Married and wanting to have an affair,a little excitement .like w

Well I#039;ve been married for quite a few years and have 2 kids.Husband is a great guy but I#039;m not in love with him.I don#039;t want to leave my marriage for a number of reasons,kids financial reasons and my family would flip.I#039;m just not...

sexually attracted to my husband.I want some excitment.I#039;ve tried rekindling my love for my husband to no avail.I#039;ve had an affair and enjoyed it but felt really guilty because this other guy got married and his wife got pregant.Now I#039;ve established this close friendship with this guy at work and want to have an affair and he does to but afraid because I#039;m married.Should I follow my heart like the saying goes and go for the affair or just deal with my life the way it is,which isn#039;t really bad.I just want to have some excitement and the feeling of being with someone my age and my interest which this guy is.The age difference between me and my husband is 10 years.Another reason I like tyhis guy is he is sooo cute and very sweet,and innocent seeming.Does this make any since?

It makes total sense that you find another guy cute and attractive. It makes absolutely no sense to have another affair.

You say you are not in love with you husband? Well, the #039;in-love, attraction#039; stage is a phase that helps you commit to each other until you find deeper love. One who continually hunts for the #039;in-love#039; feeling will have many affairs and honeymoons, but no relationships.

You husband is not your entertainment director--there to make your life exciting. That is all within you and therein the answer lies.

An affair is just and band-aid on a deeper problem. And if you continue to act on #039;he#039;s cute and I#039;m bored#039; impulses you take a chance of losing your husbands and children#039;s respect, not to mention your own.

And an affair with an office worker is a BIG no-no. Should you part badly, you still have to work together.

Should you follow your heart--you ask? It#039;s not your heart that#039;s calling---it#039;s lust and an emptiness inside you. You, the inside you, is what needs working on. Find a competent counselor and dig for ways to fulfill yourself. You#039;ll be surprised how feeling differently about yourself can also make the world look different.

You are looking for a quick fix, and ignoring damage you can do to others [and when we damage others we hurt ourselves--and you are setting yourself up for some hard life lessons]. And it will be your kids who end up picking up the tab for your lust for fun.

Not what you wanted to hear, but the truth.

Blessings and good luck

Thanks kua2u.You are right.No hard feelings here.I do have a low self esteem and it feels great that attractice guys show interest in me.I know that entering into another affair is not a good idea and I#039;m really trying to stop it before it gets started.This other person talked to me today and said he is afraid to get involved because he had a bad experience once.Well thanks again for the advice.I#039;ve really tried to rekindle the love for my husband but it#039;s just not there.I just don#039;t get it,he#039;s a wonderful husband and really tries to be the best and give me excitement yet I still want the dating feelings.I guess I live in a dream world huh.

Dear Confused,
No, you don#039;t live in a dream world so much as a #039;sad world.#039; You sound sad. There is hurt somewhere inside you. I#039;m not sure you can rekindle love for hubby without exploring why you don#039;t love yourself, first. Give it a try--what do you have to lose?

Again, Blessings and good luck

My advice to you is go to the website AshleyMadison.com, it is for your situation...people who are happy with spouses, but need more excitment...go to the site and learn what it has to offer you in this situation..from one woman to another!Do it.

Thanks for the advice but that ashley madison.com isn#039;t me.I#039;m not looking to meet strangers for an affair.I was attracted to this guy at work for several reasons but nothing came about us which is good.I still work with him.

well if this guys wife is pregnant then you should not be in the picture. Unless he would leave his wife for you.

well if this guys wife is pregnant then you should not be in the picture. Unless he would leave his wife for you.

