Why can't my man cum?

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a couple months. And have been having sex for 11 months. But I have not seen any actual cum come out his penis except for a lil bit of precum. Hes only 19 and says its cause hes been having sex a lot...

in the past. I have read info on the computer but of course it doesn't help at all. I have to admit that I do tell him I want to have his baby now. We are in a long distance relationship but we see each other either evry weekend or every other. I talk to him every day except when he on the job and even then he calls to check up on me. I know hes not cheating (at lease thats what I believe). I also know I have some good stuff, if you know what I mean. So why cant he cum?

I recently started dating a guy who I too find can not cum while having sex with me...Like mrmadcat said he claims he is satisfied just can't cum! ;-(
I of course feel it is me - But we have talked about it and he says he believes he is too stressed and needs to NOT THINK -- which to me makes sense.
I have a phd in psychology and yes they do say tooo much porn can desensitive men to sex -
So I am curious have any of you tried sexual fantasies? I have thought about watching porn with my boyfriend and or having him come home to me in the tub with wine and strawberries...thought about playing out a fantasy and ordering him into bedroom after we share a bubble bath then blind fold him and tie him up while I pleasure him orally.. you get the idea of my fantasy -curious- have any of you tried fantasies???
Just curious if keeping him in suspense of the fantasy and you taking his mind somewhere else - if that helps any of your boyfriends???

There is a variaty of reasons, it could be something medical and he should see a doctor.

This reminds me of a past relationship where we only saw eachother weekends and I eventualy noticed that my partner never came. I ended up asking him about it and he then admitted that he had never cum with any of his partners. I was flaberghasted. He admitted that he was able to cum while masturbating but not with a partner. I also found out that he had to have an adult circumcision because of a medical problem therefore causing much of his sensitivity to dissapear. I finaly found some information about men who do not cum and it actualy is a problem that can be treated. It seems that it possibly can be a psychological problem that can stem from a conservative upbringing or an unhealty attitude towards sex and masturbation especialy at a young age. Of course if he had any type of problem with his penis like my ex-boyfriend had, this also would have to be adressed. I suggest to talk to him about it and ask him questions like I did mine. Has he ever cum with a partner? When was he circumcised? Find out how he feels about this problem and what he needs from you to get over it. I ended up confronting my boyfriend about the problem and giving him information about it so he would know that it ws possible to cure it. I was even ready to go see a psychologist with him. He ended up admitting that he did eventualy want to have kids and that this was very hard on him. Unfortunetly, he was not ready to confront the problem and we ended the relationship for a variety of reasons including my sexual frustration at not being able to make him cum (need I say one starts to feel inadequate even if it's far from the truth). If you want to work this out, you'll have to speak up and try different stuff together like just masturbating. But in the end, he has to want to adress this problem and work on it with you. Good luck!

Zorbot, I'm a male, and I've had sex just 3 times with my girlfriend (she was my first, so 3 times total). I can tell you, my girlfriend already feels not good enough and has told me this, because of my inability to cum when I'm with her. First two times, I hadn't slept in 4 days, so that was probably why..also fear, and other things as at the time I was somewhat homeless. So I asked myself, why can't I cum? I found my answer... I can cum when masturbating on my own fine, just not with my girlfriend at all. I get close, but can't finish, and YES I want to have a baby with my girlfriend and I've told her that I'm scared and worried because I can't cum. So what's my problem? Masturbation!!! PORN!!! From a young age, I've been masturbating every day, for over 11 years (I'm 23), and use porn movies/clips as a method to stimulate me as well. This is a psychological problem, and I enjoy sex with her so much, even though I can't cum. No one should feel inadequate because of anothers sexual problem. If you love the person you're with, the relationship won't end because of any sexual reason, and vice versa. Fact remains that I feel so good when I have sex, and I am satisfied completely, except, I want to cum inside her so she can get pregnant. Some men can't cum, some can, but for those who get hard and stay hard, it means they enjoy it!! don't feel bad if they don't cum, because I sure feel bad that my girlfriend feels bad that she can't make me cum, and I try to tell her how good it feels. I hope to make her feel good in future, so she won't have to worry about making me feel good. Why? I already feel good...she does enough already, and maybe I will be able to let myself go and feel truly safe.

i have the exact same problem with my boyfriend of a year and a half. we've been having sex atleast twice a week for over a year and he cant come. We both are young (21 and 22) and lost our virginity to each other so we havent experienced anyone else sexually. i feel really bad, like maybe i'm doing something wrong,and even suggested that he sleep with another girl to really find out if it is me. he refused. We've been going to a sex therepist for the past 6 months but it doesnt seem to help. we've looked at his fear of children, the masturbation theory, attraction towards me, etc. and cant find a reason why this isnt happening. it's VERY frustrating because this upsets him so much and all i want is for him to be happy.

