My family basically hates me, how do I deal with my depression?

...so...my family basically hates me. I might have herpes...I feel like a complete failure and im falling more everyday. I entirely love my fiance and he is the only one making sense out of my life right now...if it wasnt for him, I would kill myself...I dont know what to do anymore. I almost wish I didnt know him, so I could pass away and not hurt him...just shoot me...

you have every reason to live
and every right to be able to love as well
does your family hate you because of the herpes?
if so then make an effort to talk to them about it and here there veiw
or if not ,do the same
because hiding it all and letting it build up certainly isnt doing you any good
if you do have herpes then just take some extra precautions not to pass it on to your partner, so make sure you wear a condom or dental dam...ect
otherwise at 19 years old, your probably old enough to move out of home
and if your partner feels the same maybe the two of you could live together

they dont hate me because of the herpes, I dont even think I have it. my mom says everyday she finds me disgusting and she hates my fiance even though hes so nice. she hates how I look, dress, act, my humor everything!!! I dont every godddammmnnn thing for that bi*tch and all I get is 'dont be rediculous, your dramatic, you have no respect, your selfish' I hate her I hate my family I hate everyone who pissses me off everyday. I swear I think im suicidal and homicidal because if it was f*cking legal, there would be a lot of f*ucking dead people right now!!! god im sorry I just...I dont know what to do anymore!!!

If it's that bad, you need to move out if you haven't already, and sever contact with your family.

There's no law that says an adult has to maintain contact with parents.

Simply a Rose to brighten your day,
And maybe lessen the cares in your way;
And also, too, to help you to know,
That in knowing you, many others grow!

 
You need to find someone to talk with. In your real life if possible, otherwise pick someone to Fun Mail and use them as a sounding board to air your emotions and frustrations. If you try to deal with it alone, you will have problems.

Check out the site below for dealing with depression.
 
Information on teen depression:

http://www.helpguide...

I have depression. Been in hospital numerous times because of it. I know just how you feel. Your family doesnt hate you for the herpies they are just probably annoyed or shocked at it. I guess us depressed people just have to stick together and do what we can. if you think it is depression see a doctor that is the second step (first saying you have it) trust me it can only help. With depression taking any action seems harder and harder every day and any little thing seems like a massive step you dont want to take. It sucks. I suggest you dont move out but discuss the fact your partner is the only one keeping you alive and that you are depressed. Just do your best, wear a condom while you have herpies and maybe see a doctor. Like I said it cant do any harm at least.