I don#039;t have too much advice...actually I was looking for some myself...I ran into this gorgeous guy walking back to work from my son#039;s court hearing...I was very upset...red eyes from crying, puffy nose...and he stopped at the corner and just stared at me...and i slowed up and he caught up with me and introduced himself...i was instantly mesmerized...he walked me back to work...in the elevator we kissed...tongue and all...oh my god it was so nice...well it has been 6 days and all i do is think of him...i have his number but im afraid to call him...what if he doesn#039;t remember me...hes 24...im 35...married 13 years...my hubby is 10 years my senior...sometimes i want to test the waters....sounds dangerous? i do want that thrill...but im fat...dont have the latest fashions...but you can bet on payday im going shopping and getting my nails done...and lingerie to hide my tummy...am i being crazy...tell me the truth..

i know exactly how you feel i've been asking myself the same thing, isnt great to be with someone your own age? i found out this week it is this guy is a couple of months younger than me but hes so sweet nice,and of course cute we kissed but we didnt have sex yet not sure if we will or not i want too i'm just scared the biggest mistake i made in my life was being with someone so much older now when i want to go out and have fun he'd rather sit around the t.v and as for once a week sex that lasts about 5mins its not even worth it anymore.. well good luck

Ashley MAdison is a money making venture that is taking advantage of guys that are looking for an extramarital affair. The affiliates are people posing as possible female partners that entice the men to purchase credits to talk to them. They make money from the credits that are used to email or chat with them. The interest from females on this site has a direct correlation to a man's willingness to spend money. Very few relationships (if any) develop on this site. When the exchange of money for credits stops, so does the female's interest.
For instance, why are females allowed to send collect messages that require men to pay to respond. Men are required to buy credits prior to sending a message, except for winks. The system is designed around the weakness within men to pursue other women. If you don't believe me, check it out for yourself.

great to know i'm not the only woman with these feelings. I ran into a guy last summer that I was so in love with back in my early 20's. We talked for a while and that was it. Then in January he called me and we've been talking and meeting once a week since. Nothing happened until a few weeks ago we kissed and groped like teenagers! Since then we've met more often. Problem, he's married and so am I and we both have kids. He know's now how I felt about him all those years ago. Neither of us want to end our marriages, but neither of us is in love with our spouses. We are holding on because of our kids and we don't want to break up our families. We both want to advance this to sex, but we are both scared of the consequences and if we will be able to stop at some point. (like before we fall head over heals in love with each other) He makes me feel so good and sexy. Something I've been missing for so long. My husband is a great lover, but I don't love him. Truth be told I don't know that I ever really did. What a tangled web we weave for ourselves.

Has any thing worked yet? Just started and love/hate stills is a fun game.

Well, I'm seemingly in the same situation. My husband is almost a decade older than me and my co-worker is my age. He too is expecting a baby. We both talked about what could happen if we continue our sexual encounters, but what the hell. I choose to have fun because I know I don't want to leave my husband. The only way things won't work out is if you start to fall in love with this other man. If you can avoid that,you'll be fine. Have fun just kickin'it girl. Just think of it like this, you don't have to do all the things you would normally do in a relationship because it's jst sex. It's not like you out freaking everybody. You just have one guy out there. I thought I would feel extremely guilty, I even cried the first time we did it, but now it's like going to the spa. It's part of both our daily routine. I call him, we meet, badaboom, badabing, we do it, and then home ,work or school. My husband doesn't suspect a thing. My husband and I really don't have a sexual relationship. I don't understand why, but thats cool, I'll get physical somewhere else. That doesn't mean I don't love my husband, because I really do love him, but physical attraction just isn't there anymore. Anyway, remeber to keep it simple if you want to have an affair. Whatever you do DON'T FALL IN LOVE. You already have somebody at home, Unless you feel like going through the whole dating stages AGAIN!!!!

I have two bits of advice to give to the women writing into this site. The first is based on my situation as a married man. LEAVE YOUR HUSBADS! The thought of my wife having an affair is terrifying, but the thought that my wife is unsatisfied with me as a husband and is fantasizing about another man/men is many times worse. And don't you think he can sense it. Don't you think he's going to bed every night wondering what he did wrong or what more he can do. If he doesn't, then you should feel no remorse for leaving him. If he does, I can tell you that while leaving him would cause tremendous acute pain, it would also release hiim to find someone else as well. The second bit of advice is based on my humanity. We go through this life only once and for a very short while. I know that we are educated to put family above all things, but following and finding passion is something that should never be suppressed. Don't let better-than-thou moralists tell you otherwise. I would rather regret the things I did than the things I was afraid to do.

