Revised first paragraph (would you want to read this)

“I’m sorry” she cried lying half-conscious in the cold, sterile, hospital bed. Tony, placed his warm hand on her face. “Shhh. Shhh.” he whispered softly in her ear. “It’s ok. Everything is going to be ok. We’re going to be ok”. His normally soothing voice was failing to calm her. Ali’s face was blotchy and red. Her eyes swollen from crying. Embarrassed she had been caught. Devastated at her condition. He placed his hand on her thumping belly, “He’s still mine… isn’t he?” he tried to smile, but only made her feel worse. “No, NO! I could never do that to you, ever.” she said sobbing. Suddenly her breathing slowed, and her head tipped to the side. Eyes closed. “Ali?” no response. “ALI?!” silence. “SOMEBODY HELP!” he cried out. “Please somebody help!” voice cracking. His shaky voice echoed through the unusually understaffed halls. Finally a storm of doctors and nurses rushed in. one gestured a nurse to remove Tony from the room. And pulled the curtain around his dear Alison. “ALI! PLEASE! WAKE UP!!! DON’T DO THIS TO ME!” he pleaded, almost begging. And before he knew it. He was all alone in the hall… door shut. Silence. He drops his head into his hands and thinks “why didn’t I stop this? What could I have done”

nice!!
yer I'd read it..
how much you written?

OMG I LOVE IT I HAD TO SHOOSH MY MOM!!!
YEAH I would read it you should sooo send it to me when you are done writing it. OMG NVM!!!
Send it to me chapter by chapter of para. by para.
I LOVE IT!
What is it about??
Pregnancy or drugs???
Those are the 2 things I am narrowing it down to, if I am wrong I am sorry.

Criticism:
You need to wrok on your grammar, punctuation and sentence structure. When the dialogue changes, you should start a new paragraph. Writing in all caps is not a good method of invoking stress or panic - use italics and exclamation marks instead, etc..

Postive note:
Very solid story - definitely captivating; keep it up!

Thanks.

What else could I do instead of caps? because I dont like how it looks.

I know I need to work on my grammar yet. because it isnt fully revised. just a little bit. I tried starting a new paragraph when I start new dialogue. but I didnt like how it looks. because in my stories, they seem to talk a lot. and if I started a new para, it would be nothing but paragraphs