Has anyone tried milking the prostate? I dated an older guy he would start to cum, but then it would only drip out. His doctor suggested that he try milking it and see if that would help. OMG did it ever. Every man should do it. Woman can even do it for them.

THANK GOD!!! I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE!!!
that happened to me and as crazy as this sounds one time I just scratched my nails all the way up and SPLAT
so uh yeah you might want to try that :P

I've been dating my boyfriend for two months and he cannot cum during sex. It doesn't bother me too much, because in the past my partners have usually been done before I was, and with him we could go all night if I wanted to. After he's pleased me he masturbates and everything works out fine. Ladies, if you are worried about not being able to get pregnant, tell him to masturbate and finish off inside of you. I'm sure that will work just fine with him, even if he has to practice for a while. Also, he told me that he actually feels more if I'm on top and I go very slowly, so maybe given enough time and practice it will work out. Just keep in mind that it is NOT your fault that he's not sensitive or he has a routine built. Don't push him or talk about it before sex because it will make him nervous or upset and then he will never be able to cum inside you. With enough patience and understanding you can be perfect together anyway.

It's annoying aye. I was in the same boat as you all. My partner, age 20, had three sexual partners before me, all were very breif, and no matter who he was with he couldnt come (he was always protected which was great, though some guys fiond it so much harder to come using a condom) our frist time together really annoyed me because he wouldnt come, we went for hours and NOTHING, it was really degrading!!! but after the second or so time he all of a sudden started cuming! it was really weird, and never EVER a small amount. He seems to think its because he is comfortable with me, and is relaxed (I've also heard himself say he tells himself to cum for my sake) I wish I could help you all. it is frustrating, and shouldnt be!...oh and thank goodness my partner now comes,...because he will NOT masterbate lol

It's probably just performance anxiety.

You can help him by combining mas*urba*ion with intercourse. Alternate between the two, and he should be alright.

Ask him to tell you all about his dirtiest fantasy while he's sexing you - that should help too.

I can give a very definite answer as I have faced the same problem. Try bondage methods -- tie your hands at the back so that your effort to mount and enter is maximum, try to enter from the posterior, so that your member is fully enveloped within her buttocks maximizing the stimulation. Since you enter from the back the penetration will be very little compared to what you have from the front. But that does not matter. Find ways to make penetration difficult, the more difficult it is -- the more there is the chance of success. Continue your strokes into her like mad and she should moan and groan to enthuse you. Do not stop till you feel something burst in you and your cum will flood her.

wow I cant believe this actually happens to guys. I'm a girl and I cant cum during sex, just oral sex. If anyone knows any suggestions for me please help. Also I agree with thinking of something that turns you on while having sex or dirty talk with your girl to be more aroused, that will probably make guys cum.

lol. wow. and I thought I was alone. I had always been told I was the horniest woman ever. no kidding. then this guy I dated. he couldnt ... I was like what/ he always went on and on how sexy I was but every time he went flat. he would tell me he I was a godess and so sexy and good . then he couldnt . wow. I thougth it was me! then he made a confession . said his wife woudlnt let him sleep with her for their whole entire marriage unless she wanted to have a baby because he had that problem. well duh. why didnt he just tell me that upfront/

SOOO GOOOD IM NOT ALONE! You know I started with my girlfriend about 2 weeks ago, we have had sex 3 times, and I haven't been able to cum. Before starting the relationship with her, I had never had sex before, and I masturbated and all the deal, and I would cum, but during the sexual intercourse I can't. We go at it for long whiles, or what I think is long (1 hour+) and I feel the sensation of cumming but nothing comes out. I think this happens because everytime we have sex the condoms break, so on top of me being a little nervous to begin with, that puts more strain on me. Then after some time she just kinda gives up, because she's trying to make me cum, and she feels bad. Then that makes me feel bad for not CUMMING. So any suggestions besides the ones posted above?

Hi, I'm a 28 year old male and I'd like to give my perspective on this issue. I, too, had trouble reaching climax when I first started having sex as a teenager. It was confusing to me because I never had trouble finishing when masturbating. Moreover, it was embarrassing. In retrospect, I think it was actually a very normal experience.

