before I leave,
Why did you want to be friends with me?

Did you pick my secrets one by one,
Then go tell them to everyone?
Or was it that you did not care,
When someone asked me out on a dare?

I really thought that you loved me,
But your true colors are here; I finally see.
I know now that my love, faint but true,
Deserves so much better than someone like you.
My trust in everyone flew out the door,
And I trust no one forever more.

I'm not trying to be nasty, so I hope you find this mildly constructive.
I suggest you work on a more orginal idea, there are 1000's of teenagers that write about there broken hearts however if the topic is something that you wish to stick with then I suggest you work on your rhyming scheme especially in 2nd stanza. Try and focus on finding words that fit with the tone of your poem rather than just using obvious rhymes.
Good luck.

I am not being mean towards. I wasn't then and I'm still not now. Even after how you are reacting to constructive critism.
I was trying to help you because no matter how much everyone loves your poetry it can always be improved or are you too arrogant to see that?
At the end of the day you don't have to listen to me but you asked for my opinion.
I think somewhere along the line you have been told you are some kind of perfect writer and now your ego is blinding you.

In days of my youth, I too wrote the truth,
when emotions and loves mad me sad.
To make it all rhyme was quite hard all the time,
and, most often, it turned out quite bad.

They'd laugh and they'd tease me at what I had felt,
And some thought to write such, was gay,
But I wrote all the more, and continued for sure,
And it's made me what I am today.

I'm not much a poet, or writer, by nature,
You'll never see my stuff in print,
But what I have learned may help you along,
So may I just offer a hint ?

You stand up and write, believe what you say,
For you write about things from your heart,
It may not be perfect, the others may say,
But at least my dear friend, it's a start !

What happened?

I like it a lot!

This person sounds very abusive.

I LOVED IT!!! did make me think about who I loved, you have talent!

I loveit!! you want to make me 1? jk lol or am I