I want an affair--I think...

My entire life I have always been as loyal as the day is long. I might be having a mid-life crisis (I'm 47), but my mind has been consumed the past few weeks of having a passionate love affair. My husband loves me desperately, but more and more I think I am staying with him more out of loyalty than love. He is diabetic and cannot maintain an erection long enough to have intercourse. Also, his idea of a passionate night is talking dirty and an x-rated movie–which are definetely NOT my idea of a good time. Consequently, we very rarely have sex anymore. I've tried talking to him about how unhappy I am and have suggested counseling, but he doesn't care about listening or getting help. Until a few weeks ago, giving up sex didn't seem so bad, but I've come to realize that I am too young to give up sex and passion. Just once I would like to have a passion filled night with a hunk. I want to feel beautiful and desireable. I've never cheated, so I wouldn't know a thing about how to go about it anyway, but I've started looking at men as possible lovers. Am I insane? Is there anyway for me to go back to my previous sex-less, unsatisfied self before I do something I might regret?

Answer #1

I have “been there done that”I’m in an affair right now,for 3.5 years. It’s complicated. Been married 21 years and bored, husband has health issues also. But like I said the affair is complicated. I want to be with my boyfriend, I don’t pressure him to leave his wife but I hint around about it and he dosn’t budge. I’m getting very flusterated about it, his kids are grown and out of the house so I don’t see why it’s so hard to leave her.I’ts getting to emotionally painful for me but on the flip side if I don’t continue to see him I won’t have the enjoyment of being with a man. I would suggest to you to keep dreaming and not persue an affair. There are too many emotions involved. It seems like men can have sex with a woman and go on so easily about their business and we are left with emotional baggage. Lifes not fair!!!

Answer #2

YOu need to seperate from your husband, to see if thats what you really want, but minus an affair or any other relationship. And see how you feel without your husband and if thats relaly what you want. And after a while, go back and ask your husband to attend consuling, if he declines. Then you know thats not what you want.

Answer #3

Humm this is tough I think you are doing this oiut of loyalty cause you feel guitly if you leave him he will be sad and depressed by this. Explore new ways of sex is he into diffrent ways ..Oral and other wise. Sorry if you are not into that no (Sorry didn’t know if you were into that sort of thing) but that usally satsfies me also playing around . Have you tried something new . If it still dosen’t work then it is time to give up. No need to feel bad about it it is just some are just not meant to be but if you want to stay with him then you will know because you will miss him lots and lots Good luck , sorry I couldn’t give you any better adive Dont have the affair because that will hurt him worse. Just leave him . That will hurt him less then haveing a affair.

Answer #4

Wow, well I am 47 and have been having an affair with this gal, she is 19..I was not unhappy but she really turned my head. It was incredible, she thought I was the hottest thing since sliced bread. Of course she eventually found a full time boyfriend and moved on so its over now. She doesn’t want to cheat on him and I can understand that. It was one of the most amazing things ever, she was very adventurous and of course I was totally flattered. No one found out and I’d have to say it was a success. I miss her terribly of course..we are trying to be friends but its very hard for me as selfish as that sounds. I really was not looking for such a thing to happen. But she wanted me and it happened so fast..I can’t say I feel guilty as bad as that sounds and I honestly do love my Wife.

Answer #5

honestly the first thing you need to do is not feel guilty about your feelings. Being with one person for a long time is difficult but you know that you still love him. You made a vow a long time ago to your husband not to commit adultery, and the same thing goes for him. When you first made the vow im sure that u did not think that you would be having these feelings now but you really have to hold back your urge to cheat. im sure you would be devastated if you found out that he did it to you. im sure that you realize that there is more that makes a relationship than the sex and i think you need to work on having a postive attitude and making changes between between eachother rather than trying to satisfy yourself behind his back. Think about what you can do to rekindle the flame such as going on a weekend trip. Who knows, maybe the change of atmosphere will create unexpected chemistry elsewhere. Be postitive. You know you love this man, you need to stick to eachother's vows you have made to eachother, reassure eachother. I mean ive never came from just dick anyway so make him pleasure you in other ways. get crazy get fun dont be ashamed. i mean u know eachother better than anyone else i bet. youll be happier accomplishing something together in your marriage rather than trying to find an easy hookup that wont make you happier in the long run. if the sex part ends up being difficult, just be satisfied enough to be in a stable relationship with a great companion. As long as you respect eachother, then enjoy relationship together. and who says sex toys dont solve the problem. sometimes they work better than the real thing! good luck sweetie. Make the best and br grateful for your relationship and you life!

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