To the first-timers out there:
Masturbation and sex with a partner are very different experiences. When you are masturbating, you are in full control of the experience and you have the benefit of instant feedback. If something happens to feel really good or not so good, you are instantly aware of this fact and you can adjust your technique accordingly. Your mind is also free to imagine whatever erotic fantasy it wants.

With a partner, however, things are different. Your partner doesn't know what feels great to you at that very instant. Your partner might not be as tight as what you are used to--or in some cases maybe your partner is so tight that it hurts. If you're using a condom, as every responsible young man should, the physical sensation of intercourse is much, much less than that of masturbation and it is likely less than you imagined.

For me, sex with a condom was a surprising lack of sensation. I could only begin to feel when the lubrication (both the natural and the bottled kind) wore off and the friction increased. This extra friction gripped and stretched the condom, allowing me to feel more sensation but ultimately *breaking the condom as well*. I'm sure other have had similar experiences--hours-long sex, pain and discomfort, broken condoms, unexpected surprises, feeling guilt, embarrassment, frustration... And I'm telling you it's really not that abnormal.

People think of sex as physical but it is also very psychological. It takes time for the mind to adapt to the new experience and physical sensation of having sex with another person. It takes time to learn how to mentally latch on to a wave of physical pleasure and allow your body to climax. A vagina is typically not as tight as your hand. Lubrication is essential but it reduces friction and therefore reduces the sensation of rubbing. Condoms further reduce physical sensation. I think a lot of guys aren't prepared for this and find that their first tries at sex are not quite what they imagined. I'm not saying that sex sucks--but when you imagine one thing and find reality to be another thing, it takes time to adjust.

My tips for first-timers are as follows:
* Don't assume you have a problem or are broken right away
* Talk to your partner about these issues and come to an understanding with each other
* Relax. Take the pressure off. Sex should be fun--you're not a failure if you don't cum.
* Experiment and try to find things that feel good. Imagine things that turn you on (just don't ever admit to thinking of another girl :P)
* Practice by masturbating with a condom and lube until it doesn't feel like showering with a raincoat on
* Kiss, touch, caress, etc. Remember to stimulate parts of your body OTHER than just your digit. It's half the fun of sex.
* If your partner is quiet, ask him/her to breathe heavy and/or make other stimulating noises
* Try putting a little bit of lube on the *inside tip* of the condom before rolling it on. That can help it feel a little better right around your sensitive part.
* If you start to lose sensation / go a little numb, then just take a break. Don't try to force yourself to the end because it is frustrating, counter-productive, possibly painful, and can lead to performance anxiety. You can just take a 15 minute rest, get some fresh blood in your member, and try again (as long as your partner is still willing).

Once you get used to the new and different sensation of doing it with another person, you should find it easier and easier to cum. Your mind knows what it's getting into and what to expect.

Now I have to respond to those people who said that they think porn and masturbation lead to desensitization and sexual dysfunction. *ahem* F#!@ YOU! Masturbation is perfectly normal and healthy. There's an overwhelming consensus on this and I don't need to back up my claims. Go to your nearest family planning clinic and ask a doctor if you don't believe me. Now as for porn: It's not the porn that twists people--it's just that some twisted people mix their porn viewing experiences in with their distorted view of reality. There are more sexually healthy men viewing porn than there are sexually unhealthy porn viewers. Sex is a natural thing. Men are visually stimulated. Weather or not porn screws up your life is based on your cultural background and a pre-existing susceptibility to mental illness. Just because your boyfriend has a big porn collection doesn't mean that he is addicted to porn. Maybe he's addicted, but it's more likely that he simply has a healthy interest in sex. Women: Don't be so insecure and threatened by your guy's pr0n.

And now some free advice to the ladies:
Ladies, ladies, ladies... Some of you think that you have men all figured out: We're an on/off switch whereas you women are as complicated as an airplane cockpit. Let me tell you the truth: Men are sexually simpler than women but we're not *that simple*. We men are used to sexual rejection and we handle the Honey, I have a headache routine fairly well. Women, on the other hand, don't usually handle rejection or criticism very well. We guys know this and if we would like to have sex with you again in the future then we don't answer honestly when you ask us How was THAT!? No, no, instead we say That was great, it was the best--You're the best!

