How do I not let my boyfriend turning me down sexually bother me?

I have been “with” my boyfriend for over a year but only physically together for 6 months. He was long distance so we moved in together. He is my best friend as well as my lover. In all other areas I am very happy in our relationship. However, he sometimes turns me down sexually. I can understand if he is having a bad day or something, but there seems to be a pattern to when he does. And he doesn’t flat out turn me down, but leads me on a bit.

Now, it’s not that I think he’s purposely trying to be mean. I think it’s that he finds it hard to upset people. But I digress. Usually we are intimate like every other day, but sometimes it’s more frequently. And sometimes if I am not able to have normal intercourse, or reach orgasm, I will just pleasure him by other means. So, he’s gotten his satisfaction for days straight and then I will want a release. When this happens I try and initiate or flat out tell him I want sex (or both.) He will then say yes, or act like we will… But then he ends up making excuses or not following through. This upsets me for 2 reasons. 1: It’s sort of emotionally confusing.(I’d rather him just tell me flat out he’s not in the mood, then I don’t continue to try or get my hopes up.) 2: It seems that he’s only turning me down when he’s had his fill and isn’t really thinking about me, when I try and take care of him and please him.

I have spoken with him about this issue. He seems to care that I am upset and say that he’s going to be better. But this same thing has happened I would say 4 times (which may not seem like that much, but keep in mind we’ve only physically been together for 6 months and it always happens pretty much the same way.) So I can’t help but feel insecure, but mostly I just wonder if this will be something that will continue or get worse? And I also can’t help but think that he’s being a little selfish. People aren’t always “in the mood,” but we do things because we care about the other person…What do you all think about this?

Answer #1

If he is not in the mood almost always for sex… I hate to tell you , but he’s masterbaiting to much or cheating. Guys are almost always in the mood unless they are releasing their energy in a negative way. He won’t listen to you if you tell him he is masterbaiting to much or something. If you feel that he may be masterbaiting to much, instead of telling him he’s doing something wrong, ask him if you can watch him masterbate once, because you just want to know what it’s like for him. There are so many walls and he has put one wall up and another and another will come along if you don’t try to solve this problem now!!! Don’t fear humans, embrace the human experience.

Answer #2

I think all of us have our own fears, doubts and self-esteem issues at any one point of our lives. So, it’s natural to feel it’s something to do with you.. You can give it more time and let him make the moves..

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