1st of all u don't need to let other people knoe about this sort of problem in your life! try to luv ur husband again! what made u love himin the 1st place? try to work out ur problems. be honest and open and that might help!

hello,
I have been married for almost 20years i married my usband when i was 16,we have a good marriage,however I have been having an affair,and i didnt relize it untill now but its been almost 2 years,he makes me smile and very happy in bed..I wonder why Iam doing this i guess

russellplatypus had the correct answers. I am a male, honestly here researching to find all sides to the same story I have already lived, too many times.

I have a great friend, his wife became a good friend of my wife, now she is cheating on him and plans to leave him, they have a 3 year old son.

I am not actually married but I still refer to her as my wife, why? We were once married, she cheated on me, unfortunately she cheated on me several times. Eventually I divorced her and left. However, I am old fashioned in the since that I believe you only truly love one person and that you should only be married once in your life. We eventually ended up back together and have been for many more years. I may be insane when judged by others for going through as much as I have with my wife.

I can confirm that her cheating on me was not the worse part of it. It was the dishonesty, the questions in my mind of what I did or didn't do that caused her to run off with another man. The feeling of worthlessness. I tried to convince her that we needed to stay together for the kids, that we needed to go to a counselor or therapist. I suggested that if she just wants to have s3x, then make sure that I know about it, I suggested we take our relationship into the taboo world of swingers or even a one sided open relationship. I suggested everything and offered her the world and even offered to keep my relations only with her while accepting her sickness as part of what life had dealt me.

We were married for 7 years, we were divorced for 6 and we have been back together now for 5 years.

I can tell all the women who are reading this looking for advice that your best place to find advice is not on the internet, it is in your husband's ear. Regardless of what is going on in your life. No matter how hopeless you think it is, no matter how offended you think he will be. I can promise you with ever fiber of my existence that the odds are in your favor that your husband will react better and more than likely even have a solution for you and/or the both of you if you tell him the hardcore truth.

Yes, it may start an arguement, things may fly and emotions may erupt but after the dust settles and you both look in each other's eyes and discuss your situation (be sure to let him know you are asking what to do) then you will find a solution.

Do not be close minded about it.

There are many options to happiness.

In some instances just the very fact that you admitted your desires and you had an arguement will create just the right juice to get you both back in the sack and creating amazing make up magic.

You may find yourself in the swinging lifestyle. You may find yourself at a nude beach once or twice a year (not cheating) just finding some excitement with your husband.

There may be fantasies that you can provide your husband (everyone knows what men want and trust me ladies it isn't that bad if you try it - just ask my wife) and god knows that men, believe it or not, will go to the ends of the world to please their woman sexually, if only the women try to do the same for the men. Sorry ladies, our biggest fault is we are creatures of habit and laziness. You will have to break the routine to get life back in the relationship.

The only negative thing that could truly come from you confessing your desires to your husband is if he is truly unworthy of you and does not want to help you through your desires... in which case, dump him and move on.

Passionate happy parents are much better parents than bitter unsatisfied yelling and screaming not to forget cheating parents!

Good Luck!

Forgot to tell you... what was the answer to my own personal drama and how did the wife and I finally work it all out?

Communication.

Yes we tried swinging once, we went to mardigras and she shared what her bra holds with all that tossed beads to her, we both fantasize about celebrities or other people that we know we will most likely never have and we both realize that regardless of what either of our desires are, that s3x only lasts as long as it lasts and that love lasts a lifetime.

My wife's favorite shirt (to wear around the house) says, Relax, it's just s3x!