Truth is, IMHO, most of you underestimate male sexuality, overestimate your sexual technique, and could use some instruction or improvement. The fact that every guy you have ever slept with said you were great and that cum came out of his penis does not, in fact, mean that you ARE great. Men are not one-size-fits-all. Your last boyfriend may have loved your bj technique but the next one may not like it at all. Some guys will tell you what they want but a lot are too shy to tell you how you could be better. You may be the cutest or the hottest girl on the planet, but that doesn't mean that you can just lay there like a dead fish during sex. Good looks do not equal good sex. If you really want your guy to have the best possible experience in bed, then don't assume that you are already a sex master or that your techniques are going to be a perfect match for your current guy. Communicate with your partner. Ask him questions (harder? softer? faster? slower? ). Don't ask the generic Is this OK? or Do you like it like this? He'll probably just say yes weather it's true or not. TELL him what you want: Cum on my 'xyz', do me harder, lick my **whatever** Get the picture? Direction is sexier than making him guess

Guys are turned on by different things than women. Your fantasy is not his. Sweet, sexy, and romantic might not push his buttons. Personally, and I think a lot of men are like this, I like to have a lot of control during sex. I don't know if I'd respond well to the bathtub sex-ambush posted above. It sounds like a woman's idea of romance rather than a man's carnal fantasy. I'm sure that some men will disagree with me about this, and that's why it is important to communicate and know your partner well. Here's how I'd ambush myself if I were simultaneously a woman: First I'd just greet myself after work like usual. Maybe he to pee really bad or something--he just got home so he might not be in the mood for sex yet. So step one is to get him aroused and interested like usual, but then I'd tell him to wait because I have a surprise for him in the bedroom. I'll call him when I'm ready--and he's better keep his member ready too, if he knows what I mean *wink*. Then I'd go in the bedroom, undress, and wear a sign around my neck that says SLUT -- One dollar / one time and hold a little dish full of coins. Then call him in and invite him to use me. His way: his terms. His dollar buys him the right to play: he doesn't have to make slut girl cum if he doesn't want to.

So back to the point (men and women): Any time you have sex with a new partner, you both have to discover all over again what works best for each other. It's important to know what you like and communicate that to your partner. What worked for your last partner might not work at all with the new one. Don't be sexually arrogant. All prisoners are innocent and everybody is great in bed... Invariably, if you have sex with the same person 100 times, the first times will not be the best. It's only after you've figured each other out that it gets really good (and good, guys, means for _both_ of you. Not just for yourself).

well if it is his frist time haveing sex it is called blue balls whoch means his testicals are not able to completely force the cum out it normaly only last for the first couple mounths and I only know this because I am in EMS class

im a guy and ya I got this problem...juts yesterday and the day before my girlfriend tried to make me cum and she says she wants me to fell good and I really do but I just cant cum we tried for 2 days and nope my duck just got tired or something she my first and she did it with only one other guy before me and he did cum like real fast aparrently...I used to watch a lot of porn before my first time...maybe its the answer but I just read in another site that if you drink a lot of water before sex you cum more...but neway the thing is this after coming coming back home I didnt know why I wasnt cumming so I want masturbating without porn or anithing and it took me like 30minutes to cum ...and usualy with porn it tok me like less than 5 minutes ...also I read somewhere ( this might sound weird ) when you have your cellphone in your pocket on vibrate theres some kind of pulses that eliminate your sperm wich might cause problem...I know its weird but it might be true...neway me too I feel better that im not the only guy that doesnt cum...and just to clear this up I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND im young but I want to spend my life with her and I've been waiting 4 year...a bit pathetic but ya and shes attracts me sexualy and physicly and emotionly...so ya its not because I dont love her or she isnt doing a good job SHE IS GREAT...even though she needs time after 15 mins to relax...so I hope I helped you guys

for the first question my man couldnt come because he was on pain medication so if he takes meds for something even ADD or ADHD or anything to relax him maybe even other drugs not sayingthat he does them I just know thats why he couldnt when he stoped he started

Whoa. I want to congratulate ollopa on that excellent answer. I'm definitely going to try his advice later. For me, four, five hours+ of the act without climaxing is a bit annoying. It's amazing exercise, don't get me wrong, and I love mostly every minute of it, and I love how she loves it, but wow. Glad to see I'm not the only one.

I'm 18 and I had sex with my ex three times (Including my 1st time) and I havent cum once!! I just thought it was because im still small or immature or new to sex and that it will change. But now you guys have me worried :|
P:S I cum just fine when masturbating

If could be the way he masturbates. If a guy masturbates certain ways it can desensitize them so they can't cum during sex, only doing it the way their used to. For everyone here, tell them to stop masturbating for 2 weeks and then try sex, it might help. =)