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Do you like this poem that I wrote?

Asked by 0_koole123 8 months ago, 5 answers.

They scratch,I duck.I feel my arm for the blood thats not mine.A close friend that died in the battle of depression.Her arm is coverd with scars that have penatrated her skin and sunk into her flesh that have resurfaced for air which now feel like bee stings.She screamed for help but know one heard.She wanted a friend but no one cared.She struggeld for love but know one knew.Now shes here lying on her bed with razor blade knifes slicing at her skin.Shes sad but happy because now shes got a friend.Her freiends name is pain.It follows here shodow and agonizes her good thoughts.
When she screamed for help knowone heard.When she wanted a friend know one cared.She struggeld for love but know one knew.If some one heard,if somone cared,if some one knew.She wouldn'don't be here lyinig on her bed with razor blade knifes slicing at her skin.

Did you like it.Tell me what I need to work on.
Oh I wrote this in my diary and im just a beginner so dont say im suck.
tell me what you think
Bye

Send this to a friend

HAHAHAHA... me Answered by obession on Dec 09, 2007, 03:26AM
| 30 answers.

its really dark..

I thot its really good considering you are a beginner an di am not saying it because you said to go easy on you. I really like it!! :]

:)) Answered by angel13 on Dec 09, 2007, 09:10AM
| 26 answers.

well I write myself and this is really really good for a beginner and you have a lot ahead of you and usually when you write we tend to relate to situations we are going thou. good luck if any help add me here...peace and love

ha ha me..very bored.... Answered by hotchic1 on Dec 11, 2007, 07:11PM
| 9 answers.

DDDAAAaaang your really good!

No, I am not stoned lol Answered by horrormusic on Dec 15, 2007, 05:07PM
| 778 answers.

that's pretty good, and I'm not just saying that it's good
one thing though is you use a lot of the same words over and over so after a while they start losing meaning,try to find other words to replace them so you have a bit more dramatic feeling to them and try to describe some of the actions so the reader feels the emotions you're trying to display

They scratch,I duck.
I feel my arm for the blood thats not mine.
A close friend that died in the battle of depression.
Her arm is coverd with scars that have penatrated her skin and sunk into her flesh that have resurfaced for air which now feel like bee stings.
She screamed for help but know one heard.
She wanted a friend but no one cared.
She struggeld for love but know one knew.
Now shes here lying on her bed with razor blade knifes slicing at her skin.
Shes sad but happy because now shes got a friend.Her freiends name is pain.
It follows here shodow and agonizes her good thoughts.
When she screamed for help knowone heard.
When she wanted a friend know one cared.
She struggeld for love but know one knew.
If some one heard,if somone cared,if some one knew.
She wouldn'don't be here lyinig on her bed with razor blade knifes slicing at her skin.

I'm not trying to change anything about it,it's an amazing poem,don't change it one bit
but try to present them in this way so it's a bit more readable
once again you're good keep practicing,I write similar ideas to yours
if you need help with anything just send me a message or something laters

Thunder Robot Answered by funadvice on Dec 30, 2007, 08:05PM

that was really good !! how did you think of all that ?? I could have never thought of anything as good as that ! well done !

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