We still have issues, sometimes I talk about a hot woman I noticed at the Outback Steak House a little too much and sometimes she comes to me and reminds me that she needs a little reassurance that it is her that I want and only her that I love. Anyone else that she or I want is always open for discussion between us and if the feeling is right (the opportunity surprisingly hasn't happened in the last several years) then we would let the other go off and have a night of passion and excitement without the other being present. However, for the most part we (and especially SHE) is not really interested in doing anything without me... She is interested in doing things with me and others from time to time and honestly...

I could not be happier!!!

Communication is the key to Love, Life and True Happiness!!!

Good Luck!

So this story repeats it self. Cheating, staying together for the kids, fear of really being alone especially when you aren't 20 any more.
In an affair for the past 5 mons. What I get out of it is feeling sexy again. Holding someone with passion even if it's only for a short time. Knowing that I can love and that someone can be wild about me. Something I don't get from my husband. I adore my two small children. Don't want to run away to to with another man. It will just end up where I am with my huusband. If this true passion does not last for ever, at least I know I can get it, feel it, smell it for a few moments. Better than nothing at all. Sounds sad but it's all I have right now.

Wow - just read all of this.

I too am contemplating an affair. Married 19 years - actually love my husband and he says he loves me but ... there is no passion. No sex. I miss that, I crave it and feel so worthless without it. All appearances are that we have a good marriage. We don't argue, we parent together. We laugh. But we don't have sex.

For several years I just accepted this was my lot in life. I've a very quiet person my husband is the aggressor. I started buying new lingeria, I made little suggestions - they went unnoticed for the most part.

Then a couple of years ago I got up the nerve to bring it up. He said he was shocked - didn't know I was unhappy. Told me to be more direct. That worked for a short period of time. Then he said he felt like a sex toy and that perhaps I needed to buy some of those. This was my problem and I needed to handle it myself.

That hurt - but I did. I never wanted to make him uncomfortable. Last year I broke down and said it wasn't just the release it was that I needed some affection as well. It has gotten to the point that if I held his hand he felt I was trying to initiate sex and he wasn't in the mood.

I've asked about health issues - he won't see the doctor.

I've lost weight, I've changed my appearance. I've thrown myself into projects but I'm still not satisfied.

Heaven only knows why I love him but I do. This year we have had more sex then in the previous two - but once a month just isn't enough for me.

I feel like I'm always bringing up this issue and he gets so defensive now. I don't guess I know how to communicate.

He has said he does not approve of my new cloths - the tops are too low cut. Hell - I'm a 47 year old woman - I'm not shopping in the teen department! but I put the things away that he commented on and bought some more conservative things. He didn't like skinny jeans - well they feel good - so I'm wearing but I wear a top out - I am your typical middle aged mom! My uniform is shorts and t-shirts.

My bedtime attaire has become more sexy but he doesn't comment on that and it doesn't seem to stimulate anything. I mentioned I bought something with him in mind and his response was 'You don't have to do, I don't care what you wear.'

So what's the point?

Why shouldn't I look somewhere else for a little excitement?

I hear these men and I see the women writing too and I'm still confussed. You all make sense.

I just want to be held and desired. I want to put my hands all over someone and have them appreciate that as well not reject my touch because they are too tired or they aren't in the mood.

An affair sounds sooo appealing. Dangerous yes but ... how do I tell my husband of 19 years -

Honey - I want to have an affair with you. Meet me for lunch for a quickie. Ripe my cloths off and let me crawl all over you and do things I've only dreamed of doing. Let's sit in the car and neck for a little while.

Somehow I think the man would laugh in my face.

Would you tell your husband of 19 years? If you do is it still an affair? I think an affrair is great to feel sooo much again. Wonderful to know that you still have something that could turn someone else on. This you don't get from a book or a friend telling you. You get it from the experience if you aren't getting it from my husband. I for example got my hair cut today. My husband did not notice and if he were asked what I am wearing, he would not know. This sucks!!!

An affair is a quick fix to a bigger situation but for me, it helps.