Looking for literate people 1_~(help!)

Normally I don't do this.
This is something I've been working on for a few months now, off on of coarse(I've a few other ones I've been working on). Can't seem to get it the way I want it. It seems like a few things are missing a few things need to...

be taken off. Perhaps some fresh eyes might be able to help me deceiver what's needed to be done.
(___ is where I'm contemplating on putting something in)
***PS: Not to sound rude, but before giving me your 2cents I'ld like you to be able to tell me what it's bout first 1_~***

Ever sounding chords of green,
Haunting my days,
Plaguing my dreams,
Calls to me like succubay.

Downcast,
Longing to taste
What's surveyed
Through emerald glass.

Chords of tyrants' song
Lace her corset
Hugging her hourglass frame
Counting sands till fate is met
Untamed
Into a spiteful new dawn.

Trying to recoil;
Lilith my dark bride
Beckons my fall from Eden
-Soiled-
Humming her sweet lullaby
Of treason.

Wracked with her charm,
Overburdened I fall;
The sands run out,
She ends her count,
Bares her arms
To entrap me in her paroles thrall.

Threads of prevarication
Unweave

___
Hell's passion
Raptures me
___

Raw fever prevails,
I embrace me porcelain sin,
My lips descend to taste her pale skin,
Bared to the heavens unveiled

Down her swollen breast,
Lactating sweet henna for my soul
Lustful nails rake my chest,
drawing scarlet ink to sign
What's left of mine
To bestow.

I turn my back on the seraphs
As they have I,
No longer part of their devious plot
Fabricated lies.

I plant my corrupted seed within
Forest grim
ready for a blood stained genesis.

sounds to me like you are seeking to become drunk on what you survey through emerald glass.

you sound dissillusioned with what people and religion have to offer.

wrestling with your sexuality- seeking to shrug off what society expects of you- to be perfectly proportioned- behave like a lady- buy into the 2 kids and a house dream.

until at the end you spill your blood in a ritualistic rebirth in the sacred forest.

I like it- it is really good- plural of succubus = succubi

I especially like the 'lilith' references.

thank you bald wolf ^_^
but that's not exactly what it's about really its about a Man(it's from a male point of view, I forgot to mention, it might of helped a bit XD) who longs for this woman in a sexual way. He's an extremely religious fella he feels dirty sick each time he thinks of her. She's knows this waits for him. Over burdened by her charm consumed by his lust, he cannot stand it any longer gives way to his desires for her. The forest represents the wild, her wildness, etc. I'm thinking about taking
ready for a blood stained genesis out, it seems to drag on a bit.